seeking truth

[Not Ideal]

Hi. I’m a single female in my thirties. For many years, I wanted to be a lifelong celibate, but in the last few years I’ve begun to wonder if that would really be the most fulfilling choice for me in the long run. I’m currently on a quest to find out the full truth, so to speak, about celibacy versus marriage. By that I also mean, finding out some of the inside scoop, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. A few of the questions I’ve had are not so easy to find answers to, especially honest answers. But I thought I’d pose one of my questions here today.
To give you a little background, I essentially grew up with the belief (especially from my early teens and onwards) that as Christians, we should stay as far away from sexual sin as possible. We should stay as pure as possible outside of marriage, instead of trying to get away with as much as possible. Definitely no premarital intercourse, no kissing outside of marriage even. Definitely no masturbation. No seeking to attract people of the opposite sex by wearing sexy clothing. No boyfriend-girlfriend relationships just for the fun of it. Purity all the way.
In early adulthood, I started to really think about 1 Corinthians 7:7-8, and I figured since I could stay away from sexual sin fairly easily, I probably had the gift of celibacy. I thought that celibacy is the preferred option, and marriage is something second best for people who don’t do such a good job of staying away from sexual sin. After all, in 1 Cor. 7:9, it does say that it is better to marry than to burn. And most of the people I knew who wanted to marry were “burning.” Marriage and sex seemed very unappealing to me. I really liked the idea of being a lifelong celibate, and I figured that is the best route for me.
(Don’t get me wrong though – I do know that there is a lot more to marriage than just the sexual aspect!)
As I’ve mentioned, in the last few years, various life circumstances kind of caused me to think about this a bit and to wonder if being a lifelong celibate will really be the most fulfilling route for me in the long run. So I’m now trying to find answers to certain questions I have…. One of these questions is kind of a sticky one, so to speak. I remember years ago in a psychology class hearing that becoming sexually active causes certain cells in the brain to increase. Physiological changes take place, basically, if someone becomes sexually active. I’ve also heard from different sources that once someone becomes sexually active, that person usually wants to continue having sex. And I’ve heard that people’s appetites for sex increase after they become sexually active.
My question (especially for those of you who are married and/or aren’t virgins) is, would you say that is true? What was it like for you to become sexually active? Did your desire for sex increase? If your spouse were to die or you were to divorce (which hopefully won’t happen, but for the sake of the question I mention it), do you think you could go back to living a life without sex, without masturbation, without physical intimacy, without genital stimulation? Or might it be more difficult to walk in purity than before you ever became sexually active?
Some people who develop alcohol or cigarette addictions have a really hard time stopping. Some don’t succeed at stopping. Sexual activity might not be exactly like that, but I do wonder.
Any answers would be appreciated.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Yes the desire increases. It increases until you can't control yourself! You end up doing it time after time, day after day, until you are spent. Then a slow decline happens and eventually you become an old duffer telling anyone who will listen, "When I was a young man the ladies fancied me."