Season of singleness.

[blackribbon]

For many people, it is better to believe that God's plan does not involve a spouse and you just get on with your life. Why is it only trusting God to provide if you expect a significant other and not that you expect God to fulfill your life with Himself and a life of being not tied to another being.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

If people can trust God for practically everything in their lives as far as a job, house/apartment, car, and a whole list of other perks and necessities, then why not a spouse?

 

[bèlla]

Most people aren’t called to singleness. The challenges some face in finding a companion doesn’t alter the reality of His plan.

People marry everyday. Saved and unsaved. I don’t believe a defeatist attitude benefits anyone or will attract a suitor.

 

[Niels]

... marriage is not a right we are entitled to but a privilege we must earn.

While agree that marriage isn't a right, I disagree with the idea of it being an earned privilege. Too many stumble their way into marriage, making mistakes all along the way to the altar, and then continue to make a mess of things after they've tied the knot. If a particular level of personal development must be achieved before God grants us a spouse, I haven't seen it.

Although I think we should strive to become better versions of ourselves, bringing positive qualities to our relationships, meeting such standards in no way guarantees that we'll find a wife or a husband. It increases the odds that we'll have a good marriage should we happen to find someone compatible, but it doesn't bring that person into our life. Arguably, it helps us avoid wrong relationships, perhaps resulting in prolonged singleness.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

this needs to be broken down as I truly believe this type mentality is a big problem.

Too many stumble their way into marriage, making mistakes all along the way to the altar, and then continue to make a mess of things after they've tied the knot.

these are people who haven't done the work of personal development but say things like "it's not good for a man to be alone" and then go get into something they were never ready for. a fool and his wife will soon part too.

If a particular level of personal development must be achieved before God grants us a spouse, I haven't seen it.

here we see an example of what i'm talking about in over-spiritualizing things. it's not about God granting you a spouse. it's about God granting you the wisdom to choose well. even more, God granting you the wisdom to do what it takes to become the person that's a good choice. sometimes the LORD will plop something on us and other times the LORD will give us what we need to get it ourselves.

Although I think we should strive to become better versions of ourselves, bringing positive qualities to our relationships, meeting such standards in no way guarantees that we'll find a wife or a husband.

rather, and again, meeting such standards will give you the wisdom to choose well. we gotta get away from the idea that the LORD is gonna make something fall out of the sky for us. we, instead, need to use the tools the LORD has given us to make good decisions and do the right things.

It increases the odds that we'll have a good marriage should we happen to find someone compatible, but it doesn't bring that person into our life. Arguably, it might even help us avoid wrong relationships, perhaps resulting in prolonged singleness.

so we should get ourselves into relationships we're not ready for because we're just tired of being single? making life decisions out of desperation is never a good idea.

also, and again, you don't better yourself in order for the right person to appear. you better yourself so that you'll know what to look for and then go get it!

 

[blackribbon]

If people can trust God for practically everything in their lives as far as a job, house/apartment, car, and a whole list of other perks and necessities, then why not a spouse?

You can trust God to provide what you need. However, that may not be the mansion you want but rather a room in someone else's small apartment. They both meet the need of "shelter". You don't "need" perks and it is good and necessary to trust God, that also means trusting Him if His answer is "no, that is not something you need." You should be trusting God to provide a fulfilling life that serves Him,, with or without a spouse. Not everyone gets married or is even happy after they get married. You trust God to provide within HIS WILL, not your desires. That does not mean you can't ask for a spouse if you desire one but don't make it the end all of end alls.

 

[Sir Robbins]

You don't "need" perks and it is good and necessary to trust God, that also means trusting Him if His answer is "no, that is not something you need." You should be trusting God to provide a fulfilling life that serves Him,, with or without a spouse. Not everyone gets married or is even happy after they get married. You trust God to provide within HIS WILL, not your desires. That does not mean you can't ask for a spouse if you desire one but don't make it the end all of end alls.

This is so spot on. His will may not be for you to marry because maybe you don’t “need” a spouse or a spouse could lead you away from God and He doesn’t want that. He promises to fulfill our needs, not wants.

