scared

picassoui · Sep 28, 2008

i thought something horrible about the Holy Ghost and im terrified that this time it was really my thought as in from my heart because right before it or what lead to it was antimosity towards a response i was expecting from someone about allowing the Holy Ghost to lead you so what im thinking is i was frustrated and it was out of that or mabe real antimosity towards the Holy Ghost that i thought it ...i know it was a sudden though ..but let me vent and say that i have gotten to the point where im just not sure what is from my heart and what is a product of ocd and the scary part is i cant know ..

im very afraid because what if i did say it in my mind intentionally ..or what if it was really from my heart am i damned ...?

Jayangel81 · Sep 28, 2008

When a person cares about someone or something does it come from the heart or just in your head??

Well look at it this way, when you come up with this stuff. ask yourself:

Do I care I said something bad about God?

I dont know about you but it seems like you care

picassoui · Sep 28, 2008

i fear that i have cut myself off from grace i fear that no matter what God will not forgive me ....that he can't forgive me because he said he would not if i have commited this sin..

even when i am not fearing ...i sometimes wish to know his grace i sometimes envy others ... i want to be loved by Jesus though im afraid he has said no i cant and its because you have done something so wicked that i cannot forgive you for ..

Yeshua'sdisciple · Sep 28, 2008

This is my first reply. I have been visiting the forum but just signed up today. I have been struggling with OCD since I was about 7 and I am now 29. I can totally relate to what you said about knowing what is from your heart and what is a product of the OCD. As many years as I have been struggling with this I still struggle with resolving in my mind what is me and what is the OCD. I can be presented with all the proof in the world and there is still that state of uncertainty, the "What if". God know's you inside and out. He knows you better than you know yourself, for you were in his thoughts before the world began. So in light of this, ask Him with a heart of gratitude to reveal to you what is truly from your heart and what is a product of the OCD. Listen to His still small voice and ask Him to reveal His character to you. Whenever I read the Word and don't understand why God has said something or a verse brings fear into my heart, I try to just reflect on God's character, who He truly is. I pray that you will meditate on His character tonight and experience who He truly is. For while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
May the peace of Christ dwell in your heart tonight.

Jayangel81 · Sep 28, 2008

i fear that i have cut myself off from grace i fear that no matter what God will not forgive me ....that he can't forgive me because he said he would not if i have commited this sin..

Did you read the blog in my profile about Gods grace? Read through it when you get a chance.

What sin exactly are you speaking of Do you know what God calls us in His Word?

we are the Beloved.

picassoui · Sep 28, 2008

Jayangel81 said:
Did you read the blog in my profile about Gods grace? Read through it when you get a chance.

What sin exactly are you speaking of Do you know what God calls us in His Word?

we are the Beloved.

i am refering to the unpardonable sin

but i will read youre blog and thanks again for that message

Jayangel81 · Sep 29, 2008

picassoui said:
i am refering to the unpardonable sin

I was wondering have you ever asked the Holy Spirit to teach you the meaning of this?

Im wondering if you know the true meaning or if your letting your OCD let you keep the uncertainty arouse as Yeshua'sdisciple mentioned about in the previous poster.

Reguardless, If you remember in the book of Matthew when Jesus was led to the desert for his 40 day fast. He was tempted by satan. But..satan used Gods Word against Jesus by twisting the true context of it. Of coarse he failed because Jesus knew the true context.

Thing is the enemy knows your weakness, he does and people who deny that does underestimate the spiritual realm.

What is your weakness through your OCD?

Well your uncertainty that arises from the OCD plus maybe (as im not sure you know the context) lack of Gods Word which I see many times over with all kinds of people.

So the enemy in truth will use this to try and keep you from believing in your salvation. He does it with a few verses in hebrews to so many other people. There are some verses that can become very unclear.

I say this brother because you need to know the contexts of Gods Word.

Speak to God about this, ask in Faith for the Holy Spirit to teach you such things about this. He will reveal the truth to you and the truth will set you free. It did for me and I know it can for you. But you must ask for knowledge and wisdom in Faith.

seajoy · Sep 29, 2008

Remember you have an illness, Andrew. I see only that you are a Christian in everything you say. Let it be enough that others know this for you right now.

You are sick. God loves you and holds you through this illness. You and Jesus are ok.

