Second Wives Get Everything

[madison1101]

I was married to a man for 25 years. We were kids when we got married, and we had kids right away and then went to college. We were dirt poor and then got started on our careers. He left me 4 years ago, just as our kids were moving out. He remarried and now he takes her all over the world. We couldn't afford such travel when we were together. They live in a nice house and drive nice cars. I live in an apartment and drive a compact car. I can't afford such travel. I have no man in my life at this time.

Why is it that I obeyed God, and did what was right and prayed for reconciliation, while he left and committed adultery in sleeping with women before my divorce was over, he and his wife do not attend church, and he is living the good life, while I struggle? God seems to be giving the material blessings to someone who clearly does not deserve them.

I need prayer to get over my bitterness.

 

[Svt4Him]

God's pay day may not be every other Thursday, but rest assured it is a sure thing, and God will reward those who set their sights on heaven. I think trouble like that is a reminder that we are not from this world, and it's only a temporary home. Don't envy them, what does it profit a man to gain everything but lose his soul?

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My mother-in-law struggeld for years (even now) after her husband's death, yet he always had money. My wife suspects that he squirrelled away money while they were married and hid it through the divorce.

 

[Athene]

Not all the time, my mum was the second wife and his first wife lived the life of riley while we were living hand to mouth, she got a good job, lived with her parents and didn't have to pay rent or a mortgage or any utility bills. My dad also had kids with his first wife and he payed maintanence to her, in those days a fathers second family wasn't taken into account when they decided the amount of payments so a whopping chunk of my dads wage went to her and we had barely enough.

The irony is that she kicked my dad out of her house and instigated divorce.

 

[bliz]

Why is it that I obeyed God, and did what was right and prayed for reconciliation, while he left and committed adultery in sleeping with women before my divorce was over, he and his wife do not attend church, and he is living the good life, while I struggle? God seems to be giving the material blessings to someone who clearly does not deserve them.

I need prayer to get over my bitterness.

I encourage you to seek out some counseling to help you with your anger and bitterness toward your ex and toward God.

 

[madison1101]

I encourage you to seek out some counseling to help you with your anger and bitterness toward your ex and toward God.

I am in therapy at this time and I am in the process of working through this. I have no bitterness toward God. I just question His ways from time to time.

 

[heartnsoul]

May God heal your heart soon so you can be free from your emotional pain of the past. Praying for you.

 

[Avaya]

I was married to a man for 25 years. We were kids when we got married, and we had kids right away and then went to college. We were dirt poor and then got started on our careers. He left me 4 years ago, just as our kids were moving out. He remarried and now he takes her all over the world. We couldn't afford such travel when we were together. They live in a nice house and drive nice cars. I live in an apartment and drive a compact car. I can't afford such travel. I have no man in my life at this time.

Why is it that I obeyed God, and did what was right and prayed for reconciliation, while he left and committed adultery in sleeping with women before my divorce was over, he and his wife do not attend church, and he is living the good life, while I struggle? God seems to be giving the material blessings to someone who clearly does not deserve them.

I need prayer to get over my bitterness.

Well, I"m a second wife and I don't get everything! LOLLOL The ex calls the shots and I have to just live with it. But I wont be bitter! LOLLOL

As for your question about them seeming to get the material blessings when they don't deserve them. Consider this - material blessings may be all they'll ever have. You will have eternity with your Creator, with your Savior, with the Great I Am. How can you think you're getting the short end of the stick? They are living a materialistic life - and I promise you, people who do that are Miserable! They're doing it to fill up their God shaped void and if you know Beth Moore, you know that none of those things will ever fill them up. They are seeking what you already have and they wont find it where you say they are looking. As for your bitterness - I think that you will find it much easier to cope if you will commit to praying for them daily. Pray for them to find God, for them to understand your struggles (if you have minor children that you all make joint decisions for) and pray for your own sense of peace. Give them over to God.

 

[wannaberichr]

Well, my second wife does get more than my first, but that is because we both put into it. It has nothing to do with me alone.

 

[ribenaberry]

Why is it that I obeyed God, and did what was right and prayed for reconciliation, while he left and committed adultery in sleeping with women before my divorce was over, he and his wife do not attend church, and he is living the good life, while I struggle? God seems to be giving the material blessings to someone who clearly does not deserve them.

I need prayer to get over my bitterness.

I struggled with a lot of bitterness and anger when my husband and I first separated, and I didn't see why he should get what he wanted when I was the one going to church and asking God for guidance and I was left miserable. Try reading Psalm 73 - it helped me a lot with this kind of stuff.

Also try not to view your suffering as pointless. I know that can be really hard, but God has taught me so much and brought me so much closer to him through all the stuff I went through. When we lose the earthly stuff that we base our security on, we learn what it is to really depend on God, and when we can do that we find blessings that we couldn't even imagine without God.

PM me if there's anything I can do to help.

 

[hockeywifeca]

((((HUGS)))) I'm the second wife and I wouldn't say that we live all that well! Sorry your situation is so bad.

 

[c1ners]

I'm sorry you feel that your husbands second wife gets more. In my marriage it's just the other way around. My husband will drop everything for his first wife. He has two grown children with her, so that gives him the excuse to be able to call and talk to her. We spend every other Christmas with her and her family in TN. He buys her Christmas presents, sends her birthday cards, and probably even still calls her on their anniversarry. Sorry to rant. It's just that not all second wives get everything. Some of us are pretty lonely and sad.

