*scream* *t*

[shazabella]

i am just feeling so totally overwhelmed atm and i need to get this out so please bear with me.

I have been dealing with triggers from every angle and its just gotten 10 times worse.

I hurt my shoulder on friday and went and saw the doctor about it and he said that if the pain is still there that on friday he wants to give me a needle ... HUGE trigger because my perp was a) an insulin diabetic b) used it to silence me when he r***d me and i can't stand needles at all let alone anything near my neck which is a massive trigger spot.

A friend of mine was talking about needles and about how he didn't mind being jabbed with them by the dr when he went and got his travel needles and just wouldn't take the hint that it was bugging me at all. Until i had to say to him look this isn't a very safe convo for me to be having at all and then he gets cut at me for telling him to stop it.

I am so scared about having the needle on friday - it would be my first needle in over 2 yrs and i am petrified.

A movie i woke up in the middle of this afternoon really triggered me because it was about R*** as well and then i dozed back to sleep and i wake up to the oprah show showing the "Molested by a priest" show. Got to love my lil sis watching daytime TV.

and now i can't stop crying ... I am so emotionally and physically drained and i just need someone to hug me and tell me thats its all going to be ok... because atm I'm just so overwhelmed that i don't feel like it will be tonight

- Shaz

 

[Loopi]

If i could be there next to you now hun i would be giving you a BIG hug....i know a virtual hug means very little, but with the best intetions i shall give you one anyways

Am so sorry that all these triggers are happening at once, its a hard thing to deal with, i am going through the same at the moment, and my only refuge has been the on going distraction of being on sims...not the best idea but i need to get out of reality and forget myself. Keep holding on hun, things will get better.

Will be praying that you wont need the needle on friday.

It will all be ok hunny. It really will. Just keep trusting in god.

 

[luv4godremains]

aww, angel, I'm soo sorry you're going through this!I know this is hurting you loads! you know what, I made myself get over my fear, I'm suggesting yuo do this cos it's really painful and soo not a good idea, but I was afraid because when I was little, this was for like 2 years, starting from the age of 4, my Dad made me watch filmd of people being tortured, and I know it's really different, but ever since then, I was scared of needles, I just said to God, look, for me to go through with the dream you have put on my heart, and I know it's a few years untill I have to worry about nijections, but it's annoying me know, lease, just help me to get over my fear, help me to do this, and I sat there, putting needles in my arm, and I know it was ony God's strength that enabled me to do that. I was really scared, but God took away my fear from me.

I'll be praying for you! I hope this all goes well for you angel! I know this must be hard and I pray that you will be ok, and able to face the fears that are in you, that the Devil will have no hold over you with these fears!

let me know how it goes, k? God bless angel, it will be ok, and as I can't come down there and give youa big hug, I'll give you internet hugs!

 

[Yasha]

Dear sweet Shaz,

I am going to pray for you everytime I think of it for the next few days. Consider it a satelite dish pointing from me and Jesus to YOU dear sweet soul.

I love you for all the caring and sharing that you do around here. I wish to support you in prayer from the bottom of my heart.

The Lord hears you, He knows Your needs, He gently asks You to trust His wisdom in facing You with these triggers, allowing them into Your environment. He knows that Your need to lean on Him right now is urgent. He is reaching out His heart and bending to take your pain and carry it for you. He will rock you gently to sleep...may He send you a touch of perfect peace, every moment that you stir...be enveloped in His kindness and adequate arms.

sweet sweet dreams and perfect rest to you, dear heart. Love, Sha

 

[shazabella]

thankyou

- Shaz

 

[Theresasjourney]

sorry you are having a hard time...triggers are so very hard...do you have a T? It will get better...you and God together will get through this...k...imagine Him carrying you and holding you safely... He is with you always...
I'll be praying for you...

 

[Yasha]

Shaz, I am not sure when Friday is and ends in Australia, but I am praying for you, I didn't forget. Let me know how you are doing, 'k?

Love, Sha

 

[shazabella]

Shaz, I am not sure when Friday is and ends in Australia, but I am praying for you, I didn't forget. Let me know how you are doing, 'k?

Love, Sha

Hey Sha,

Its now 3pm on Friday and i avoided the needle - still in a bit of pain but nothing that can't be handled PRAISE GOD !!!!

I really should go pack

- Shaz