I have been a little down the last couple of day trying to reconcile what I believe with what I know. It may sound funny, but when you are a believer, the circumstances of your life aren't supposed to matter. Faith is supposed to see with spiritual eyes. The trouble i'm having is seeing with those spiritual eyes. I keep recalling the story from the bible when Jesus came walking across the water and scared the diciples beyond belief. They assumed it was a ghost or an apperition, but Jesus called out to them "Courage, don't be afraid, it's me...!"
Matthew 14:24-32 "Meanwhile, the boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. At about four o'clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. They were scared out of their wits. "A ghost!" they said, crying out in terror. But Jesus was quick to comfort them. "Courage, it's me. Don't be afraid."
Peter, suddenly bold, said, "Master, if it's really you, call me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come ahead." Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, "Master, save me!" Jesus didn't hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, "Faint-heart, what got into you?" The two of them climbed into the boat, and the wind died down. The disciples in the boat, having watched the whole thing, worshiped Jesus, saying, "This is it! You are God's Son for sure!"
I sometimes feel like Peter in that story, gung-ho and ready to leap at any chance to serve him only to sink neck deep in the water when I try. I know what happened to Peter happens to all of us at sometime or another, but it doesn't make it any easier when it does happen. I can tell you it's no fun being neck deep in the water crying out to Jesus to lift us out because we took our eyes off of him. Maybe that's what I have done. I have taken my eyes off of him and sank.
But I also know that when I look back at my life, there has never been a time when Jesus has not reached down and pulled me back to safety. I think it's the circumstances that sometimes cloud our vision and I guess that is what happened to me.
My main concern is trying to refocus my eyes back on him and gain my footing again. Problem is, I know that I cannot pull myself out of that water, that is Jesus' job.
Speaking of pulling myself out of things, another problem I have is that like alot of men, I want to do something! I want to take charge right in and make things right. That "take charge" attitude is sometimes a serious hinderence to my christian walk. I want to sprint into things when God wants me to wait. I don't know about you, but waiting on God can be interminable. By that, I simple mean that it is downright frustrating. I pray, read my bible and see all of the great things that God uses people for and I want to be one of them. I want to be in the Hall of Faith like the hero's listed there!
Hebrews 11:32-38 "There are so many more--Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, the prophets. . . . Through acts of faith, they toppled kingdoms, made justice work, took the promises for themselves.
They were protected from lions, fires, and sword thrusts, turned disadvantage to advantage, won battles, routed alien armies. Women received their loved ones back from the dead.
There were those who, under torture, refused to give in and go free, preferring something better: resurrection. Others braved abuse and whips, and, yes, chains and dungeons.
We have stories of those who were stoned, sawed in two, murdered in cold blood; stories of vagrants wandering the earth in animal skins, homeless, friendless, powerless-- the world didn't deserve them!-making their way as best they could on the cruel edges of the world."
Those kind of things still happen today and I want to be there. But I know God has other plans for me, plans that I don't know anything about. It's just hard waiting on God to make those plans known. As christinas, we don't live on our schedule, we live on God's. That's that way it's supposed to be. We are to be obedient to him in everything, no matter what we want.
When I say everything, I mean everything. All of everything we are, everything we say and do, everything we make, everything we can become is dependant upon God. I have heard some say that every breath we take is due to God's grace, mercy and good measure. I have a tendancy to believe that.
Which brings me back to my problem, Seeing and knowing.
I know God loves me, wants the best for me, is protecting me, leading me, guiding my life, and in retrospect, has taken care of me all along.
I see circumstances. I see bills piling up, I see no money coming in from anywhere, I see myself standing still, not moving towards or away from God, I see worries, I see cares of this life. I see all these things which weigh in the scales and balances of my mind, offsetting all of the things God has promised. I am ashamed to say that it's almost like a saying that comes to mind from the a comic in the past which says, "but what have you done for me lately...?"
