Seeking Help on Bad Memory Lane

[Joy Allen]

If you have read any of my past posts, you would diagnose me as OCD. Listen, I am not looking for perfect here. I AM NOT PERFECT. I don't like germs, but I am not the anti-germ person that is constantly washing their hands (unless I use the bathroom, touch the dog, or have some raw meat in my hands from cooking dinner). Although, I do find myself oftentimes grabbing the germ-x in times like flu season or if I touched a door handle at work (I work in a school). I don't want to be sick. I hate being sick.

This month marks 9 years of hardcore intrusive thoughts. I never wanted it to last this long, but here I am. Lots and lots of random thoughts against God (Father, Son, Spirit). I really thought I had committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I didn't understand what it meant, but in past years, I learned. It was bad, but I held onto God even though I felt like maybe these thoughts were really me turning my back on Him. There was just a lot of cuss words randomly hurdled toward every name we call God through my head (mostly just God and Holy Spirit). I I had actually been interested if there was something that God didn't forgive because my stepdad said there was and he said it was cussing God. I also did internet research. I ultimately think it was a Satanic attack that escalated and bothered me- with repeats and new intrusive thoughts I had never seen online or heard. I actually did hear a kid on the bus cuss God once when I was in middle school. It was a hard journey. I also worked at Hobby Lobby, so whenever I still shop there sometimes, things run through my mind. I don't know if it's because there are Christian items in that store or what, but it happened so much there. I mean, I have left there in tears because I am trying to think one thing or not to think of something and what I am thinking of turns into another thought that feels personal, but isn't what I am trying to say or think. I was under a lot of stress when I did work there.

I started seeing a biblical counselor at a church in the fall of 2018 and the counselor ended services in summer 2019 (I wore out my welcome). She suggested just like a preacher I talked to stay in the Word (I do and I don't, I will today though). The pastor at my church just kind of looked at me like I'm crazy when I skimmed the top of my mess which was just the beginning. I believed I was crazy then. What I am really here for is that I have thought about seeking OCD treatment. Should I? When I mentioned it to the biblical counselor last year she said "This is what I have been trying to tell you the whole time." She didn't like the idea of seeking treatment. I agreed with her that I had OCD because I had toyed with the assumption of it too. I don't think she has a mental health degree either. I did see a psychologist back in July, and she referred me to a Psychiatrist who could treat me with meds and also screen me for PMDD (things get bad when I'm about to have a monthly cycle- I've even had suicidal thoughts, but I have prayed and that kind of thing went away). I really don't want medicine again. I know how to deal with anxiety and stuff- I was just really physically drained before I took it. It helped. Has anyone here every been treated for OCD? Does it help? I feel like from time to time I need help. I think hormones have a lot to do with how I react or even my brain just going down a walk on bad memory lane.

-CC

 

[AllDayFaith]

Shed your fears. Because you believe in Jesus you will never be judged or condemned. When you are fearful you will start to worry, which causes stress, and then you exhibit sickness and symptoms. Once you have shed your fear some of what you feel will go away. When you shelter yourself with the Lord, no harm will come to you. God will command His angels about your every step. You ever heard the song, "Don't you be afraid of giants in your way." God is bigger than any enemy or obstacle in your way.

 

[Joy Allen]

Shed your fears. Because you believe in Jesus you will never be judged or condemned. When you are fearful you will start to worry, which causes stress, and then you exhibit sickness and symptoms. Once you have shed your fear some of what you feel will go away. When you shelter yourself with the Lord, no harm will come to you. God will command His angels about your every step. You ever heard the song, "Don't you be afraid of giants in your way." God is bigger than any enemy or obstacle in your way.

Absolutely. I feel like a lot of it has left, but I get knocked down. Discouraged. Today I was talking to God and this faint thought comes to my mind. I am saved and I know I am. Even baptized. I'm talking to Him about issues and some sort of thought about hell or going there (I had a weird dream last night about people needing shoe boxes because they were about to go to hell- imagine waking up from that). I focused on the wall when I was talking to Him and "I'm going to hell..." runs through my head. I don't know if it was intrusive or I was distracted by that other thought that I can't even tell you what it was, so I just wonder if that thought just triggered that next one or that I was trying to figure out the thought and it was that. I really don't know what is going on in my head. It's like a freeze up of nothing and then BOOM- have a bad thought, kid.

 

[AllDayFaith]

We as fellow believers are supposed to build you up and encourage you. I'm here to say that you are very smart to follow Jesus, for He is the only way to God and eternal life. How often do you read the Bible? Have you ever read the whole thing in its entirety?

 

[Joy Allen]

We as fellow believers are supposed to build you up and encourage you. I'm here to say that you are very smart to follow Jesus, for He is the only way to God and eternal life. How often do you read the Bible? Have you ever read the whole thing in its entirety?

I am working on reading the whole bible. I started over in 2018 with a KJV. I started in the Psalms. It was super encouraging. I'm a lazy reader, but I am getting ready to head out on my porch to read. I have a plan to finish it this year because I have read many books out of it in the past year and a half.

 

[AllDayFaith]

All you need is 1 hour a day, you'll finish it in a few months. It takes time to let the Word work it's miracle within you.

 

[Joy Allen]

All you need is 1 hour a day, you'll finish it in a few months. It takes time to let the Word work it's miracle within you.

