Hello everyone,
For years it seems I've been dealing with many emotional wounds or stumbling blocks which include:
Anxiety, Bitterness, Confusion, Depression, Discouragement, Doubt, Fear, Fear Of Rejection, Guilt, Loneliness, Low Self Esteem, Oppression, Rejection, Self Condemnation, Self Unforgiveness, Self Hatred, Self Rejection, Shame, Unbelief and Worthlessness.
These emotional wounds or stumbling blocks are caused for many reasons. The reasons including the following:
I came from a dysfunctional family during childhood,...
That right there is what helped to make you who you are today.
Though it sounds cliche' it remains true and affective. Seek mental/emotional health counseling. This is bigger than you are, because the formative years and the environment you found yourself in from infancy on, has helped to make you who you are.
It's called, adolescent mental and emotional
hardwiring.
Hard-wire = (3)To determine or put into effect by physiological or neurological mechanisms; make automatic or innate:
"It may be that certain orders of anxiety are hard-wired in us" (Armand Schwerner)
Simply put, we know what we're told, we are what we see, we become who we're molded to be.
I too came from a very interesting family. Hard-wiring can begin in utero,when the mother, who's body and fetus ingest everything she eats or drinks and are thereby affected, is also responsible for everything she experiences emotionally, psychically and physically, because all those experiences release chemicals in her body in response to them.
Parenting is the most sacred of all responsibility any person can choose to undertake.
Sadly, the child of that parent is born pure, ignorant of the ways of the world, and wholly spontaneous in their reactions to it. And yet who their parent(s) is, takes all that openness and forms a cover, a shroud, over it, that is formed from that one who's lived longer and experienced personally the world they find themselves in, and gives it to their child as role model, teacher, guide, using their own hard wiring for instruction.
What a mother finds frustrating when she's dusting her house during spring cleaning can, as a dust mote caught in the sunlight that streams through the living room window, capture the joyful squealing attention of her baby, as that precious treasure looks in awe and plays with what we see as something yet to be captured by our dust mop.
How that child is taught to respond to that dust bunny helps to begin the shaping of their understanding of their world. The instruction that meets the overall innocent exuberant joy of that infant and very often conflicts, sets the stage for unconscious programming of that little one's future perception as relates to seeing the next dust bunny.
From that benign dusty thing, unto parental relationships playing out before their eyes, to how they're trained to come into their own in walking, talking, potty training, etc... the rules of the world, so to speak, meets the exuberant open mindedness and emotional innocence of that child. And they either conflict or are in accord, depending upon the parent(s) reactions and life experiences that causes them to subjectively judge each experience the little one is to undertake.
A dysfunctional family atmosphere will always affect a child and cause them to be dysfunctional in their own sense of self. Because all they ever knew as to the ways of the world and their part in it, was exampled as dysfunction.
And then, going out and encountering those who live their own experiences and populate the world outside our own house, leads to more hard wiring, more programming, as we take in how others behavior is exampled when they encounter and filter the life they've been led to comprehend, judge, experience, react to and with, while our training in those same areas cause us to see that same world and those same events very differently through our own set of filters. And when they're dysfunctional from the source that placed them there; our parent(s), family experience from infancy on, we can seem odd or weird to others who never lived that way in their own house.
Prayer by itself won't fix this. Letting go of the past, a simple bit of advice, isn't so simple. Seek therapy and come to grips with who you are and why.
Learn to lift the glasses that color your perception of the world and your emotional sense of self, and see the world differently by seeing yourself as better than what you've been hard wired to believe you are.
This link, with articles and resources, may be of assistance.
Hard-Wiring the Adolescent Brain
By Lerri Cooper, M.Ed. Edmond Family Counseling
(*Note the classes & groups link, in the left column)
If you don't contact that group, consider researching those available in your own area. Free, open communication and confidential. Healing is possible, if you know you're worth getting better.
Benjamin Franklin said, "God helps those who help themselves."
It is not a sign of weakness, or a lack of trust in the Lord, to seek counseling from those who are trained to help you identify and cope with your troubles.
You can never be called weak, when you have survived your experiences and now seek to find a way to better your journey without the burdens you've carried all this time.
I wish you peace, continued strength, insight, foresight and the confidence you need to continue to venture toward that light that shines at the end of this long dark emotional tunnel you now find yourself in.
It shines because it is calling you to it. And it is calling you now to arrive at this decision to seek help, because it is time.
God bless and keep you, always.