I am ashamed to admin that, but I am being honest in here and I find no reason to hold back now. Some may question my faith, and that's ok. I know where I stand with God and he knows where I stand.
The hard part is admitting that I am weak.
Yes, I am weak, and I hate being weak because I am not weak except where God is concerned. I am not weak in my faith, I am weak because I let the cares of my life take precidence in my life. I am weak because I let circumstance cloud my thoughts and judgements. I am weak because I allow my fears to run amok in the night. I sometimes find myself praying, asking for a sign, some divine signal that will let me know that I am where I am supposed to be, standing in God's will.
God doesn't work that way. He is not in the business of providing burning bushes when we are unsure. He is not able to believe for us. He is not able to control our decisions whether good or bad.
He is in the business of changing circumstance. He is in the business of taking care of his children, even when we don't see it. We have to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is more that willing and able to care for us.
John 10:11 "I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd puts the sheep before himself, sacrifices himself if necessary."
Did you read that... sacrifices himself if necessary. He has already done that for us and what would he not provide for us if he has given more than his own son!
Luke 11:10-12 "Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider?"
Psalm 37:25 "I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging for bread."
I can attest to this fact that this scripture works. At every turn, when I was in need, God provided. I can state this as a matter of fact. In the past 3 months, God has provided. The rent has been paid, the bills have been met and the food has been good.
Psalm 37:19 "They shall not be ashamed in the evil time, and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied."
So you see my dilemma... I have been provided for, and yet I still see and fear the unknown circumstances that lays ahead. I wish I had a concrete answer to pass along to you to help you strengthen your faith on this one, but I don't. All I can do is believe, have faith in and rely on my God and his strength to carry me through. Carry on and have faith, pray for me and i'll pray for you.
Mark 9:23-25 Jesus said, "If? There are no "ifs' among believers. Anything can happen." No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, "Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!
A final word:
Psalm 91
This and many other passages have helped me in times of trouble like this...
I am standing firm in His love and protection...
Love,
A Sheep in Wolves Clothing.
Matthew 14:24-32 "Meanwhile, the boat was far out to sea when the wind came up against them and they were battered by the waves. At about four o'clock in the morning, Jesus came toward them walking on the water. They were scared out of their wits. "A ghost!" they said, crying out in terror. But Jesus was quick to comfort them. "Courage, it's me. Don't be afraid."
Peter, suddenly bold, said, "Master, if it's really you, call me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come ahead." Jumping out of the boat, Peter walked on the water to Jesus. But when he looked down at the waves churning beneath his feet, he lost his nerve and started to sink. He cried, "Master, save me!" Jesus didn't hesitate. He reached down and grabbed his hand. Then he said, "Faint-heart, what got into you?" The two of them climbed into the boat, and the wind died down. The disciples in the boat, having watched the whole thing, worshiped Jesus, saying, "This is it! You are God's Son for sure!"
I sometimes feel like Peter in that story, gung-ho and ready to leap at any chance to serve him only to sink neck deep in the water when I try. I know what happened to Peter happens to all of us at sometime or another, but it doesn't make it any easier when it does happen. I can tell you it's no fun being neck deep in the water crying out to Jesus to lift us out because we took our eyes off of him. Maybe that's what I have done. I have taken my eyes off of him and sank.
But I also know that when I look back at my life, there has never been a time when Jesus has not reached down and pulled me back to safety. I think it's the circumstances that sometimes cloud our vision and I guess that is what happened to me.
My main concern is trying to refocus my eyes back on him and gain my footing again. Problem is, I know that I cannot pull myself out of that water, that is Jesus' job.
Speaking of pulling myself out of things, another problem I have is that like alot of men, I want to do something! I want to take charge right in and make things right. That "take charge" attitude is sometimes a serious hinderence to my christian walk. I want to sprint into things when God wants me to wait. I don't know about you, but waiting on God can be interminable. By that, I simple mean that it is downright frustrating. I pray, read my bible and see all of the great things that God uses people for and I want to be one of them. I want to be in the Hall of Faith like the hero's listed there!
