Schizoaffective Disorder

[UnderstandForgive]

Okay so I might not be cut out be a scientist, but i do know about something that I can report as a science. I can report my experience with schizoaffective disorder.

I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and I believe my doctor was correct with that diagnosis.

I took Risperdal 3mg for about a year (I think), and then lowered the dosage to 2mg. Also I have been taking Lithium Carbonate started with 900 Mg moved up to 1200 now twice a day (600 in the morning 600 at night).

So far I have been able to maintain a job for 2 years and have not required hospitalization.

What its like to have this condition.

1) I have a very poor concept of time. Like for instance, I do not know whether something that happened yesterday actually happened then or two weeks ago or even a month. I don't know right off the bat I have to think about it. For instance maybe the person was wearing a ridiculous sweater in my memory so it must have been the winter months.
2) Inability to plan. When I plan or commit to doing something, the next day when I go to do it, it feels compltely irrelevant. I have an aversion to planning as well, and when I do plan its not well thought out.
3)Comprehension. When I read something I constantly find myself zoning out and not processing the words on the page, I might read a page and be completely lost not knowing what it was about. Zoning out is so bad I might read something five or six times before I understand it.
4) Fixation when I have some idea I want to express, I fixate on it for hours, even while I work.
5) Mania, The feeling like I got to be someplace no matter where I am, like on my computer, or cook something. So its like I'll bring my laundry downstairs, then before I get to the laundry hamper I say "I'm going to cook eggs". Then while I'm cooking the eggs I'll be like "That will take a couple of minutes so I'll take the Laundry to the basement, And then I'll load the laundry and then see what's in my inbox, and before you know it my eggs are burnt.
6) Suicide Probably the single most thought about thing. I've thought about killing my self in pretty much every way imaginable. Reasons why killing myself is a good idea etc.
7) Strange thoughts. Sometimes I think about things that are crazy just to exercise that part of my brain. Thoughts like people with a certain colored shirt are on a team and they don't like people with blue shirts, like there's some game between them. Or thinking that the world might end because of my thoughts.
8)Listening to Music because I am trying to gather some hidden message- There is a very powerful feeling I get sometimes when I listen to music, like its speaking to me. For instance my girlfriend was being bad and then the song "Let her go" came on and I broke up with her because of it. (She did want me and we got back together pretty soon)
9)Disorganized thinking - This seems to only occur when I am either psychotic or on the verge of psychosis, people can't understand what I am saying. I believe I am making sense but they just don't get it.
10) Delusions of grandeur Thinking I am a genius beyond the intellect of Einstein.

 

[HitchSlap]

Why are you sharing this with us?

 

[Shemjaza]

Well done on getting the help you need and keeping your life in order with your illness.

 

[[serious]]

Okay so I might not be cut out be a scientist, but i do know about something that I can report as a science. I can report my experience with schizoaffective disorder.

I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and I believe my doctor was correct with that diagnosis.

I took Risperdal 3mg for about a year (I think), and then lowered the dosage to 2mg. Also I have been taking Lithium Carbonate started with 900 Mg moved up to 1200 now twice a day (600 in the morning 600 at night).

So far I have been able to maintain a job for 2 years and have not required hospitalization.

What its like to have this condition.

1) I have a very poor concept of time. Like for instance, I do not know whether something that happened yesterday actually happened then or two weeks ago or even a month. I don't know right off the bat I have to think about it. For instance maybe the person was wearing a ridiculous sweater in my memory so it must have been the winter months.
2) Inability to plan. When I plan or commit to doing something, the next day when I go to do it, it feels compltely irrelevant. I have an aversion to planning as well, and when I do plan its not well thought out.
3)Comprehension. When I read something I constantly find myself zoning out and not processing the words on the page, I might read a page and be completely lost not knowing what it was about. Zoning out is so bad I might read something five or six times before I understand it.
4) Fixation when I have some idea I want to express, I fixate on it for hours, even while I work.
5) Mania, The feeling like I got to be someplace no matter where I am, like on my computer, or cook something. So its like I'll bring my laundry downstairs, then before I get to the laundry hamper I say "I'm going to cook eggs". Then while I'm cooking the eggs I'll be like "That will take a couple of minutes so I'll take the Laundry to the basement, And then I'll load the laundry and then see what's in my inbox, and before you know it my eggs are burnt.
6) Suicide Probably the single most thought about thing. I've thought about killing my self in pretty much every way imaginable. Reasons why killing myself is a good idea etc.
7) Strange thoughts. Sometimes I think about things that are crazy just to exercise that part of my brain. Thoughts like people with a certain colored shirt are on a team and they don't like people with blue shirts, like there's some game between them. Or thinking that the world might end because of my thoughts.
8)Listening to Music because I am trying to gather some hidden message- There is a very powerful feeling I get sometimes when I listen to music, like its speaking to me. For instance my girlfriend was being bad and then the song "Let her go" came on and I broke up with her because of it. (She did want me and we got back together pretty soon)
9)Disorganized thinking - This seems to only occur when I am either psychotic or on the verge of psychosis, people can't understand what I am saying. I believe I am making sense but they just don't get it.
10) Delusions of grandeur Thinking I am a genius beyond the intellect of Einstein.

