Separated Again

[pooh25]

Hello,

IT FEELS GOOD TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE ELSE FEELS YOUR PAIN.I AM A NEW MEMBER.I GOT MARRIED RIGHT AFTER MY 21ST BIRTHDAY TO MY AT THE TIME 3MTH.OLD SON'S DAD.I WAS CRAZY IN LOVE WITH HIM,I THINK.BUT NOW 25 IN MAY I AM SEPARTED FOR THE LORD ONLY KNOWS HOW MANY TIMES.THIS WAS MY CHOICE THIS TIME.WE HAVE BOTH HAD OUR PART IN IT.THE TRUTH IS,OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS ABUSIVE AND OUR 2 BOYS 4 YR OLD AND 22 MONTH WITNESSED QUITE OFTEN.I'VE BEEN CALLED SO MANY B---- THAT I HAVE LOST COUNT.AND I AM A WOMAN THAT BELIEVES DO NOT LET A MAN TREAT YOU ANY WAY BUT THIS ONE MAN CAME ALONE AND TURNED MY LIFE COMPLETLEY AROUND.I OFTEN THINK TO MYSELF"HOW DID I GET HERE".I HAVE KEPT A STEADY JOB FOR 3 YEARS.MY 24 YEAR OLD HUSBAND HAS NEVER HAD A JOB MORE THAN 3 MONTHS.MAINLY BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT TO WORK I THINK.BUT OTHER MAIN POINTS IS MY HUSBAND WAS NOT IN THE CHURCH.WHEN PEOPLE TEACH YOU MARRY SOMEONE IN THE CHURCH,LISTEN!.IT IS NOT PROMISED TO BE BETTER BUT I THINK YOU HAVE BETTER ODDS.MY HUSBAND SMOKES MAURIANA EVERYDAY-WHICH COSTS HIM 300 A MONTH TO BE ABLE TO KEEP THIS UP AND CAN NOT PASS A DRUG TEST TO GET A BETTER JOB.HE SMOKES IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN.WHICH THAT IS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WE ARGURED ABOUT WHEN WE FIRST MARRIED BUT I THINK I EVENTALLY GAVE IN.MY HUSBAND WORKS AT A CAR WASH THAT HE HATES.WHICH WHO WOULD BLAME HIM BUT THAT IS THE ONLY JOB HE HAS MANGAGED TO GET.THEY GET SENT HOME IF THE WEATHER BAD OR WHATEVER.TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT.I HAVE SUPPORTED THIS FAMILY FOR 4 YRS.,BOUGHT EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE EVEN THOUGH HE HAS BROKEN ALOT OF IT.I FEEL LIKE I COULD BE SO MUCH FURTHER IN LIFE WITHOUT HIM .HE HAS SO MANY ACUSSES OF WHY HIS LIFE IS GOING THE WAY IT IS.WHEN WE SEPARATE WHICH IS ABOUT EVERY 3 MONTHS,HE SELL DRUGS BACK IN HIS HOMETOWN DOES NOT GET A JOB THERE AND EVENTALLY I MISS HIM SO BAD I TAKE HIM BACK.BUT BOTTOM LINE IS HE IS ABUSIVE,LAZY,SORRY,AND WANTS TO BE THE KING BUT DO NOT WANT TO WEAR THE CROWN.HE HAS CHEATED ON ME BEFORE-WHICH AGAIN WAS MY FAULT BECAUSE I PUT HIM OUT AFTER HE HIT ME SO HE HAD NO CHOICE.THE TRUTH IS DEEP DOWN INSIDE,I DO NOT EVEN THINK I LOVE HIM ANYMORE.I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM AND OFTEN FIND MYSELF THINKING ABOUT THE HORRIBLE NAMES AND THINGS HE HAS DONE TO ME.BUT I AM AFRAID TO LET GO.WHEN I THINK OF HIM WITH ANOTHER WOMAN I GET SICK OR I JUST MISS HIM AND WANT MY KIDS TO HAVE THEIR FATHER THEIR.HE HAS STARTED GOING PLACES I DO NOT APPROVE.AND BASICLLAY HIS WORDS ARE I CAN NOT STOP HIM.I PACKED MY STUFF,MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE I PAY ALL THE BILLS ON WITH MY 2 KIDS AND LEFT.HE DOES BELIEF I WILL STAY GONE,HE HAS EVEN GOTTEN TO WHERE HE IS BOLD ENOUGH TO TELL ME I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE,I WILL ONLY BE GONE FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND START MISSING HIM AND TAKE HIM BACK.ISN'T THAT BOLD!THAT IS SAD THAT I HAVE GOTTEN THIS LOW.I NEED PRAYER THAT I LISTEN TO GOD THIS TIME.I NEVER GIVE OUR SEPARATION LONG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO SEE I AM SERIOUS ABOUT HIM CHANGING OR GIVE MYSELF LONG ENOUGH TO SEE IF THAT IS REALLY WHAT I WANT.THE FIRST TIME I MISS HIM OR HE ASKS TO COME BACK I LET HIM.THIS MAN HAS DONE EVERYTHING IMAGABLE TO ME AND DOES NOT DO ONE SINGLE THING FOR ME.I AM NOT SAYING I DO NOT EVERY WANT TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE BUT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BROUGHT ALOT OF THIS ON MYSELF BY ACCEPTING IT. HE LEAVES FOR HIS HOMETOWN THIS FRIDAY.PLEASE PRAY FOR ME THAT I MIGHT LET HIM LEAVE AND GIVE THE LORD TIME TO SHOW ME THE WAY.MY FAITH IS NOT NEAR AS STRONG AS IT SHOULD BE.

