Selfish

[Sisof8]

I struggled with self-injury , and more recently, suicidal desires... I feel like my friends must all hate me because unlike most self-injurers i can't "keep it a secret". i have a friend who recently found out that my si has progressed to suicidal desires and she asked me to call her if i ever need to talk pray whatever. i know that when i tell SI people that ir eally mean it, but... i also feel so selfish. is it selfish to tell other people when i am hurting? they can't make it better. it will hurt them to know i am hurting... but... she will ask. is it more selfish to do it and tell her if she asks or to call and "make" her walk me through a specific episode? just telling her "i did it" if she asks is a lot faster and maybe she'll get sick of me and than won't be hurt by me anymore...

any comments? am i just wanting y'all to focus on me or is this ok?

 

[Renwolf]

I think it's great that you are reaching out to your friends for support and I think it's even more great that your friends are willing to be there for you when you need them. It's not selfish at all to lean on your friends a bit when you don't feel well. You said it yourself, you'd do the same for them. That's what friends do. It's not a bad thing at all.

I know that I would much rather have someone come to be before giving in to the urge than after. Nothing is more frustrating than having someone coming to me afterwards when it's too late for me to even try to help. I'd much rather them come to me before and tell me they're struggling so I can be with them and offer alternatives and share my strength with them so they can fight the urge.

Now, about these suicidal urges. How serious are they?

 

[NinadeDios777]

i've actually struggled with this a lot lately with my sister megan.... she gets hurt and upset if i do tell her, but when i don't tell her and she finds out alter (and she DOES find out. and if she doesn't, my other sisters or brother will) she gets even MORE hurt and disappointed that i didn't tell her about it in the first place. i would still tell people, even though it hurts them, because the more people you tell, the more likely it is that *someone* will somehow be able to help you. or at least, get you help.

 

[always_hope]

It is never wrong to tell someone when you are hurting. It is never selfish to tell people about your feelings!

Love,
Hope

 

[Sisof8]

Now, about these suicidal urges. How serious are they?

umm... like a 7 out of 10. like if 1 was it crossed my mind once in my life and 10 was i had everything set and the date planned out... like i know i won't do it, but.. i want to a lot of the time and i know how i'd want to and everything. it's not a big deal.. i just.. i dunno. i feel like such a loser. God loves me, people love me, and yet... I just hurt and want it to stop hurting.

 

[Annoula]

my dear,

it's better to tell than to go through it all alone.
maybe if you have many people that you feel free to tell, you can call each of them in different occasions.

reach out for people... we are here to help each other and ourselves.

love and hugs,

Anna

 

[Renwolf]

umm... like a 7 out of 10. like if 1 was it crossed my mind once in my life and 10 was i had everything set and the date planned out... like i know i won't do it, but.. i want to a lot of the time and i know how i'd want to and everything. it's not a big deal.. i just.. i dunno. i feel like such a loser. God loves me, people love me, and yet... I just hurt and want it to stop hurting.

Those are some pretty stong suicidal urges, there. Please talk to someone about this. And please please remember that dying won't just make the hurting stop, it'll make everything stop. You'll lose your opportunity to experience all of the wonderful things about life. I know it's hard to think about those things now, but they're out there waiting for you. You just have to stick around long enough to get through this so you can enjoy them.

You're not a loser. Please stay strong and hang in there.

 

[Sisof8]

last night i was like a 9.5, but a friend helped me through it.

i am really dizzy right now. cutting makes me feel less stressed, but it doesnt help me to function better.

 

[Soulwings]

I feel the same way you do. I'd say that you should tell people about your feelings and let them help you ... but then I'd be a hypocrite because I have trust issues; I don't talk to anyone really about feelings. But it'll help you to feel better. I don't really know what to say about the friends thing- the if you tell them, then they'll be hurt. I've been through that and after making one of my friends cry, I decided to never talk about my feelings again. So...
Even though that wasn't a lot of help... know I'm here. Talk to someone about the suicide urges; Renwolf was right, those are pretty strong and pretty serious.