Thanks for the explanation of your experience with it. I'm glad that you've found a treatment regimen that seems to be working for you. I used to work in EMS and generally when we were in a situation dealing with something like that, it was a noncompliance issue. I can't tell you how many times I've been told that a patient is totally going to get released from a facility because they know how to act normal and they're going to start right now. When I first ran into that response, it seemed humorous to me (I know, not really a funny topic, but EMS tends to try and find humor where they can to help deal with the more troubling aspects of the job.) As I thought about it more, I started looking at it more as an indication of how they viewed their condition. They, in the moment, thought that they could simply fix the outward behaviors through shear force of will. They even could for a minute or two, but it is impossible to exert that much conscious control over your thoughts for any meaningful period of time.

But I do have a question for you. How do think people should approach interactions with you when you are having trouble with it to best help you? You said comprehension is an issue and you have to read stuff over and over. Does repetition help? Does anything help with the fixation on specific ideas?

 

[UnderstandForgive]

Why are you sharing this with us?

I was looking over my old 'scientific papers' that I had written, and I realized that most of it was unintelligible.

It's the only true scientific thing that I can report over the last four years. Everything else I've done come up with theories is not real science because it was all made up in my head. They are just scientific inquiries.

Also I know what its like to fool yourself so completely. Most people I think like to hide the fact that they have something like this, but it is significant. It doesn't mean everything I say has no validity. And I do have the belief that whatever I share will probably be met with a bias that will making convincing someone more difficult.

 

[UnderstandForgive]

Thanks for the explanation of your experience with it. I'm glad that you've found a treatment regimen that seems to be working for you. I used to work in EMS and generally when we were in a situation dealing with something like that, it was a noncompliance issue. I can't tell you how many times I've been told that a patient is totally going to get released from a facility because they know how to act normal and they're going to start right now. When I first ran into that response, it seemed humorous to me (I know, not really a funny topic, but EMS tends to try and find humor where they can to help deal with the more troubling aspects of the job.) As I thought about it more, I started looking at it more as an indication of how they viewed their condition. They, in the moment, thought that they could simply fix the outward behaviors through shear force of will. They even could for a minute or two, but it is impossible to exert that much conscious control over your thoughts for any meaningful period of time.

But I do have a question for you. How do think people should approach interactions with you when you are having trouble with it to best help you? You said comprehension is an issue and you have to read stuff over and over. Does repetition help? Does anything help with the fixation on specific ideas?

Everytime its different. It could be I felt sublime, like some sublime truth that I had discovered, and then it was no problem to take me. Another time when I was paranoid, I was too afraid to leave the house, In which case I suppose just let me be. There are people who have relatives with the disease, and those should be the people to take the mental patients in, because if you are unfamiliar with mental illness, most likely you will look at those people weird because you don't understand them. You might not realize it but you look as though you're a little repulsed and you will be less inclined to engage with the patient and make them trust you. You have to familiarize yourself with people in that condition, and you have to express genuine interest in them, in what they have to say, you have to be able to make sense of what their saying when its hard to understand.

A guy named Lieutenant Hanlan brought be in and to this day I am not sure if we are friends or not. (Probably not) but I was so sure we got along because he listened to what I had to say.

 

[Michael]

I was looking over my old 'scientific papers' that I had written, and I realized that most of it was unintelligible.

It's the only true scientific thing that I can report over the last four years. Everything else I've done come up with theories is not real science because it was all made up in my head. They are just scientific inquiries.

Also I know what its like to fool yourself so completely. Most people I think like to hide the fact that they have something like this, but it is significant. It doesn't mean everything I say has no validity. And I do have the belief that whatever I share will probably be met with a bias that will making convincing someone more difficult.

As someone who was born a 'Christian', and who's lived through about a nine year stint as an atheist, and eventually returned to theism, I can assure you that we've all been there in terms of 'fooling ourselves'. Everyone does it. We rationalize things in ways that are just 'goofy' at times.

Your difficulty with time seems "inconvenient", but like others that have responded to your post, I honor your courage, and the fact you've kept things under control for quite some time now. That's great.

The one thing I'd caution you about is that some of the mood swing aspects that you're experiencing/describing, as well as some focus issues, can and have been associated with antidepressants. Some people can have an almost opposite reaction to certain types of drugs, something on the order of 10 percent.

I personally think it's a good idea to remain open minded and a little bit skeptical to all ideas. I've learned to be comfortable with ambiguity and doubt over the course of my lifetime. It's a natural part of life IMO. We all deal with it, some better than others. I wouldn't worry too much about that.

 

[HitchSlap]

I was looking over my old 'scientific papers' that I had written, and I realized that most of it was unintelligible.

It's the only true scientific thing that I can report over the last four years. Everything else I've done come up with theories is not real science because it was all made up in my head. They are just scientific inquiries.

Also I know what its like to fool yourself so completely. Most people I think like to hide the fact that they have something like this, but it is significant. It doesn't mean everything I say has no validity. And I do have the belief that whatever I share will probably be met with a bias that will making convincing someone more difficult.

I respect and commend you on your honesty in sharing.