 

[Blessed&Forgiven]

Dear Pooh25,

Hmmm...... I feel really sorry for you, things hasn't been well for you, has it?

I think you've done really well though... maybe you should get separated for a while to pray and to keep the children for a bad influence, and since you're independent anyway, why don't you try to keep away from him for a while?

In this case, if you want to stay away from him for sometime while you're praying, you might want to spend more times with friends and family who can support you mentally and in prayer. Otherwise you'll feel 'that lonely' feeling. I think both of you need the time just to be in peace and keep yourself together. Let him miss you. let him repent and let him find himself, pooh25...

And as for you, draw near to God and He will come near to you, and yeah, a lot of prayer need here. Stay close with friends and family so that you will not feel down.

Praying for you.

 

[desi]

Do you have relatives you can approach about this? Leaving him is bad so good counsel from the right people would probably be best.

 

[E-beth]

First of all, it is NOT your fault he has cheated on you. He made the decision to do what he did, whether he was allowed in your house or not.

Second of all, if he hits you, GET OUT AND STAY GONE.

Thirdly, if he has drugs in your home and gets caught, you will be in trouble as well and could lose your children. Is he worth that?

God never said separating from a bad person was sinful. Get away from him, and stay with relatives, friends, or a woman's shelter until you can establish yourself on your own.

Even if you don't want to lose this man, you have to think of your children. At least keep them out of an abusive environment. Because a man who won't give up the doobie to get a job and support his family does not have the best interest of the kids in his mind.

 

[SirKenin]

You'll find it all in Matthew 19

 

[bkg]

You need to be doing a bit of studying and comparing some versions and context. Don't rely on the bias of one particular version.

Think about it. You can divorce your wife if she had sex before marriage and marry someone else?

Let me give you a hint to get you started. The whole idea of it was based on a spouse defiling the marriage bed and thus breaking the covenant between husband and wife.

Both of you keep forgetting one thing....
the word "may"...

Jesus said we MUST forgive. He said we MAY divorce. You do the math.
bkg

 

[Warrior Poet]

More then defilling the bed trust has been broken....

Warrior Poet

 

[SirKenin]

More then defilling the bed trust has been broken....

Warrior Poet

This is true, however in Jesus' address to the Pharisees, Jesus was addressing the fact that a marriage is a covenant (not a contract). When the marriage bed has been defiled, the covenant has been broken.

Certainly there are trust issues like you said. I agree. However that was not the gist of Jesus' message in Matthew 19.

