How can I increase my self-confidence? I try to think positively and I try to think of the things that I'm doing good at, but it's hard for me to do. Sometimes I am pretty self confident, but most of the time I'm really not. I think part of it is not getting closure on some things that happened in my youth group back in high school. There was a guy in the group who I wanted to date at one time, then later decided to be friends with him. He was usually pretty rude to me and neve really treated me very well. I couldn't understand and still don't understand why he was so mean. I was not a cheerleader and I didn't dress that well (my family was dealing with some financial strain) and I was not all that talkative or outgoing. I was friends with most of the girls in youth group though and also friends with a few of the guys. Well, this one guy I am talking about, he just made it miserable for me sometimes!! For example, our group went to the mall one saturday and as we were entering the mall he came up to me and said "Do you have any other clothes?" and I didn't know what he meant. So, I asked and he said "Are cargo pants all you have to wear...I mean, it's just, that's like all you wear" ...I can't remember his exact words but something like that. I told him that I liked them and they were comfortable. I didn't want to explain that I wore them cuz they were always on sale at old navy. Other similar situations happened as well. And, throughout high school, it seems I was always facing rejection. The guys I liked didn't like me back cuz I was not their type and I tried everything to just be "normal" like all the other girls. Then, in college I was finally asked out a few times, but all the relationships I had ended up being with guys who just didn't think I was worth the time and effort for a real relationship. I know this may sound trivial, shallow, or silly, but I've never gotten flowers, never been surprised, nothing like that. No guy I have dated has done something like that for me and I keep thinking no guy ever will. As much as I try to tell myself that I deserve to be treated special by the guy I date, I just don't believe it. I honestly don't believe I deserve it and I'm always searching for ways to deserve it. Now, I know God blesses us when we don't deserve it! However, with guys I'm not so sure it's the same. Is there something I need to do to deserve a guy to make a fuss over me? If so, what is it? And, how can I gain self confidence so that I can feel like I am worth all the trouble?
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Self Confidence
- Thread starter Living4Him03
- Start date
You do deserve to be treated special. I have felt that way to. I have never been asked out and often wonder why and wonder if I am not worth it. I have to remember that the only person that can truley show you that you are worth anything is God. When I feel like I am not worth it I think about the fact that Jesus died on the cross for ME. HE died for YOU. He thought that you were worthy. You are worth it and should be treated like it. If the guy is shallow enough to belive you are not worth it then he is not worthy of you.
Hope this helps.
Hope this helps.
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Thanks! Actually, I was hoping maybe some guys would answer this one. Guys, what does it take to make you not only WANT to do something special for the person you are dating, but actually DO that something special for her? Have you dated girls where you didn't feel it was really necessary to do something special and with others it was something you felt like you wanted to do?
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catch22
Filmmaker for Christ
I don't know. It's hard to put stipulations on this sort of thing. I know there's one girl who I would get flowers, candy, cards, everything basically for, but honestly, I can't see myself doing that stuff for any other girl No other girls are that special to me. One thing I think it might be is that these days so many girls are trying to be like guys (In terms of vulgarity and how they dress and what not). I want a girl who's not afraid to be a girl. I mean if a girl is just like "one of the guys"....*shudders* I don't want to be buying flowers and the ilk for "one of the guys". And another thing is, most of the "guys" never become men. The very nature of our society is counterproductive in that respect. Men are uncommon...so are women for that matter. And if you think about it, all of the "guys" are basically the same. All that a guy is is someone whose perpetually stuck between boyhood and manhood. I think I'm ranting, so I'll stop now.
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Hmm...that makes sense. You know, maybe the reason I had so much trouble with guys in high school was that I rarely dressed up or wore lots of makeup. I actually would usually just put on lip gloss and go! I was busy acting and daydreaming to care alot about how I looked. I thought that I was going to become an actress and go to hollywood and that they would give me a makeover..lol. Anyway, I guess I can understand why cargo pants would be a turn off. I tried to get tips from the cheerleader girls in youth, but I still couldn't compare to them. I sure with that guy would apologize to me for being so mean. I never did anything to him. The cheerleader girls didn't like him and I always got them to be nice to him anyway, I dunnow why. Oh well...I guess my ranting is getting boring. THanks for your reply catch22. 
