Seeing....

[Stacers823]

I want to stop really I do. The reason I started out was..because I have epilepsy just diagnosed a year ago. I would get so angry everytime I had a seizure that first I would just cry. But that wasnt enough then I would have to resort to other things then SI became my only outlet. I see that I have to stop. I mean people are asking about the scars the bruises. But I just lie them away. I feel really guilty. I mean how do you become addicted and so needful to something so awful.

 

[Cat59]

Hi Stacers!
It's great that you want to stop and you're right, sometimes SI can seem like an addiction. There is help out there, though, it's just a case of trying to find it.
Have you seen your doctor about it? Perhaps they will know, also sometimes churches have counsellors who can work on this sort of thing.
In the meantime, I'll say lots of prayers for you.


Cat

 

[Bevlina]

I want to stop really I do. The reason I started out was..because I have epilepsy just diagnosed a year ago. I would get so angry everytime I had a seizure that first I would just cry. But that wasnt enough then I would have to resort to other things then SI became my only outlet. I see that I have to stop. I mean people are asking about the scars the bruises. But I just lie them away. I feel really guilty. I mean how do you become addicted and so needful to something so awful.

Darling .... everything takes time to heal. The shock of knowing you were an epileptic amy have triggered your mind in some way. And, I agree with what Cat says. Know that we will pray for you and support you to the best of our ability.
There are others here the same. Don't feel in the least bit guilty here.

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

hunni... everything will get better in time if you have faith and you try your hardest. You can do it, hunni. You're not alone. Hang in there, sweetheart.

-Jo.

 

[Stacers823]

Thanks,
I am realizing through all this it is easier to believe in someone else then to believe in yourself.
I finally told someone at my church someone I have been able to talk to since I have been going there. First she was in shock then she prayed with me. Then we talked. She suggested going to see a counsler. Which is kinda ironic because that is exactly what I was going into at college. But how do I do that without telling my mom. I dont want her or anyone else watching over me like a hawk. Its bad enough they do that with the epilespy. I guess I am just being paranoid. I dont know I am just confused today is all

 

[InHisSpirit]

Remember people wath because they care about you. I encourage you as a recovered SI there is hope!! Know we are here to pray and help as well.

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

Thanks,
I am realizing through all this it is easier to believe in someone else then to believe in yourself.

It may seem that way now. But, always remember... in the end... who will you ALWAYS have? Yourself... and God. Don't get me wrong, it's GREAT that you told someone. I'm so proud of you for making that step. But, I don't want you to become too dependent on someone else. Sometimes, that isn't the greatest thing to do. Please know I'm not telling you to stop talking about it or turning to people for help. I'm sooo happy you did that. It takes alot of courage to tell someone, I know. And it feels so much better to get it all off your chest. But, what I'm saying is, I don't want you to become 'life-dependent' on this person. Meaning, if (BIG if) something happened to this person, you wouldn't be able to get better anymore... or worse. I wouldn't want that to happen.

As far as counseling goes... It's a GREAT idea... Counseling is the best step I ever made. If you're 18 or older... you don't have to tell your parents you're in counseling. Also, some places will work with you to fit your budget so you aren't getting slammed with therapy fees and up to your neck in debt. It's a great idea... I hope you take it into consideration. Good luck, sweetheart. You're Loved.

-Jo.

 

[Stacers823]

I've noticed that telling someone wasnt the best to do. Well first...She told her husband because he is my college leader and she thought that he should know what I am dealing with. Which I didnt like because now I get this feeling like everyone knows and they are staring at me trying to find the scars or to see if I have done it recently. Its none of there business I feel. Second...I am their babysitter for their 3 kids and all of a suden they have someone else watching them. I approached her about it. all she said is that she didnt want to be a burden on me and make things to stressful. I know she is just trying to help but why do they people trying to help you end up hurting you they most.

Then I have been thinking I have been helping out with the teens and pre-teens. What if they saw my marks. Am I the best role-model for them. I cant tell them honestly that I have stopped injuring myself. Isnt that basically telling people that it is okay to go do that themselves. Do any of you have opinions of leadership roles when you still SI?

 

[Bevlina]

Yes Stacers, I have an opinion on those who SI in leadership roles. You CAN do it. Your problem appears to be deep set Darling and you are a lovely young lady of 22 years of age. You life is ahead of you. So start to live now.
I don't think people are staring at you looking for scars. Why should they?
And, I think the babysitting may have been too much for you Pet, that's why they got someone else. To give you a break.
People understand more than you'll ever know if they are truly Christian. It's OK for us to tell you to hang in there, but, some things do hurt. Do you have friends you can talk to?