 

[joshua_cheung]

Hello,
I NEED PRAYER THAT I LISTEN TO GOD THIS TIME.I NEVER GIVE OUR SEPARATION LONG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO SEE I AM SERIOUS ABOUT HIM CHANGING OR GIVE MYSELF LONG ENOUGH TO SEE IF THAT IS REALLY WHAT I WANT.THE FIRST TIME I MISS HIM OR HE ASKS TO COME BACK I LET HIM.THIS MAN HAS DONE EVERYTHING IMAGABLE TO ME AND DOES NOT DO ONE SINGLE THING FOR ME.I AM NOT SAYING I DO NOT EVERY WANT TO MAKE OUR MARRIAGE BUT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BROUGHT ALOT OF THIS ON MYSELF BY ACCEPTING IT. HE LEAVES FOR HIS HOMETOWN THIS FRIDAY.PLEASE PRAY FOR ME THAT I MIGHT LET HIM LEAVE AND GIVE THE LORD TIME TO SHOW ME THE WAY.MY FAITH IS NOT NEAR AS STRONG AS IT SHOULD BE.

From my understanding of the Bible, these are the guidlines I got from the Lord. I will pray the Lord to show you your ways.

1. Let him to take care of himself.
(Reason - want to make him strong and independent)
2. Always willing to forgive him if he repents what he had done and really try to change.
(Reason - love contains forgiveness)
3. help him financially if it is necessary but don't try to live with him until he can take care of himself.
(Reason - give is better than receive)
4. Smoking is hazardous to people health. It is not good for the kids to learn smoking.
Don't allow him to stay with you and your kids until he can give up smoking.
Give up smoking means that he can control himself better.
(Reason - love your kids)
5. Tell him the situation of you and your kids daily. Don't ask his situation let him tell you his situation.
(Reason - this shows that you love him. you encourage him to do better)
6. Encourage him to do better.
(Reason - Encouragment contains forgive and love. Negative attitude contains hatred and judgement)

 

[Warrior Poet]

This is true, however in Jesus' address to the Pharisees, Jesus was addressing the fact that a marriage is a covenant (not a contract). When the marriage bed has been defiled, the covenant has been broken.

Certainly there are trust issues like you said. I agree. However that was not the gist of Jesus' message in Matthew 19.

Agreed but the OP has actually nothing to do with Matt 19 IMO.... not at this point at least....

Well technically no it hasn't, it does not end the "marriage". You are saying that to God its been void... does this then mean that those two are no longer married to each other? If so is remaining in the marriage and still having sex considered "sex out of wedlock"?? Or can you have sex with an ex-wife and not consider it sinful?
Just sparative thoughts here

I know what Jesus was saying I am saying and more so in this case..... this has EVERYTHING to do with trust as it is apparent the defication of the bed is not the problem.... as the OP explains it has become the destruction of trust.

Maybe this guy can do her a favor and divorce her..... I dont mean that.... but I do.

Warrior Poet

 

[bkg]

Agreed but the OP has actually nothing to do with Matt 19 IMO.... not at this point at least....

Well technically no it hasn't, it does not end the "marriage". You are saying that to God its been void... does this then mean that those two are no longer married to each other? If so is remaining in the marriage and still having sex considered "sex out of wedlock"?? Or can you have sex with an ex-wife and not consider it sinful?
Just sparative thoughts here

I know what Jesus was saying I am saying and more so in this case..... this has EVERYTHING to do with trust as it is apparent the defication of the bed is not the problem.... as the OP explains it has become the destruction of trust.

Agree with WP on this one. Jesus never, EVER said that the marriage was null/void in God's eyes because of adultry.

 

[Warrior Poet]

1. Unlawful sexual intercourse on the part of an unmarried person; the act of such illicit sexual intercourse between a man and a woman as does not by law amount to adultery.

Fornication.

 

[pooh25]

Thanks alot for everyones thoughts and prayers.I will cont. to need your prayers.You have been so encouraging and helpful.

 

[SirKenin]

Thanks alot for everyones thoughts and prayers.I will cont. to need your prayers.You have been so encouraging and helpful.

Just remember that the only person you have control over is yourself. It's time to turn to God for direction. Place the load on His shoulders. He wants to carry it for you. I won't knock your spouse, as I'm not like that, but I will say that before he comes back into your home that some good Christian marriage counselling might be in order. Perhaps even some drug rehabilitation should be mandated, for everyone's sake.

Pray for strength, but most importantly pray for wisdom. I pray all the time for wisdom. I don't care if I have anything else in life, all I want is to have righteous wisdom. Wisdom outweighs any wealth.

Hopefully this will be of some help to you.