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catch22
Filmmaker for Christ
Just be sure not to go overboard with the makeup. I'm really just speaking about the old me here, because the new me has basically sworn off dating and all of that kind of stuff. I think until the right girl comes along (again) I'm just going to stay single (and a half). But anyway....back on topic. It's disgusting and unfortunate, but true....most guys have the same motivation for pursuing women, and it's anything but honorable. I think in general, there's a big problem with relationships these days. I mean just turn on the TV and THATS what it's supposed to be like? I sure hope not. Unfortunatley, in most of my friends relationships, that pettiness and selfishness is what I see reflected with a suprising amount of regularity. People are afraid to be selfless these days because it leaves you vulnerable. I forgot where I was going with this, so I'll just leave it at that.
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William Nunn
Babies enjoy living too!
Don't let it get to you Living. The world is full of shallow and small-minded people who wouldn't know a good man/woman if it bit them on the rear-end.
I dated a girl in high school who I thought was great. Pretty, smart, nice, the whole deal. But most of my friends thought she was ugly. She didn't wear much make-up, she wore glasses, dressed conservatively, so they thought she wasn't worth their time. "Oh well" I thought, "their loss!" And some man is going to think that way about you Living4Him. Some guy is going to look at you and be absolutely bowled over that you haven't been asked out by every guy from New York to New Mexico. So don't let it stress you. Be confident that you are a beautiful person - and if you are good enough for God, then you are good enough for a man (not a guy, but a man!).
There's really no way to get a guy to send you flowers and stuff though. It's just about if he loves you enough to take the time to do it. I never thought I'd be mushy enough to do that sort of thing for any woman, but my fiancee has turned me into a big, sappy, romantic mess! And you will have the same effect on a man someday.
EDIT: I just saw your pic in the photo forum Living, and yeah, you will DEFINITELY have a man falling all over himself. If you don't already, then you must just be surrounded with blind men. Or stupid ones.
I dated a girl in high school who I thought was great. Pretty, smart, nice, the whole deal. But most of my friends thought she was ugly. She didn't wear much make-up, she wore glasses, dressed conservatively, so they thought she wasn't worth their time. "Oh well" I thought, "their loss!" And some man is going to think that way about you Living4Him. Some guy is going to look at you and be absolutely bowled over that you haven't been asked out by every guy from New York to New Mexico. So don't let it stress you. Be confident that you are a beautiful person - and if you are good enough for God, then you are good enough for a man (not a guy, but a man!).
There's really no way to get a guy to send you flowers and stuff though. It's just about if he loves you enough to take the time to do it. I never thought I'd be mushy enough to do that sort of thing for any woman, but my fiancee has turned me into a big, sappy, romantic mess! And you will have the same effect on a man someday.
EDIT: I just saw your pic in the photo forum Living, and yeah, you will DEFINITELY have a man falling all over himself. If you don't already, then you must just be surrounded with blind men. Or stupid ones.
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Buskanaka
Hold me in your arms, never let me run away
It's not about how you dress though, truly beautiful people show it through their personality, and it doesn't matter what clothes they're wearing. In regards to the doing special stuff, I think it just all depends on the individual, some guys are more creative/spontaneous and like doing things like that, others aren't like that. I think maybe many guys are also worried that they will scare a girl off by doing special stuff.
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On a completely selfish level, its such a blessing to me when I read posts that describe almost exactly how I feel!
You should be proud of your good attitude to life. The Lord has given you a lovely gift of genuineness. Sounds like this guy in your youth group had/has some kind of problem. I pray for healing for the hurt he caused you cos he was well out of order. Dont be sad. You are who you are, you are who God created you to be and He doesnt make mistakes ever. Know that you are loved by the Lord.
