second opinion

[notworthknowing]

Hi everyone

Firstly, i'll share why I titled my thread, Second Opinion. I have alot of non-christian people influencing my and my daughters life at the moment, and whilst some of their advice and help is wonderful, I do crave christian opinions and advice and input. So in a sense, Im searching for a second opinion.

Now for the real topic of this post.

As some of you may have read in the Introduce Yourself thread, my name is Kaitie, Im from Australia and I have a 5 year old daughter, Madison (Maddie). I won't go into details, but the last 6 1/2 years have been horrible for myself, and for Maddie, and at the moment things are quite difficult to cope with. We are currently living in a shelter, while my ex-husband remains in our house. The house I worked for the deposit on, the house I made all the payments on. Don't get me wrong, the shelter is not a terribly bad place, the people are lovely, the property is nice, it's just not where I want to be.

Anyway, the real point of this post, is Maddie. She is only 5, yet lately she has been SI'ing. She probably has been doing it before now, in more subtle ways, but I guess I missed the signs. Last night I saw her do something I have never seen her do before. And it frightened me. She was SI'ing in her sleep. Im at a loss as to what to do here. I SI as well, but I have not done anything serious in over 3 months now. I'm devastated that I have let my daughter's life get this bad. I feel like I have failed her, like the worst mother in the world...

I'm sorry, I can't write anymore on this right now. I thought I was ok to talk about it but I guess I'm not.

Love,
Kaitie

 

[Bevlina]

Kaitie!!!

This must have come as a terrible shock to you! Can you tell me if she has lost someone she loves dearly in her life lately?
I am praying for you both Kaitie. And, as you have Maddie, you have every chance of getting your home back don't you?

Yes Kaitie! You are permitted to talk about it. It's just that your thread hadn't been validated.

 

[notworthknowing]

Hi

In a sense Maddie lost her father a few months ago. He's still alive and everything, but I took her away from him, from everything that was happening. She also lost a really good friend a few weeks ago, someone she loved dearly, we both did. That person is still around too, just isn't in our lives as much as we'd like and need.

Also, we have been through a court hearing this past week, and Maddie had to testify against her father. It also meant she had to relive every detail of the things she has been through.

She does see a child psychologist, and also the counsellors here talk to her alot. At the moment, she just doesnt seem to want to talk about any of it. Which I totally understand.

As for the house, when the divorce is finalised I'm hoping that I will come out with that. But since I added his name to the title, I'm not sure what the outcome will be. Negotiations for him to move out and let us have the house are not going as planned, and since the court hearing went in his favour, it will be us that looks for a new place to live until the divorce is finalised in December.

It's just hard, and I'm not sure what to do. Im not sure how my life came to this...

Love,
Kaitie

 

[TheMainException]

only 5? And she's SI'ing already? This is something I've never heard of before in my life....I'm so sorry for both of you and pray that God watches over you and your daughter.

 

[BlackRain]

you're in my prayers...and i think the Maddie is the cutest name!!

 

[Bevlina]

Hi

In a sense Maddie lost her father a few months ago. He's still alive and everything, but I took her away from him, from everything that was happening. She also lost a really good friend a few weeks ago, someone she loved dearly, we both did. That person is still around too, just isn't in our lives as much as we'd like and need.

Also, we have been through a court hearing this past week, and Maddie had to testify against her father. It also meant she had to relive every detail of the things she has been through.

She does see a child psychologist, and also the counsellors here talk to her alot. At the moment, she just doesnt seem to want to talk about any of it. Which I totally understand.

As for the house, when the divorce is finalised I'm hoping that I will come out with that. But since I added his name to the title, I'm not sure what the outcome will be. Negotiations for him to move out and let us have the house are not going as planned, and since the court hearing went in his favour, it will be us that looks for a new place to live until the divorce is finalised in December.

It's just hard, and I'm not sure what to do. Im not sure how my life came to this...

Love,
Kaitie

I guess hearing of a little one of 5 SI, is a big shock to we tenderhearted folk Kaitie.
It's not your fault. I believe she's missing her good friend she lost recently, and the fact that she recently had to attend court is not good for her.
Having to relive incidents she wants to forget is such a horrific experience for her. I think, she needed both you and her friend after having to go through that.
Once again we have the viscious cycle of trying to cause pain to deaden pain, but, in a little 5 year old, this is horrific.
I suggest you tell her stories of Jesus and how much He loves all the Children of The world. Show her beautiful pictures of Him, take her mind off things as completely as possible. As fully as possible, and, as she's going to sleep, gently stroke her forehead and softly sing her little hymns.
I also suggest you keep a bedside light on for her, just a pretty little soft light.
And beside it, place a photo of something she loves most in all the world.
I would also suggest you encourage her to take up a hobby. Collecting pretty leaves and pressing them in a cheep little presser is fun. Then, she can place these in a book.
Or perhaps, pretty tumbled stones. All of these things help to take her mind off the pressure.
God be with you Kaitie.
And a BIIIIIIIIG hug to Maddie!!

