Self destruction and aggression is taking over me **Trigger Warning**

[Newsgurl]

ok so a background of how I ended up like this I had encephalitis when I was 7 and when I got better later in my teen years I went on a path of self destruction. I was getting thoughts of Suicide and I started self harming. I have been in 4 different psych hospitals for this problem and every day it seems like it’s getting worse. I am now 27 and still have thoughts of suicide every day and some days I just cry b/c I want these thoughts to get out of my head I just haven’t found a way to cope with my feelings yet. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody b/c every day feels like it’s gonna b my last day.

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

Have you tried taking any meds? There's an assortment of options and different meds work better some people other meds work better for others. Even just taking the edge off a bit, even for awhile can help. I've been mostly mildly depressed for most of my life. At one time, when my depression became more severe, I decided to try meds, and used them for awhile. I think my sister has used depression meds for years, she's an RN, and say's they help her. Praise God for modern medicines, for providing the means to make them, and giving men minds capable of conceiving them.

 

[Newsgurl]

I’m on meds now I’ve basically tried every drug that’s out there. I have been a test human since I was 14. I just try to think positive and make the best of each day but some days it just gets to me

 

[Paul of Eugene OR]

ok so a background of how I ended up like this I had encephalitis when I was 7 and when I got better later in my teen years I went on a path of self destruction. I was getting thoughts of Suicide and I started self harming. I have been in 4 different psych hospitals for this problem and every day it seems like it’s getting worse. I am now 27 and still have thoughts of suicide every day and some days I just cry b/c I want these thoughts to get out of my head I just haven’t found a way to cope with my feelings yet. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody b/c every day feels like it’s gonna b my last day.

Praying for God to give you a great blessing of deliverence

 

[God is good]

I’m on meds now I’ve basically tried every drug that’s out there. I have been a test human since I was 14. I just try to think positive and make the best of each day but some days it just gets to me

God loves you very much and I am sorry you have to go through this but remember, Jesus is always with us. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.

 

[salt-n-light]

ok so a background of how I ended up like this I had encephalitis when I was 7 and when I got better later in my teen years I went on a path of self destruction. I was getting thoughts of Suicide and I started self harming. I have been in 4 different psych hospitals for this problem and every day it seems like it’s getting worse. I am now 27 and still have thoughts of suicide every day and some days I just cry b/c I want these thoughts to get out of my head I just haven’t found a way to cope with my feelings yet. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody b/c every day feels like it’s gonna b my last day.

Weird question, but how's your eating habits?

Ive noticed that with the change of what I ate, it drastically affected my depression from moderate, to very mild.

 

[Newsgurl]

I eat pretty healthy

 

[salt-n-light]

I eat pretty healthy

describe

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

I’m on meds now I’ve basically tried every drug that’s out there. I have been a test human since I was 14. I just try to think positive and make the best of each day but some days it just gets to me

On my best days, I think little about myself or situation or troubles, instead I think on the things of God. Keeping the mind on things other than self is the best solution in my honest opinion. The more inward our thoughts are on self, the longer the self-pity parties last, or so it seems to me. I see you're a Baptist, maybe search for sermons by C.H. Spurgeon related to the topic...if I could just recall a nice quote by him on the subject that I halfway remember...his point is true, at least I have found it to be true. God centered thinking can go a long way towards helping the worst of situations. Imagine how Christians locked up in prison have felt, the hopelessness of the situation, and yet we can read about times where they rose above the situation, lifted high with peace surpassing understanding. Where else but God could one go in order to rise above a temporary hopelessness before them?

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

Blessed by reading and meditating on Scripture, turning all thoughts to Jesus and Scripture for His purpose, His plan, and His help. Not like religiously, but like God's very own letter to you personally - try reading Psalms and 1st John, and Matthew, for example..... read slowly, and out loud if able.

I’m on meds now I’ve basically tried every drug that’s out there. I have been a test human since I was 14. I just try to think positive and make the best of each day but some days it just gets to me

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

Weird question, but how's your eating habits?

Ive noticed that with the change of what I ate, it drastically affected my depression from moderate, to very mild.

Changing ones eating habit can only go so far, and in some cases perhaps not far at all. I remember being so down and feeling hopeless, like there was nothing I could do to change my situation, because every attempt at change came up short and failed, because the circumstances and situation outside of me would not change, and no amount of dieting, meds, positive thinking, etc. would produce actual change to my situation, not the kind of change I had desired for years upon years. Change finally came, but not by the means I wanted, I had to step way out of my comfort zone, and in mysterious ways God intervened.

 

[Jeshu]

Sorry to hear that you suffer this deeply already for so long. My longest stretch in the pit was seven long years so i do know what it is like to be rock bottom. i also tried all kind of medications to help me with my depression but none helped, many made it worse. i sought for years for something better. In the end i found relief from constant depression using 2000 mg vitamin D3, 30 mg Zinc and 400 mg of 5-htp a day and i found that now i cycle through my low moods at different levels and don't always have to be rock bottom.

i also found that seeking The Lord while rock bottom is a wonderful aid in trouble. As a matter of fact He can take the worst of our suffering away with His love even when we have to be rock bottom. He gives us the ability to face suicide head on and reject its temptations and accompanies us in our lowest downs. i found that faith in His love brings hope for better and this hope does never disappoint us.

The trick is to look at Jesus when depression strikes and not get bogged down by our own misery. i know this is hard to do but so worth it.

To grow God's love in those loveless places in our psyche is the way out of depression. The more we let God into our hurting life the more He brings us the ability to deal with it.

Life doesn't have to be rock bottom even when we are sick faith in God's love can make all the difference.

Be of good courage.