Its about true beauty and Living4Him youve got it! Because I can tell from your posts that you are a nice, genuine, beautiful person. Walk with the Lord and a man will be attracted to you, as a child of God, as a sister in Christ, that they may see Christ in you.
Let me recommend a book for you - Beauty by the Book by Nancy Stafford (Christian actress/model). Its rare that I read books, I dont often find them helpful. But this one helped me loads, cos I always have had very little confidence about myself & how I am & how I look. She writes not of physical beauty but of real inner beauty that can only come from Jesus Himself. Its about seeing yourself as God sees you. She talks of being rejected, being picked on for her looks etc. And its not to do with attracting that special someone but knowing that you yourself are a special someone to the Lord.
Its not silly to want a guy to care enough to give flowers etc. Its nice to get the attention (but only from the right guy, dont be wooed by someone the Lord doesnt want you to be with).
Build your confidence on the Lord! Dont look to guys to make you feel good about yourself, look to the Lord cos He loves you 10 million billion times more than anyone else can.
You're ace!
Love from your sis in Christ,
Garcookie
PS Feel free to PM.
You should be proud of your good attitude to life. The Lord has given you a lovely gift of genuineness. Sounds like this guy in your youth group had/has some kind of problem. I pray for healing for the hurt he caused you cos he was well out of order. Dont be sad. You are who you are, you are who God created you to be and He doesnt make mistakes ever. Know that you are loved by the Lord.
Its about true beauty and Living4Him youve got it! Because I can tell from your posts that you are a nice, genuine, beautiful person. Walk with the Lord and a man will be attracted to you, as a child of God, as a sister in Christ, that they may see Christ in you.
Let me recommend a book for you - Beauty by the Book by Nancy Stafford (Christian actress/model). Its rare that I read books, I dont often find them helpful. But this one helped me loads, cos I always have had very little confidence about myself & how I am & how I look. She writes not of physical beauty but of real inner beauty that can only come from Jesus Himself. Its about seeing yourself as God sees you. She talks of being rejected, being picked on for her looks etc. And its not to do with attracting that special someone but knowing that you yourself are a special someone to the Lord.
Its not silly to want a guy to care enough to give flowers etc. Its nice to get the attention (but only from the right guy, dont be wooed by someone the Lord doesnt want you to be with).
Build your confidence on the Lord! Dont look to guys to make you feel good about yourself, look to the Lord cos He loves you 10 million billion times more than anyone else can.
You're ace!
Love from your sis in Christ,
Garcookie
PS Feel free to PM.
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I think that you need to start acting like you are worth something. You are very special to the Lord. He loves you soooo much. It shoudn't matter what people think, though at times it can be difficult. But remember, how you think about yourself is probably what you will begin to project to others. Thus, people will treat you that way. I'm not saying you have to think you are everything, but believe in yourself. Remember the Lord. He cares for you so much. It grieves Him to see you not like yourself. Also, you should pray. Ask God to help you be more confident. And also remeber that you are a child of God.
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It sounds like the guys in your life have all been jerks. No decent guy goes up to a girl and asks her why she doesn't wear something else, regardless of what she's wearing, unless he's developed a close enough friendship with her for it to be appropriate. And it would take a very close friendship for that to be appropriate...
Don't try to be someone who you aren't; be yourself. If makeup and dressing up is comfortable for you, then go for it. But if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, then don't do it just to try to attract guys. Don't let your self worth depend on guys and what they think of you. Especially guys who are jerks, like the one you described.
Quite honestly, the only self-confidence that can't be shaken is the kind that comes from knowing what God thinks of you and trusting in that. If you rely on other people, of either gender, to indicate to you what you are worth, you'll never feel confident, because people can be very cruel at times, and even the nice ones sometimes hurt you accidentally. So just be the you who God made you to be, and be confident that you are worth the world to Him. In God's eyes, you are a princess. Even in cargo pants. And one day, He'll send you a guy who is worthy of buying you flowers, etc.