Ariel · Sep 29, 2008

picassoui said:
i thought something horrible about the Holy Ghost and im terrified that this time it was really my thought as in from my heart because right before it or what lead to it was antimosity towards a response i was expecting from someone about allowing the Holy Ghost to lead you so what im thinking is i was frustrated and it was out of that or mabe real antimosity towards the Holy Ghost that i thought it ...i know it was a sudden though ..but let me vent and say that i have gotten to the point where im just not sure what is from my heart and what is a product of ocd and the scary part is i cant know ..

im very afraid because what if i did say it in my mind intentionally ..or what if it was really from my heart am i damned ...?

Picassoui, I had a pastor who put it this way. If you are worried that you have committed the unpardonable sin, then you have NOT committed it.

You are saved. You have not lost your salvation, in fact you cannot lose your salvation. I have studied these passages. Believe me when I tell you that you are saved and cannot lose your salvation.

Be at peace, my brother.

kicker · Sep 29, 2008

Hey andy. Sorry your going through this stuff. I know exactly how you feel. This is my exact problem right now too. I can't seem to know if the feelings and thoughts I have are my own or not. I'm praying for you and hope you will do the same for me. I agree with a lot of what has been said so far. You can't lose your salvation but my concern is whether I was ever saved at all. Take care

James

Ariel · Sep 29, 2008

kicker said:
You can't lose your salvation but my concern is whether I was ever saved at all. Take care

Kicker, if you have ever asked Jesus Christ to come into your life and be your Lord and Savior, then you are saved. This is not a result of works, Eph. 2:8-9.

"Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved," Romans 10:13.

Yuki Usagi · Sep 29, 2008

picassoui said:
i fear that i have cut myself off from grace i fear that no matter what God will not forgive me ....that he can't forgive me because he said he would not if i have commited this sin..

even when i am not fearing ...i sometimes wish to know his grace i sometimes envy others ... i want to be loved by Jesus though im afraid he has said no i cant and its because you have done something so wicked that i cannot forgive you for ..

When you say things like this... you are saying your sin is more powerful than God. And that's quite simply, uncomplicatedly, not true. No sin is more powerful than God's love and ability and desire to forgive it. Not even "the unpardonable sin"... The only reason there is an unforgivable sin is because the person totally rejects God, completely and repeatedly for years and years and God knows this person really does not want to be with Him.

... because God is merciful and long suffering and gives everybody every chance to repent before they die. So, whatever is telling you this, is wrong. It's lying to you.

No sin is more powerful than, or above, God.

None.

gracealone · Sep 30, 2008

..but let me vent and say that i have gotten to the point where im just not sure what is from my heart and what is a product of ocd and the scary part is i cant know ..

im very afraid because what if i did say it in my mind intentionally ..or what if it was really from my heart am i damned ...?[/quote]

Hi Pic..
It's just exhausting, isn't it - and it makes us want to throw in the towel and give up in despair. But this is just that place in the road where the OCD has absolutely no control over us. It can haunt us, terrify us, make us feel overwhelmed etc. But it cannot ever rob us of our choice to follow Christ. It can never stop us from doing our very best to be obedient to Him - to serve Him with every fiber of our being. What I mean is that it cannot rob us of our ability to walk in faith. We cannot, we should not ever trust our emotions to define the faithfulness of God toward us. Instead we with OCD must at times walk in faith without a shred of emotional validation to bolster us in that effort.
That's what Bunyan did. He finally got to the point where just like you and I he said - "I can't know". Then accepting that uncertainty he moved forward and exercised his volitional will to choose to serve God anyway. He spent years wondering, just like you and me... "am I damned?". But all that intense concentration and exhausting mental warfare to attempt to get this question answered over and over only made him feel worse. So finally, he just let go, he quit fighting the war, quit demanding certainty/proof. He even considered the possibility that he could or might end up in hell after all. But he loved the Lord and so he resolved that he would serve and obey Him no matter how much or how often the disturbing thoughts assailed him. And God honored that choice by using him tremendously to reach many, many people with the Gospel of Christ. And God has also used him to encourage me and teach me how to overcome my own OCD through his example.
I had to get to that place too. I had to actually say. "Even if I end up in hell, even there I will still praise the name of Christ, because He is so worthy of that praise." I still get the accusations, the nagging doubts still creeps in...., "what if you're really not a Christian after all?" But I just look them straight in the eye and say "so what - I can and still will follow and obey my Lord no matter how scared you try and make me feel." Sometimes I start to ruminate about these things but I've learned that to do so only feeds the OCD and when I feed it, it grows really big and ugly.
I empathize with you. I know that the pain of this kind of OCD is so difficult to endure and for me has been the worst kind of suffering I've encountered thus far in my own life.