 

[goldenviolet]

i'm praying that she doesn't understand what she is doing. i'm betting she's picked it up and it can be unlearned. get a counselor involved. in domestic vilolence and and mental health issues, it can be all a matter of changing your life style away from these behaviors. according to a child phycology class i took (developmental phy) a child's behaviors are imprinted at this age.
from the san mateo battered woman's shelter (volunteer) i learned that mother's comming from an abusive relationship can greatly impact their kids, by how well they cope/bounce back.
you are in our prayers you are going through alot. you can get through this all. your life will be restored. surround yourselves with love and getting your peace in heart back. everything else will come together.

 

[notworthknowing]

Thankyou all for your encouragement and support. It means alot to me. I know we will get through all this, and I know God has a better life planned for us.

God Bless
Love,
Kaitie

 

[Cerulean_Butterfly]

only 5? And she's SI'ing already? This is something I've never heard of before in my life....I'm so sorry for both of you and pray that God watches over you and your daughter.

I second that^^.

She may not understand what she's doing is dangerous or harmful to herself. She probably doesn't understand what she's doing at all. Have you tried talking to her about it? Ask her why she's doing this. Ask her if she knows what it means. I'll be praying. Good luck hun.

-Jo.

 

[Bevlina]

We are praying Kaitie!

 

[goldenviolet]

katie battie bow taddie bo-banafana poo banna....
you really are such a sweet young lady!

lots of loves, prayers and blessings!! dee

 

[notworthknowing]

Thankyou for your prayers and support!

Love,
Kaitie

 

[Cat59]

Kaitie, there's such good advice in this thread, I don't have much else to offer but my prayers and hugs for you and Maddie!



Cat

 

[goldenviolet]

aawww

 

[Bevlina]

That is so beautiful dee, I know Kaitie will love to read that. And, that is what we are here, loving and caring friends who hold you all closely to our hearts.
We are also Prayer Warriors who will pray for you. Our hearts constantly lifting you up before our Father in Heaven. I am still praying for little Maddie. Please let us know how you are both going Katie?

 

[notworthknowing]

Well, today has been rather difficult. Madison had a really bad night last night, so neither of us have had much sleep. We were both struggling emotionally today. At one point Maddie actually told me she hated God, and hated me and wanted her daddy. That broke my heart. I know she didn't mean it, I know she just needed to vent and needed someone to aim that anger and frustration at. But to hear those words still really hurt.

Maddie was very jumpy and fearful today, she had a couple of unexplainable panic attacks, and was just generally apathetic and rebellious. I ended up getting her to talk to the counsellor, after which she was a little more peaceful. Then for the rest of the afternoon she wanted to be as close to me as possible. She is in bed now, and asleep, and I hope she manages to sleep through the night. We both really need the rest!

The atmosphere here at the moment is quite tense and there is a sense of uneasiness. I'm finding it hard to settle down and stop my mind from racing with 100 different thoughts and worries. This is also adding to my tiredness and emotional instability. I just feel really drained and slightly lost at the moment.

But there have also been some good things happening. I have made a couple of new friends, and I am so glad and grateful to God for bringing them into my life. I've been enjoying some interesting conversations on here, and have learnt a few new perspectives about God that I didn't know before.

So all in all Maddie and I are still battling along. Thankyou for your continued support and prayers. God bless you all!

Love,
Kaitie

 

[Bevlina]

Relax Kaitie, just relax in peace and quiet.
Maddie will have these attacks I would think as it's so soon after the Court Case. And, she is perhaps lashing out at the world and you are her nearest whipping post. God Bless the child.
I can imagine a sense of uneasiness there at present with all the problems you have had to face lately. Just take it one day at a time, and try to rest.
I am happy you have made friends here. I do hope you class me as one!

 

[notworthknowing]

Bev, I most certainly do consider you a good friend! You are so good to me, and I truly appreciate it.

Love,
Kaitie

 

[goldenviolet]

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Matthew 6:22
“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
because you have changed your invornment you will be blessed, your re-newing is already in the works .... kaitie you and your maddie are in the care of the Father. you are definantly in His will... and only blessings...
Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love love God to those who have been called according to his purpose.

I love you kaitie!! woohoo!! how much more does God love you!!

writing this i am reminded of several things for myself (currently). and looking back: as my kids and i came through struggles we began to understand that certain circumstances have certain conseqences. we struggled through the after math, and became very close for it. we can talk about anything. surround yourselves with God's people and lifestyles; the blessings just flow.

you are in loving hands !!!

 

[notworthknowing]

Dee

Those verses were for both of us, hey?! Thankyou for your support and encouragement and friendship Dee. You are a joy to talk with, and I love you dearly!

Love,
Kaitie