 

[blackribbon]

Most people aren’t called to singleness. The challenges some face in finding a companion doesn’t alter the reality of His plan.

People marry everyday. Saved and unsaved. I don’t believe a defeatist attitude benefits anyone or will attract a suitor.

What is the defeatist attitude? That some of us won't get married (or get married again)? I think the only defeat in marriage is a divorce. Not getting married isn't a defeat. Accepting the life you have and finding joy in it, even without a spouse, isn't a defeat. Being unmarried is not a bad thing. There is more freedom in being single and more room/time to serve God and others. While there is nothing wrong with desiring a spouse, there is something wrong with finding your life a failure if you don't ever get married.

 

[Sir Robbins]

While there is nothing wrong with desiring a spouse, there is something wrong with finding your life a failure if you don't ever get married.

There is a way to look at this where never marrying could be seen as a failure. Suppose you avoid marriage out of fear when you were designed for it. You suppress your drive and avoid the opposite gender. You are in a sense, hiding from your calling. People certainly do it. It could be seen as a failure in that regard

 

[blackribbon]

There is a way to look at this where never marrying could be seen as a failure. Suppose you avoid marriage out of fear when you were designed for it. You suppress your drive and avoid the opposite gender. You are in a sense, hiding from your calling. People certainly do it. It could be seen as a failure in that regard

Someone who avoids marriage out of fear is likely to avoid many other things because of the same fear. That is loss of potential, not failure. Most of us will never reach our full potential because of fears. However, a person who avoids marriage out of fear did not fail at marriage. They likely failed at building many relationships that could have improved their life, a marriage relationship would only be one kind. I don't think that not getting married can be a failing. Hiding from life can. Refusing to build relationships with those in your life can. But marriage or lack of it doesn't really change the world in any significant way. It only changes your small world.

 

[bèlla]

What is the defeatist attitude? That some of us won't get married (or get married again)?

No one knows what the future holds. Making assumptions is pointless. There’s always the unexpected. Until the Lord reveals otherwise. I’m the last person to propose what will never happen.

But I don’t believe in burying yourself in a room over the possibility you’ll never marry. Nor smothering your desire for a spouse because you’ve come up short.

Sometimes you need someone who believes in impossibilities when you can’t. That’s the difference between hope and despondency. Everyone needs a cheerleader.

 

[blackribbon]

But I don’t believe in burying yourself in a room over the possibility you’ll never marry. Nor smothering your desire for a spouse because you’ve come up short.

I don't believe in either of these either. I do believe in getting up and looking forward to what each day will bring and spending your time to improve your life and those around you. What I don't believe in is spending much time even thinking about dreaming about how your life would be improved with a spouse and potentially not making decisions because you are hoping a spouse will enter into the picture. (This is likely not how you, LaBella, see life but many do).

People miss out on so much because they are not willing to do life solo. Plan for a future alone. Leave the door for marriage unlocked with a welcome mat but don't hang around at home all the time "just in case" someone comes knocking today.

 

[bèlla]

I do believe in getting up and looking forward to what each day will bring and spending your time to improve your life and those around you.

I agree with that perspective. But grace me tells me something else. That’s easy for someone in my position. But for the next whose days are bleak and heavy laden that’s harder to do. Maybe their sanctification will include experiences which lead them to the same point.

What I don't believe in is spending much time even thinking about dreaming about how your life would be improved with a spouse and potentially not making decisions because you are hoping a spouse will enter into the picture. (This is likely not how you, LaBella, see life but many do).

God knows our heart and weaknesses. He uses many things to bring us closer to Him and heal our brokenness. I don’t think the scenario you shared is ideal. But that’s not my struggle. And maybe the things I wrestle with are non issues for someone else.

Wise words are wonderful. But there are things we must walk out in life no matter what. No one can save us from those lessons. They’re part of our refinement.

For some, this is their cross. The burden may result in lack or delay. Or a bit of both. I surrendered to marriage. I didn’t ask for it. But I agreed to follow Him and allow myself to be used for His kingdom. So here I am.