CS Lewis "Screwtape Letters"
"He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be decieved Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do God's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished,and asks why he has been forsaken and still obeys."

Stumbling on,
Mitzi

RachelZ · Oct 2, 2008

Hey Andrew, sorry I haven't been on much or had much chance to post but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're struggling. I really hope you are feeling better and that God is showing you the truth. Take care, Rachel

forgiveable · Oct 2, 2008

I just wanted to share this with ya'll if that is okay..
I have a friend that has been emailing me when I feel down. I thought I'd share it...
1. I already talked to you about the "pink elephant" affect with these thoughts, so you
know that the mind is a battlefield, and just because there is a thought or a concept
that comes to "mind" doesn't mean you agree with it when you think it or think of it.

2. You know God does not condemn us from a technicality in the scriptures. If He
did, Peter would be denied by Jesus at judgement day!! Why? Jesus said "Whoever
denies me before men, I will deny before my Father Who is in Heaven."Matthew 10:32.
Peter denied Jesus three times!!! Yet we know that Peter repented and became one
of the greatest of the Apostles. The scripture also tells us that "neither fornicators,
nor idolaters, nor adulterers will inherit the Kingdom of God" 1 Cor. 6:9. Read what
Paul says in verse 11 after that! "such were what were some of you" but you have been
justified in the Name of the Lord Jesus by the Holy Spirit of God. God doesn't
condemn "us" (His Own children) because of what Jesus said to the Pharisees. He
makes an eternal covenant with us, and God always keeps His side of the covenant
just like He did with Israel, even though both Israel and "us" prostitute ourselves to
this world. God is still Faithful to keep His side of the covenant.

3. We can pray to Jesus to pray for us. I often ask Jesus to just whisper it and
to help my unbelief. Ask Jesus to pray for you, to give you the faith you will need,
the rest of your life to no longer struggle with these thoughts. Remember the
man that cried for Jesus to *deliver* his son, "Lord I believe, but help my unbelief!"
Mark 9:24. This is what we need to do. You need to believe in full that the Precious
Blood of Jesus is a great enough of a Spiritual Detergent to wash you and to make
you as white as perfect white snow.

I would love to share more but this will suffice for now I hope that it helps as it has me..
thanks ~Brandi

Ariel · Oct 2, 2008

picassoui said:
..but let me vent and say that i have gotten to the point where im just not sure what is from my heart and what is a product of ocd and the scary part is i cant know ..

im very afraid because what if i did say it in my mind intentionally ..or what if it was really from my heart am i damned ...?

gracealone said:
Hi Pic..
It's just exhausting, isn't it - and it makes us want to throw in the towel and give up in despair. But this is just that place in the road where the OCD has absolutely no control over us. It can haunt us, terrify us, make us feel overwhelmed etc. But it cannot ever rob us of our choice to follow Christ. It can never stop us from doing our very best to be obedient to Him - to serve Him with every fiber of our being. What I mean is that it cannot rob us of our ability to walk in faith. We cannot, we should not ever trust our emotions to define the faithfulness of God toward us. Instead we with OCD must at times walk in faith without a shred of emotional validation to bolster us in that effort.
That's what Bunyan did. He finally got to the point where just like you and I he said - "I can't know". Then accepting that uncertainty he moved forward and exercised his volitional will to choose to serve God anyway. He spent years wondering, just like you and me... "am I damned?". But all that intense concentration and exhausting mental warfare to attempt to get this question answered over and over only made him feel worse. So finally, he just let go, he quit fighting the war, quit demanding certainty/proof. He even considered the possibility that he could or might end up in hell after all. But he loved the Lord and so he resolved that he would serve and obey Him no matter how much or how often the disturbing thoughts assailed him. And God honored that choice by using him tremendously to reach many, many people with the Gospel of Christ. And God has also used him to encourage me and teach me how to overcome my own OCD through his example.
I had to get to that place too. I had to actually say. "Even if I end up in hell, even there I will still praise the name of Christ, because He is so worthy of that praise." I still get the accusations, the nagging doubts still creeps in...., "what if you're really not a Christian after all?" But I just look them straight in the eye and say "so what - I can and still will follow and obey my Lord no matter how scared you try and make me feel." Sometimes I start to ruminate about these things but I've learned that to do so only feeds the OCD and when I feed it, it grows really big and ugly.
I empathize with you. I know that the pain of this kind of OCD is so difficult to endure and for me has been the worst kind of suffering I've encountered thus far in my own life.

CS Lewis "Screwtape Letters"
"He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be decieved Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do God's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished,and asks why he has been forsaken and still obeys."