Don't try to be someone who you aren't; be yourself. If makeup and dressing up is comfortable for you, then go for it. But if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, then don't do it just to try to attract guys. Don't let your self worth depend on guys and what they think of you. Especially guys who are jerks, like the one you described.
Quite honestly, the only self-confidence that can't be shaken is the kind that comes from knowing what God thinks of you and trusting in that. If you rely on other people, of either gender, to indicate to you what you are worth, you'll never feel confident, because people can be very cruel at times, and even the nice ones sometimes hurt you accidentally. So just be the you who God made you to be, and be confident that you are worth the world to Him. In God's eyes, you are a princess. Even in cargo pants. And one day, He'll send you a guy who is worthy of buying you flowers, etc.
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Holy Warrior
In need of direction
Yeah, the guys you've described don't seem very dead on at all. And in your pic in the other post, you look very pretty.
I've found that the degree to which I'm attracted to a girl depends mainly on their personality. I can look at a girl and think she's gorgeous, but if she turns out to be "a dour aul' crater," as they say where I come from,( a cookie to the best translation attempt ) then I'm not interested.
It sounds kinda silly, but the best way I can think to describe it is that girls are like parcels-the wrapping can be interesting, but it's what's inside that's the main thing. Who would prefer an empty box with shiny wrapping paper and ribbons to a box of jewels wrapped in brown paper and parcel tape?
I've found that the degree to which I'm attracted to a girl depends mainly on their personality. I can look at a girl and think she's gorgeous, but if she turns out to be "a dour aul' crater," as they say where I come from,( a cookie to the best translation attempt
) then I'm not interested. It sounds kinda silly, but the best way I can think to describe it is that girls are like parcels-the wrapping can be interesting, but it's what's inside that's the main thing. Who would prefer an empty box with shiny wrapping paper and ribbons to a box of jewels wrapped in brown paper and parcel tape?
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superdave
are you super-natural?
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I have had self-confidence issues most of my life.Two of my biggest ones- was my weight, and my idenity. I have always been overweight... and always blocked out people when they made fun of me.... but always deep inside it made me hurt- made me feel like I was nothing. When some girls started liking me, I thought they were nuts. And... guess what- they were. I have had psychos like me... I mean really,big psychos. And that didn't do too well. I have recently decided- Enough is Enough. I might not be the buffest, hottest guy- But I am going to be healthy- and I am not going to be overweight. And I tell you this- God is faithful to help me. Praise Jesus...
Anyway- also my identity. I am not gay, but a lot of my life- I was never into guy things. My mind was on music and the arts, Not how the Dallas Cowboys were doing. I didn't really do things guys like to do... That was a special niche in my life. Well anyway, soon- people started thinking I was gay. And I tell you there is nothing worse than you being a reject because your fat, and then they tell you- you are gay!- Anyways, words really hurted me... they hurted me bad. REALLY BAD. So much the lies of the enemy just grafted into who I was. I accepted it, that I was never going to be loved, never going to have anything in life- I was meant to be some fat slob that lived in a dream world-- Man, this is really hard for me-- because I haven't shared it to anyone.
But something is changing- SATAN is a LIAR. Satan used so many lies on me, and I bought every stinking one of them. You know, It makes you really angry after you see for 20 years, that Satan has lied BIG TIME to you. You know, now that I know he's a liar- it gives me more desire to DESTROY HIM and show others that HE IS A LIAR!- I think that's going to be the theme of my ministry- is simply, "Exposing Lies"
Now I know what God says of me, He says I am a son, I am beloved, and that I am more precious than anything on this world. All these lies are false- Because I am precious.
And I believe God is going to manifest that in the natural- I am not really "Fat" now- but I do have some excess weight, and people have jokingly said things to me about it-- they didn't mean any harm...but that's when I decided-- Satan you aren't going to get me on this anymore. So, I believe by the end of the summer I will be 150 lbs. which means I will lose about 46 lbs.
