I’ve touched on this topic before, but I keep learning more, and gaining a deeper knowledge of myself and our marriage. We’ve come to understand a majority of the problems, frustrations, conflicts we’ve suffered over our 14 years were a volital combination of my total lack of self esteem and her guarding of her emotions. This was a breeding ground of assumptions, conclusions jumped to, and virtually all were to the negative. Neither of us was often willing to talk first, to be vulnerable for fear of standing alone. So we’d only let each other in to a limited degree. This left each of us with a head full of assumptions as to what the other was thinking. What a nasty prison the human mind can be.
A few days ago I had an outpouring of emotions (sounds girly I know lol) while having coffee early in the morning. I began writing things down, feelings I’d had all the way back to two short meetings we’d had before we officially met (as adults anyway.) I fessed up how quickly I began falling for her, which was so soon it could be called insane. But that’s another topic. I explained how I’m enjoying reminiscing through those early times together with a new perspective. How I get a bit melancholy thinking how much more we could have enjoyed it all if not for Satan’s best tool...fear. I explained how I didn’t want to further discuss the rough years but rather only return to the good stuff.
She opened up and explained to me how she was so filled with regret about things she did back then that it made it difficult for her to even think of those times. I told her she has to forgive herself for that. We were both very flawed, emotionally wrecked individuals The Lord put together to help each other. Once again I feel closer to her, deeper in love, and absolutely vulnerable to her. It’s less scary every day. I feel like there’s more I need to say (to her and here) but I’m not sure what. I leave this here because it can possibly help others take a shorter route to where we are as a couple. I don’t regret the past as it made us who we are. But there surely must’ve been an easier way. Lol
A few days ago I had an outpouring of emotions (sounds girly I know lol) while having coffee early in the morning. I began writing things down, feelings I’d had all the way back to two short meetings we’d had before we officially met (as adults anyway.) I fessed up how quickly I began falling for her, which was so soon it could be called insane. But that’s another topic. I explained how I’m enjoying reminiscing through those early times together with a new perspective. How I get a bit melancholy thinking how much more we could have enjoyed it all if not for Satan’s best tool...fear. I explained how I didn’t want to further discuss the rough years but rather only return to the good stuff.
She opened up and explained to me how she was so filled with regret about things she did back then that it made it difficult for her to even think of those times. I told her she has to forgive herself for that. We were both very flawed, emotionally wrecked individuals The Lord put together to help each other. Once again I feel closer to her, deeper in love, and absolutely vulnerable to her. It’s less scary every day. I feel like there’s more I need to say (to her and here) but I’m not sure what. I leave this here because it can possibly help others take a shorter route to where we are as a couple. I don’t regret the past as it made us who we are. But there surely must’ve been an easier way. Lol