And for those who chose this road I offer encouragement and support. Because that isn’t plentiful. We’re apt to see the obstacles instead.

 

[blackribbon]

I am one of those whose next days are often bleak and heavy laden. I find it discouraging for people to encourage with false hopes that end in disappointment. It makes it feel like for some reason God doesn't love me as much and I don't deserve the things I see others getting when day after day I long for what I don't have. However, if I don't put my hopes in dreams that are not based in reality, and instead look for the blessings in the hardship, I do find God and His love. The happiness can come from a stubborn flower growing in my gutter (that I need figure out how to get out before the landlord drives by)...more than buying a pretty date outfit for a date that never comes.

I have always hated people who say "I am sure it will be okay" when they can't be sure of anything of the sorts. My husband's cancer "wasn't okay". Saying things like that just means you don't see me or my hardship. It feels like you are reassuring yourself so that you don't feel guilty when you remove yourself from the situation.

 

[blackribbon]

I had a doctor send me to a counselor for help in "coping skills". My therapist listened to my story and said I sounded like I was very resourceful and realistic in a very tough life. She didn't think I needed help in coping. Our plan is to find little ways to find joy in the difficulties and find "me" again. I am not exaggerating my life and I don't ask for pity. I am where God put me and it is exactly where He wants me to be for the time being.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

You can trust God to provide what you need. However, that may not be the mansion you want but rather a room in someone else's small apartment. They both meet the need of "shelter". You don't "need" perks and it is good and necessary to trust God, that also means trusting Him if His answer is "no, that is not something you need." You should be trusting God to provide a fulfilling life that serves Him,, with or without a spouse. Not everyone gets married or is even happy after they get married. You trust God to provide within HIS WILL, not your desires. That does not mean you can't ask for a spouse if you desire one but don't make it the end all of end alls.

At the risk of sounding pseudo-spiritual to a lot of people, I will say this: I don't believe God uses the word, "no" in his vocabulary a lot. However, this only applies to believers who walk in step with His Spirit continually. Look, I know the Word of God. And His promises are yes and amen in Christ. The scripture also gives the promise that if we abide in Him we can ask Him for whatever we want and it will be given to us. This isn't blab it grab it theology. To put it this way, if we're in deep communion with the Lord, the thought of asking anything against His will will not even cross our minds. This goes back to the promise that if we delight ourselves in Him then He will give us the desires of our hearts. For a small minority, this means they won't marry but will stay in that solo fellowship with God only. I know this type of faith will rub some folks wrong, but I would encourage them to really study the Word and pray about what I'm saying here. Alas, the biggest issues we face as followers of Jesus is not getting told no, but "wait". And I will be the first to admit, that's hard to do sometimes.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Two of the biggest mistakes Christians make today are having a small view of God and a minimalist attitude of what He can do for them if they totally give themselves over to Him.

My point is: 1.Worship God in the splendor of His holiness.
2. Dream big.

If all a person wants is to "get by and survive" then the Lord is more than capable of accommodating that sort of mindset. But Paul said, He is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, [according to the power that works in us].

 

[bèlla]

I find it discouraging for people to encourage with false hopes that end in disappointment.

I’m not referencing platitudes or cliches. I don’t think they inspire anyone. I share my hardships and how God met me in each and how I made to this point. But that isn’t randomly dispensed.

There are trials that I’m incapable of addressing and someone else is better. I know my limitations and I wouldn’t take anything on without His prodding.

 

[bèlla]

Two of the biggest mistakes Christians make today are having a small view of God and a minimalist attitude of what He can do for them if they totally give themselves over to Him.

I agree and oftentimes we’re thinking too small. I was contemplating New York for school and was content and He’s talking London and Paris instead.

I had to come up a little higher to see life from His vantage point. Both locations reflected the desires of my heart. My conception of possibilities expanded and I operate in that mindset constantly.

 

[Blessed Celibate Life]

I am in a season of building myself to be the best person I can possibly be for my Lord and Savior.