Seeing more and seeing less

[KeilCoppes]

"Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. "
- Rabbi Julins Gordon

I had a promising relationship with a godly Christian woman that ultimately ended - the challenge? I am a detail person in perspective, noticing everything. She is exactly the opposite, noticing only the high points. She was very self-conscious of what I might or might not be noticing. What she didn't know was that I saw her - what was behind her eyes.

And yet, she couldn't handle what details I might see in her.... just curious, perspectives?

 

[Princess Pea]

Hmmm ... I'm not exactly sure what you mean, but I'll take a stab at it ...

When you say you're a detail person and you saw what was behind her eyes, I'm guessing you mean you noticed some of her inner qualities - character, personality, values, feelings, etc. If this happened over the course of knowing her for a long time and in a variety of contexts, it makes sense, but if you simply went on a date or two and deduced her inner qualities from things she said or did on those dates, and she figured out you were doing this, she might have felt like you were jumping to conclusions about her - and maybe negative conclusions. Maybe she felt like you were judging her and concluding she wasn't good enough for you?

Or am I completely misinterpreting you? Sorry - I tend to project my own feelings sometimes. Without knowing the details, it's hard to say what might have been going on ...

 

[hischildsindik]

I know for me, I am probably hardest on myself, being my own worse critic, beating myself up when perhaps I shouldn't. Do I hold the same measure to someone else? No, I extend grace, however, I project at times what someone else sees, by what I see and know of myself.

Maybe because she saw her own flaws and the things she didn't like in herself, as a non-detail person, she was afraid of what you saw, being a detail person. And if she could so judge herself, how much more could you possibly judge (bad word really) her, being a detail person.

I'm not sure if what I'm saying is coming across well or making sense to you . I just know, that unless I give myself some slack, I feel like no one else does. She may just need to re-write, and let God teach her His truth. I know He's done amazing things in and through me on this very topic.

I agree with the quote you gave Keil. Love is not blind, it does see more. And as God's Word says, love covers a multitude of things (sin)... (paraphrase, not sure the exact address or wording). Love is like spackle... the stuff you use to fill in holes on walls... It sees the hole, the thing someone could be insecure about, it sees it as it really is, fills it and smooths it over. I know that's what God's love does for me, sometimes it's major reconstruction before it gets applied, but His love is abounding.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Maybe because she saw her own flaws and the things she didn't like in herself, as a non-detail person, she was afraid of what you saw, being a detail person. And if she could so judge herself, how much more could you possibly judge (bad word really) her, being a detail person.

Thanks, Cindi - Without extensive thought, I think that may well be the case and that is along the lines of what I was thinking back then. We did work through some major things in past and present, that would be the cause of fear and even terror down inside. We all have places where we are spackle and bondo, with the cracks and crevices being remade in God's image over time - but the prayer is that we grow in confidence because God's love is unchanging. Sometimes we have more fear of man then we do of God. And yet, how common is this feeling of deep-seated fear of how we are or have been? I know that some of my own concerns and failings come back from time to time, but each time they are less. Are people growing out of it, though? Are they truly letting it go, does it haunt them, or do they almost always cling to it?

Praying for spackle and bondo for His people. Keil (off to work - take care)

 

[TriptychR]

I know that some of my own concerns and failings come back from time to time, but each time they are less. Are people growing out of it, though? Are they truly letting it go, does it haunt them, or do they almost always cling to it?

When I broke up with my only girlfriend of six years, it hurt her badly. I was only 17 then, but for over two years that affected me. I didn't want to even try looking for a relationship because I felt I had failed--that I should have broken things a long time ago before her feelings deepened for me--and I didn't want to hurt anyone else. Of course, my natural longing for someone wasn't satiated by this, so I often felt lonely and depressed.

But even in what little deeper I've gone with God, it has helped heal that part of my life. He put friends into my life who've gone through similar troubles (or worse), but are now experiencing the joy of wonderful relationships. It gave me a kick in the butt, in a way, and showed me how I was using my past mistakes as an excuse rather than learning from them and moving on.

And to seal it all up, the girl whose heart I had broken long ago called me this summer. She's living in an apartment with a friend of mine and wanted to see me. I was worried, but I went anyway. I'm glad I did, because I met her new boyfriend (a good guy) and saw that she was happy. We acted like old friends, and that's all I could have asked for.

You can only hang on to your errors and shortcomings for so long until you begin to define your life with them. God knows what they are. Give them to Him and start anew.