And as for my identity, I am finding it in my father- I am a warrior... I am a dangerous guy... A Dangerous Guy in the Kingdom.
Anyway- the point of all this- is don't listen to the lies of the Enemy- they will do nothing to you. And Satan speaks through people too, not just directly to you- so realize if someone is putting you down- you need to tell him to shut up. And find out who you are- and when you know who you are- that's when your self-confidence will come.
Blessings,
Dave.
Anyway- also my identity. I am not gay, but a lot of my life- I was never into guy things. My mind was on music and the arts, Not how the Dallas Cowboys were doing. I didn't really do things guys like to do... That was a special niche in my life. Well anyway, soon- people started thinking I was gay. And I tell you there is nothing worse than you being a reject because your fat, and then they tell you- you are gay!- Anyways, words really hurted me... they hurted me bad. REALLY BAD. So much the lies of the enemy just grafted into who I was. I accepted it, that I was never going to be loved, never going to have anything in life- I was meant to be some fat slob that lived in a dream world-- Man, this is really hard for me-- because I haven't shared it to anyone.
But something is changing- SATAN is a LIAR. Satan used so many lies on me, and I bought every stinking one of them. You know, It makes you really angry after you see for 20 years, that Satan has lied BIG TIME to you. You know, now that I know he's a liar- it gives me more desire to DESTROY HIM and show others that HE IS A LIAR!- I think that's going to be the theme of my ministry- is simply, "Exposing Lies"
Now I know what God says of me, He says I am a son, I am beloved, and that I am more precious than anything on this world. All these lies are false- Because I am precious.
And I believe God is going to manifest that in the natural- I am not really "Fat" now- but I do have some excess weight, and people have jokingly said things to me about it-- they didn't mean any harm...but that's when I decided-- Satan you aren't going to get me on this anymore. So, I believe by the end of the summer I will be 150 lbs. which means I will lose about 46 lbs.
And as for my identity, I am finding it in my father- I am a warrior... I am a dangerous guy... A Dangerous Guy in the Kingdom.
Anyway- the point of all this- is don't listen to the lies of the Enemy- they will do nothing to you. And Satan speaks through people too, not just directly to you- so realize if someone is putting you down- you need to tell him to shut up. And find out who you are- and when you know who you are- that's when your self-confidence will come.
Blessings,
Dave.
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Wow! Thanks all for your responses, they've really encouraged me! I just had a long conversation (5 hours lol) with my boyfriend and we talked about self confidence and that helped as well. I am feeling so much better and so relieved now. Satan sure has a way of making us think about our insecurities and bringing us down. Thank the Lord He has given me this site and a boyfriend who understands to talk to you! And, His Son! Praise God!
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Living4Him03 said:
EVERYONE has that problem.
In case you didn't know, they were guys... guys don't care about that kind of stuff. It has little meaning to them generally. Only when the grow up and mature a little do they realize that not only is it important to girls, but a great way to show them you care.
Please be patient. Thinking like this will only lead you to allowing yourself to be treated like dirt. Even if it takes years and years, never settle for anything less than a very special guy, because that's who you deserve. A few years of waiting is well worth the price of a great lifelong partner.
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Living4Him03 said:
You have a boyfriend at the moment? That makes one thing simple - ask him for a flower
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Ha ha...he's unique. He's EXTREMELY analytical and this whole relationship stuff is like an experimental process to him (see Please Understand Me II, and check out the INTJ personality type, especially if that's you!), so it's really difficult to figure out what he's feeling/thinking and to really get to know him. He is a man of few words and things like flowers and little notes aren't really that important to him. He really doesn't see the usefulness in it. He has asked me what he could do for me, and I've told him about flowers and little notes and surprises, even if it's just to take me to a nice dinner or something. He has ideas and hints. It's just waiting for him to think that I'm special enough to actually carry through with those ideas
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