Stumbling on,
Mitzi

Mitzi, you have touched my heart so much with this. Thank you so much.

Ariel · Oct 2, 2008

forgiveable said:
I just wanted to share this with ya'll if that is okay..
I have a friend that has been emailing me when I feel down. I thought I'd share it...
1. I already talked to you about the "pink elephant" affect with these thoughts, so you
know that the mind is a battlefield, and just because there is a thought or a concept
that comes to "mind" doesn't mean you agree with it when you think it or think of it.

2. You know God does not condemn us from a technicality in the scriptures. If He
did, Peter would be denied by Jesus at judgement day!! Why? Jesus said "Whoever
denies me before men, I will deny before my Father Who is in Heaven."Matthew 10:32.
Peter denied Jesus three times!!! Yet we know that Peter repented and became one
of the greatest of the Apostles. The scripture also tells us that "neither fornicators,
nor idolaters, nor adulterers will inherit the Kingdom of God" 1 Cor. 6:9. Read what
Paul says in verse 11 after that! "such were what were some of you" but you have been
justified in the Name of the Lord Jesus by the Holy Spirit of God. God doesn't
condemn "us" (His Own children) because of what Jesus said to the Pharisees. He
makes an eternal covenant with us, and God always keeps His side of the covenant
just like He did with Israel, even though both Israel and "us" prostitute ourselves to
this world. God is still Faithful to keep His side of the covenant.

3. We can pray to Jesus to pray for us. I often ask Jesus to just whisper it and
to help my unbelief. Ask Jesus to pray for you, to give you the faith you will need,
the rest of your life to no longer struggle with these thoughts. Remember the
man that cried for Jesus to *deliver* his son, "Lord I believe, but help my unbelief!"
Mark 9:24. This is what we need to do. You need to believe in full that the Precious
Blood of Jesus is a great enough of a Spiritual Detergent to wash you and to make
you as white as perfect white snow.

I would love to share more but this will suffice for now I hope that it helps as it has me..
thanks ~Brandi

Brandi, this is so helpful. Thank you, and please thank your friend, too.

I love coming to this forum because I see so many reaching out to others. You all bless me so much.

Thank you. Your love for each other and help in Christ is a testimony of the Lord in you. You love because He has loved you, that is so apparent.

Princess Of Yahweh · Oct 2, 2008

Picassoui, I had a pastor who put it this way. If you are worried that you have committed the unpardonable sin, then you have NOT committed it.

I had one who said the same thing too and I agree.
Will pray!!
God Bless

QUannie · Oct 2, 2008

andy and james,
i prayed for you both!
please hang in there not to feelings but to the truth of God's Word!
have either of you ever studied who you are in Christ? and james, if you asked jesus to be your Savior, He is, He does not lie and He says He will by no means turn anyone away who comes to Him!!! {can't find the scripture right now}
Love,
Q

forgiveable · Oct 2, 2008

Here is that scripture:
John 6:37 All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.
Another helpful scripture that comes to mind is :
For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
John 5:24 Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life

I hope this help I had to write John 5:24 on a piece of paper and keep it in my pocket and keep pulling it out and reading it.
Also a good study is
John 3:16
John 3:36
john 6:35-40
john 6:47
john 8:24
John 11:25=26
John 20:31
1cor 15:1-4
This is what Jesus has done for us speaks to those who believe in Him
Here are just afew for who you are in Christ :
Rom.5:1 I have been justified (completely forgiven and made righteous).
Rom. 6:1-6 I died with Christ and died to the power of sin’s rule on my life.[/font]
Rom. 8:1 I am free forever from condemnation.
1 Cor. 1:30 I have been put into Christ by God’s doing.
1 Cor. 2:12 I have received the Spirit of God into my life that I might know the things freely given to me by God
1 Cor. 2:16 I have been given the mind of Christ.
1 Cor. 6:19, 20 I have been bought with a price. I am not my own. I belong to God.
2 Cor. 1:21 I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God in Christ.
2 Cor. 5:14, 15 Since I have died, I no longer live for myself, but for Him (Christ).
2 Cor. 5:21 I have been made righteous.
You may have already been renewing your mind to these scriptures ..
Keep it up and

here is the last one that I love 2 Col 11-15
11 In Him you were also circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the sins[c] of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, 12 buried with Him in baptism, in which you also were raised with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead. 13 And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, 14 having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. 15 Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it.
I hope that these help I have been doing a lot of studying
Keep renewing your mind and remember who you are in Christ.
~Brandi

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