I may just do that. I am a slow reader. I like to stop and pray a lot when I am reading. There are times though that as I read scripture. I mean it happened a few minutes ago in replying to a thread on here. Random words will run through my mind as I read scripture and makes me feel like I am adding to the word. Everything is just always so hard since all of the junk started running through my head. My only advice to many who struggle is just to not give up. I just think of myself from time to time and what if I have to help another person on this same struggle bus? I wouldn't be as hard on them as I am on me. You just have to let go. It's just when you hit the junk comes in again. My bad habit is over thinking all of it. Or I think of something that I am trying to think of but I don't mean anything in a bad way, but I link it in some way, form, or fashion as a bad thought against God.

 

[AllDayFaith]

Those are very wise words, we are to comfort others with the same comfort we ourselves received from God in our times of struggle and healing.

 

[Joy Allen]

Those are very wise words, we are to comfort others with the same comfort we ourselves received from God in our times of struggle and healing.

Those are very wise words, we are to comfort others with the same comfort we ourselves received from God in our times of struggle and healing.

Currently encouraging the lady on the other thread we are both on. There are OCD groups on FB too that are for Christians. I don't feel like it's very helpful, but there are other people to collaborate with. It's been great talking to you today! I'd love to chat again!

 

[Samaritan Woman]

This month marks 9 years of hardcore intrusive thoughts. I never wanted it to last this long, but here I am. Lots and lots of random thoughts against God (Father, Son, Spirit)...What I am really here for is that I have thought about seeking OCD treatment. Should I?-CC

To put it plainly, yes you need to actively seek treatment for your OCD. I too have the diagnosis but, like you, am not obsessed with cleanliness or checking the door locks, etc. I also deal with intrusive thoughts which proper medication has GREATLY relieved; it is my opinion that not even a very competent therapist can remove those images and words bombarding the mind of an OCD sufferer. OCD is tied to disruptions of the neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain which proper medication should help stabilize. It can provide much needed relief to the mental torment from the disorder.

 

[Mari17]

If you have read any of my past posts, you would diagnose me as OCD. Listen, I am not looking for perfect here. I AM NOT PERFECT. I don't like germs, but I am not the anti-germ person that is constantly washing their hands (unless I use the bathroom, touch the dog, or have some raw meat in my hands from cooking dinner). Although, I do find myself oftentimes grabbing the germ-x in times like flu season or if I touched a door handle at work (I work in a school). I don't want to be sick. I hate being sick.

This month marks 9 years of hardcore intrusive thoughts. I never wanted it to last this long, but here I am. Lots and lots of random thoughts against God (Father, Son, Spirit). I really thought I had committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I didn't understand what it meant, but in past years, I learned. It was bad, but I held onto God even though I felt like maybe these thoughts were really me turning my back on Him. There was just a lot of cuss words randomly hurdled toward every name we call God through my head (mostly just God and Holy Spirit). I I had actually been interested if there was something that God didn't forgive because my stepdad said there was and he said it was cussing God. I also did internet research. I ultimately think it was a Satanic attack that escalated and bothered me- with repeats and new intrusive thoughts I had never seen online or heard. I actually did hear a kid on the bus cuss God once when I was in middle school. It was a hard journey. I also worked at Hobby Lobby, so whenever I still shop there sometimes, things run through my mind. I don't know if it's because there are Christian items in that store or what, but it happened so much there. I mean, I have left there in tears because I am trying to think one thing or not to think of something and what I am thinking of turns into another thought that feels personal, but isn't what I am trying to say or think. I was under a lot of stress when I did work there.

I started seeing a biblical counselor at a church in the fall of 2018 and the counselor ended services in summer 2019 (I wore out my welcome). She suggested just like a preacher I talked to stay in the Word (I do and I don't, I will today though). The pastor at my church just kind of looked at me like I'm crazy when I skimmed the top of my mess which was just the beginning. I believed I was crazy then. What I am really here for is that I have thought about seeking OCD treatment. Should I? When I mentioned it to the biblical counselor last year she said "This is what I have been trying to tell you the whole time." She didn't like the idea of seeking treatment. I agreed with her that I had OCD because I had toyed with the assumption of it too. I don't think she has a mental health degree either. I did see a psychologist back in July, and she referred me to a Psychiatrist who could treat me with meds and also screen me for PMDD (things get bad when I'm about to have a monthly cycle- I've even had suicidal thoughts, but I have prayed and that kind of thing went away). I really don't want medicine again. I know how to deal with anxiety and stuff- I was just really physically drained before I took it. It helped. Has anyone here every been treated for OCD? Does it help? I feel like from time to time I need help. I think hormones have a lot to do with how I react or even my brain just going down a walk on bad memory lane.

-CC

Thank you so much for posting! This definitely sounds like OCD to me. Actually, this is a really common obsession among Christians with OCD. Those of us with OCD have a brain that is extra anxious, so that excess anxiety tends to latch onto weird/scary thoughts that it thinks will bother us, and makes us start way over-analyzing and freaking out about them. Yes, definitely get treatment if you can - I mean, from an OCD specialist. You can also learn to self-treat (that's what I did), but I think therapy can be helpful for support and accountability, so whatever you think you need, go for it! The therapy that's considered the best for OCD is ERP therapy (a form of CBT therapy), which is not the same as just "talk" therapy. Wow, I could go on and on about OCD, but I'll stop there for now. But feel free to ask any questions that you want, and I can share more of my experiences and/or provide links to helpful resources if you want. OCD is tough to deal with, but there's so much hope for being able to manage it and live more freely!