Self-Conscious

[Mayflower1]

Hello all. Everything has been going so very well. But I do still struggle sometimes. This morning was one of them. I had told my church family about my SI, but up until today, I kept my skirts in the closet. I missed them though, and so I felt brave today and wore a skirt and a nice blouse. I have two very long and ugly scars running down my legs and I was so scared about that. No one said anything. A couple I could tell took a good look at them but not a word. I was glad. But at the same time, it was at the back of my mind the entire time at church and it kind of made me so embarressed. They make me feel so ugly at times. I think I might keep them hidden longer. I miss my pretty skirts, but they will heal soon enough. I refuse to cut anymore and haven't in almost a month. I lost count though so I can't say for sure. But that is a good thing. Hugs to you all. Shara

 

[ChristInAction]

I'm glad your doing better, & your so brave to wear a skirt.
It take me at lest 3 months after i've cut to wear short sleeves with heaps of bracelets & i never not wear the braclets.
So that was so brave in my book.
anyone that sees them will give ya werid looks, but remember, God thinks every inch of you is beautiful.
keep it up, set a goal u wanna reach.
love & prayers.
ally xox

 

[flying_kiwifruit]

That was brave, I'm still after at least six months of not cutting my arms very hesistant to wear anything with short sleeves. So wearing a skirt to church was a very brave thing to do. It can take a while to get used to people looking at the scars but you do get used to it slowly, I have slowly and now can wear something short sleeved in some circumstances. Maybe try wearing a skirt to church until you are comfertable with that then to other places.

 

[DoesAnybodyHearHer]

yeah i think you are really brave in wearing a skirt.
i cant even wear short sleeves.
anyway praying that you will be able to wear your pretty skirts with out feeling embaressed.

 

[Mayflower1]

well, most of my cuts are in unseen places thankfully, but I happen to put the worse two right there. But thanks ya'll. It is great to be able to share here even with small little things like these.

 

[justaspeck]

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[Kristen.NewCreation]

I hear you. Even though it has been several years now since I've SI'd, there are days when I will see someone looking at my scars and it will bother me. Since the ones on my arms are extensive, and I have scars from neck to feet, it's tough at moments.

Most recently, I've obtained a kitten. I was putting up the Christmas tree a couple nights ago, and she decided to "help" me do so. But intending to catch the branches that were moving as I adjusted them, she got my hand pretty bad. I didn't think much about it (except how much it hurt, which is a big blessing) until I went to work yesterday and a couple colleagues were teasing me about SIing (they know about the kitten). Since then, I've been very self-conscious as I don't want anyone to think that I've relapsed and I don't want to be back in that place of using SI to make me feel better.

For a brief moment I considered how easy it would be to start again, which is why I'm blessed that it hurt. I'm not numb to the pain anymore. The last time I SI'd it hurt, when the kitten got me - it hurt. Bottom line... pain is not good! Besides, there are enough scars on this body for a couple lifetimes!

 

[Mayflower1]

thanks for that. It makes me grateful that I my cuts aren't really "extensive." If I continue to stop now, then in a year or so, the scars on my legs and thighs will disappear!

 

[secretx]

that's great!!

At first I thought "kept my skirts in the closet" was en expression for keeping a secret or something like that

 

[littlenova]

i wish i could go barefoot,that's my scar area. i think u going so long without doing anything shows you've got it going on lily. that helps me right now