Scared want to be more compassionate

[gloriousday2006]

I am scared because I want to be more compassionate. Before this extreme OCD I could feel all of my emotions. In fact, I felt them so much I was having INTENSE panic attacks for a whole month and lost weight, etc. Then I had depersonalization. Now I feel like most of my emotions are covered up. I don't like this at all. It even feels like my voice is strange sometimes. I want to feel love and compassion like I used to. The OCD is still getting to me, and I was up most of the night with it. Please pray for me. I want to be filled with love and compassion. I want to serve Jesus. I want it to be his will and not my own. I am a very internal thinking person, and it is such a battle. I would love to hear from anyone who has made it through this. I don't like feeling like my emotions are covered up. Please pray that I have a soft, compassionate heart. Please pray for strength. Please pray I have wisdom. Please pray that I can serve Jesus.

 

[Tsquared]

I am scared because I want to be more compassionate. Before this extreme OCD I could feel all of my emotions. In fact, I felt them so much I was having INTENSE panic attacks for a whole month and lost weight, etc. Then I had depersonalization. Now I feel like most of my emotions are covered up. I don't like this at all. It even feels like my voice is strange sometimes. I want to feel love and compassion like I used to. The OCD is still getting to me, and I was up most of the night with it. Please pray for me. I want to be filled with love and compassion. I want to serve Jesus. I want it to be his will and not my own. I am a very internal thinking person, and it is such a battle. I would love to hear from anyone who has made it through this. I don't like feeling like my emotions are covered up. Please pray that I have a soft, compassionate heart. Please pray for strength. Please pray I have wisdom. Please pray that I can serve Jesus.

Praying for you and your situation. OCD is a plague that I have struggled with, but by the grace and mercy of God I am overcoming it. I find that the more I pray, listen to Christian music, and seek God...the better the day is. I also am trying to learn to leave my worries, doubts, and fears with God...he's already taken care of them and paid the price. Don't lose hope, God can help you through this and make you a better person after it is all said and done. If you have any questions or need to talk, feel free to message me. God bless.

 

[Symph]

Can you explain this "OCD" Is it something that developed because of something traumatic in your life? What exactly is it? Like are you scared of your emotions? Or is it more like a neurological loop where your mind just won't stop with habitual thought processes that don't allow you to reach your emotions?

First off there's no need to be afraid, you must remember, God sees you even when you don't see him. God knows you better than you know yourself, God is aware of exactly what is neurologically going on with you. You are in no danger, you are in the palm of God's hand, convincing yourself of this will be the first step in being able to think more logically about this.

My wife has Aspergers (mild autism) and it makes her brain very fatigued when she feels too much emotion, she can only feel emotions for so long before she taps out and shuts down. She is still a beloved child of God, and every little effort she makes in her own special way to be kind is valued by God and me, her husband. My wife often accidentally says inconsiderate things, but once again, I understand it's because she can't help it, and I know God does too.

You are no different, your desire to be better is what shows your devotion, so what is this OCD like?

 

[gloriousday2006]

Praying for you and your situation. OCD is a plague that I have struggled with, but by the grace and mercy of God I am overcoming it. I find that the more I pray, listen to Christian music, and seek God...the better the day is. I also am trying to learn to leave my worries, doubts, and fears with God...he's already taken care of them and paid the price. Don't lose hope, God can help you through this and make you a better person after it is all said and done. If you have any questions or need to talk, feel free to message me. God bless.

Thank you for your post. It is so encouraging to hear of people making it through this. I am dealing with religious OCD and it is an extreme challenge. I feel like I am in a constant war with my mind. The thoughts are my worst fears and are extremely challenging to deal with. I got to a point where I couldn't even identify with myself and felt like I was out of my body.

 

[gloriousday2006]

Can you explain this "OCD" Is it something that developed because of something traumatic in your life? What exactly is it? Like are you scared of your emotions? Or is it more like a neurological loop where your mind just won't stop with habitual thought processes that don't allow you to reach your emotions?

First off there's no need to be afraid, you must remember, God sees you even when you don't see him. God knows you better than you know yourself, God is aware of exactly what is neurologically going on with you. You are in no danger, you are in the palm of God's hand, convincing yourself of this will be the first step in being able to think more logically about this.

My wife has Aspergers (mild autism) and it makes her brain very fatigued when she feels too much emotion, she can only feel emotions for so long before she taps out and shuts down. She is still a beloved child of God, and every little effort she makes in her own special way to be kind is valued by God and me, her husband. My wife often accidentally says inconsiderate things, but once again, I understand it's because she can't help it, and I know God does too.