 

[chrislife]

When two people divorce, usually one will have it better than the other afterwards. I don't think there's any predicting based on which is ex husband and which is ex wife... Often, it's merely a question of who is more materialistic.

After my divorce, my ex got a high-paying job (which he could do because he wasn't saddled with the kids from either his marriage to me or the marriage before it.) He bought an expensive new car, started wearing designer clothes, hanging out at expensive restaurants and bars, while I couldn't afford babysitting to volunteer once a week at my church.

But I'll tell you one thing: I wouldn't have traded places with him in a million years. I'm the one who had a clear conscience, and that's worth more than gold.

Now he's working on marriage number I dunno. I know he has women in other cities, and his marriage can't be that happy, even if he is financially blessed. I have finally remarried, and I had a lot of misery until then. Loneliness, financial hardship, etc... but it was worth waiting because I found a man who loves God and loves me, and I am happier now than I ever dreamed of being.

God has good things in store for you, Madison. But first, He is giving you the opportunity to see that money and goodies aren't what give happiness, it is a relationship with Him. When you do find the life He has waiting for you, you will find yourself the happy one. Not happy for things, but happy for the treasures that last.

---Christina

 

[hope4today]

When two people divorce, usually one will have it better than the other afterwards. I don't think there's any predicting based on which is ex husband and which is ex wife... Often, it's merely a question of who is more materialistic.

After my divorce, my ex got a high-paying job (which he could do because he wasn't saddled with the kids from either his marriage to me or the marriage before it.) He bought an expensive new car, started wearing designer clothes, hanging out at expensive restaurants and bars, while I couldn't afford babysitting to volunteer once a week at my church.

But I'll tell you one thing: I wouldn't have traded places with him in a million years. I'm the one who had a clear conscience, and that's worth more than gold.

Now he's working on marriage number I dunno. I know he has women in other cities, and his marriage can't be that happy, even if he is financially blessed. I have finally remarried, and I had a lot of misery until then. Loneliness, financial hardship, etc... but it was worth waiting because I found a man who loves God and loves me, and I am happier now than I ever dreamed of being.

God has good things in store for you, Madison. But first, He is giving you the opportunity to see that money and goodies aren't what give happiness, it is a relationship with Him. When you do find the life He has waiting for you, you will find yourself the happy one. Not happy for things, but happy for the treasures that last.

---Christina

Absolutely spot on Christina. Madison, they may seem to have it all but it is really worthless. The reality is that he is bankrupt. I understand your pain as I have a similar situation but I wouldn't trade my relationship with God for all the money and earthly frills they have. I admit that sometimes it is tempting to be jealous of it but what I have with Jesus is incomparable. Their life in reality is empty and eventually it will crumble around them, if not financially then certainly spiritually.
I pray that God will help you through this pain.

Bless you heaps

Hope

 

[madison1101]

Thanks everyone. I am still hurting this week, as our 30th wedding anniversary would be on Wednesday the 25th. Instead, he will be celebrating his 2nd wedding anniversary next month. BTW, he left me around Valentines Day five years ago. UGH

 

[~HopeFloats~]

I was married to a man for 25 years. We were kids when we got married, and we had kids right away and then went to college. We were dirt poor and then got started on our careers. He left me 4 years ago, just as our kids were moving out. He remarried and now he takes her all over the world. We couldn't afford such travel when we were together. They live in a nice house and drive nice cars. I live in an apartment and drive a compact car. I can't afford such travel. I have no man in my life at this time.

Why is it that I obeyed God, and did what was right and prayed for reconciliation, while he left and committed adultery in sleeping with women before my divorce was over, he and his wife do not attend church, and he is living the good life, while I struggle? God seems to be giving the material blessings to someone who clearly does not deserve them.

I need prayer to get over my bitterness.

I used to think the same thing and somedays I go back to these thoughts-- But you are way better off sweets--

You have Faith and Gods loveand there is more in that then there ever will be in earthly things..

 

[~HopeFloats~]

Thanks everyone. I am still hurting this week, as our 30th wedding anniversary would be on Wednesday the 25th. Instead, he will be celebrating his 2nd wedding anniversary next month. BTW, he left me around Valentines Day five years ago. UGH

Some great advice

Get yourself into the Word of God and sink your teeth into it for yourself. Let Him be your husband, as you are His bride. ex- husband and put it on your God, Jesus, the Husband who will never fail you and never leave you.

copied from another thread..

to you in this trying time

 

[madison1101]

Some great advice



copied from another thread..

to you in this trying time

Thanks. God blessed me with a terrific Bible Study on my wedding anniversary. I shared in the prayer time how I was sad, but I was striving to be the Bride of Christ, and let Him be my True Husband. God has given me such peace in this.

Madison

 

[alabaster jar]

I'm a second wife. It has been hard. How about praying for them as a couple to find more than just material happiness, but happiness that is more spiritual and everlasting? I don't think you have to envy a man who left you--sounds like it was his loss. Bless you, you sound like you have much more going for you than travel trips or new automobiles

 

[madison1101]

I'm a second wife. It has been hard. How about praying for them as a couple to find more than just material happiness, but happiness that is more spiritual and everlasting? I don't think you have to envy a man who left you--sounds like it was his loss. Bless you, you sound like you have much more going for you than travel trips or new automobiles

I have to confess that I cannot pray for them as a couple yet. She is not a believer, and he is. I am upset that my future grandchildren will have an unbelieving grandparent, albeit step-, in their lives. Both of these people left their first spouses. That is sin. Their marriage is adultery.