Hebrews 11:32-38 "There are so many more--Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, the prophets. . . . Through acts of faith, they toppled kingdoms, made justice work, took the promises for themselves.
They were protected from lions, fires, and sword thrusts, turned disadvantage to advantage, won battles, routed alien armies. Women received their loved ones back from the dead.
There were those who, under torture, refused to give in and go free, preferring something better: resurrection. Others braved abuse and whips, and, yes, chains and dungeons.
We have stories of those who were stoned, sawed in two, murdered in cold blood; stories of vagrants wandering the earth in animal skins, homeless, friendless, powerless-- the world didn't deserve them!-making their way as best they could on the cruel edges of the world."
Those kind of things still happen today and I want to be there. But I know God has other plans for me, plans that I don't know anything about. It's just hard waiting on God to make those plans known. As christinas, we don't live on our schedule, we live on God's. That's that way it's supposed to be. We are to be obedient to him in everything, no matter what we want.
When I say everything, I mean everything. All of everything we are, everything we say and do, everything we make, everything we can become is dependant upon God. I have heard some say that every breath we take is due to God's grace, mercy and good measure. I have a tendancy to believe that.
Which brings me back to my problem, Seeing and knowing.
I know God loves me, wants the best for me, is protecting me, leading me, guiding my life, and in retrospect, has taken care of me all along.
I see circumstances. I see bills piling up, I see no money coming in from anywhere, I see myself standing still, not moving towards or away from God, I see worries, I see cares of this life. I see all these things which weigh in the scales and balances of my mind, offsetting all of the things God has promised. I am ashamed to say that it's almost like a saying that comes to mind from the a comic in the past which says, "but what have you done for me lately...?"
I am ashamed to admin that, but I am being honest in here and I find no reason to hold back now. Some may question my faith, and that's ok. I know where I stand with God and he knows where I stand.
The hard part is admitting that I am weak.
Yes, I am weak, and I hate being weak because I am not weak except where God is concerned. I am not weak in my faith, I am weak because I let the cares of my life take precidence in my life. I am weak because I let circumstance cloud my thoughts and judgements. I am weak because I allow my fears to run amok in the night. I sometimes find myself praying, asking for a sign, some divine signal that will let me know that I am where I am supposed to be, standing in God's will.
God doesn't work that way. He is not in the business of providing burning bushes when we are unsure. He is not able to believe for us. He is not able to control our decisions whether good or bad.
He is in the business of changing circumstance. He is in the business of taking care of his children, even when we don't see it. We have to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is more that willing and able to care for us.
John 10:11 "I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd puts the sheep before himself, sacrifices himself if necessary."
Did you read that... sacrifices himself if necessary. He has already done that for us and what would he not provide for us if he has given more than his own son!
Luke 11:10-12 "Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This is not a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your little boy asks for a serving of fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? If your little girl asks for an egg, do you trick her with a spider?"
Psalm 37:25 "I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging for bread."
I can attest to this fact that this scripture works. At every turn, when I was in need, God provided. I can state this as a matter of fact. In the past 3 months, God has provided. The rent has been paid, the bills have been met and the food has been good.
Psalm 37:19 "They shall not be ashamed in the evil time, and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied."
So you see my dilemma... I have been provided for, and yet I still see and fear the unknown circumstances that lays ahead. I wish I had a concrete answer to pass along to you to help you strengthen your faith on this one, but I don't. All I can do is believe, have faith in and rely on my God and his strength to carry me through. Carry on and have faith, pray for me and i'll pray for you.
Mark 9:23-25 Jesus said, "If? There are no "ifs' among believers. Anything can happen." No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the father cried, "Then I believe. Help me with my doubts!
A final word:
Psalm 91
This and many other passages have helped me in times of trouble like this...
I am standing firm in His love and protection...
Love,
A Sheep in Wolves Clothing.
.