You are no different, your desire to be better is what shows your devotion, so what is this OCD like?

Thank you for your post. I appreciate so much the encouraging posts. I am typically an extremely emotional person, so this has been abnormal for me. I am really struggling, but I know the answer is to trust God with it.

It is religious OCD. It is a tiresome battle with intrusive thoughts. The thoughts are my worst fears and are extremely challenging to deal with. I got to a point where I couldn't even identify with myself and felt like I was out of my body. Then emotion numbing.

I truly want to serve God. I love Jesus, and know He is my Savior.

 

[Mari17]

Can you explain this "OCD" Is it something that developed because of something traumatic in your life? What exactly is it? Like are you scared of your emotions? Or is it more like a neurological loop where your mind just won't stop with habitual thought processes that don't allow you to reach your emotions?

First off there's no need to be afraid, you must remember, God sees you even when you don't see him. God knows you better than you know yourself, God is aware of exactly what is neurologically going on with you. You are in no danger, you are in the palm of God's hand, convincing yourself of this will be the first step in being able to think more logically about this.

My wife has Aspergers (mild autism) and it makes her brain very fatigued when she feels too much emotion, she can only feel emotions for so long before she taps out and shuts down. She is still a beloved child of God, and every little effort she makes in her own special way to be kind is valued by God and me, her husband. My wife often accidentally says inconsiderate things, but once again, I understand it's because she can't help it, and I know God does too.

You are no different, your desire to be better is what shows your devotion, so what is this OCD like?

OCD is a disorder of the brain in which sufferers lack serotonin which helps them process thoughts smoothly. So whereas a "normal" person might recognize a nonsensical or violent or graphic thought for what it is, a person with OCD will latch onto it. It's kind of like they have a faulty filter. For example, say a person is driving on the road and drives over a bump. They feel the bump and think, "What if that was a person?" A person without OCD would use logic and think, "Well, it's not likely there was a person in the road, and anyway it was such a small bump it couldn't have been a person." Then their mind moves on. A person with OCD will receive the thought, and will give it more weight than it deserves. They will feel the need for 100% certainty, and will latch onto the 0.000000001% chance that they DID drive over someone. Then their brain will be stricken with fear, and they will often feel like they need to perform a compulsion to relieve the anxiety. In a best case scenario they will probably worry about it for awhile; in the worst case scenario, they will actually drive back to the spot where they felt the bump to make sure a person isn't actually there. They may repeat this multiple times, because a person with OCD can never be sure enough, and the anxiety basically never goes away. It is an endless cycle of being afraid of something and performing an action (compulsion) to relieve the fear. The only way to stop the cycle is to refuse to do the compulsion - VERY hard for someone with OCD as their anxiety ratchets up to major levels but if they refuse to obey that fearful part of their brain for long enough, they actually are able to see more clearly again and accept that they don't have to have 100% certainty. Fear of driving over someone is actually a common OCD theme, but there are plenty more such as fear of germs, fear of committing violent acts, fear of losing one's salvation (for Christians), etc. Gloriousday2006 has also experienced depersonalization as part of her anxiety, which I personally never have but I understand some people do. OCD can be a debilitating disease mentally but the good news is that if one perseveres in refusing to listen to the fears, the brain can be retrained to think more lucidly.

 

[Mari17]

Gloriousday2006, I have a strong hope that your feelings will return to you. Remember, OCD wants you to be afraid of something - it doesn't care what - so if it can make you fearful that you don't have feelings, and keep you stuck in that fear, it will gleefully do a happy dance. I'm not an expert on depersonalization, but my advice to you would be to treat this as any other obsessive fear. After all, you can't do anything about your feelings. You can't force them to come. And the more you worry about it, the more you'll probably feel that you don't have feelings. In that case, focus on your actions. Tell the fearful/depersonalized part of your brain, "I can't change my feelings. I don't have control over that. BUT you can't let that stop me from living for God and others. No matter what I feel (or not), I CHOOSE to worship God and to serve others! I'm in charge of my actions, and I choose to live for God!" Remember, love and compassion are choices, not necessarily feelings. It's nice to have the feelings, but it's not necessary. And in fact, your only choice right now is to live without the feelings. Your only choice is to rest in God, and trust Him to restore your feelings in His timing. I have every confidence that He will, but you may have to first go through a period where you don't feel. Think of this time as a way to build faith and trust. Will you choose to live for God, to be thankful and to worship him and to act lovingly toward others, even if you don't have the feelings? If you can persevere through this trial, it will make you a stronger person - and I think your feelings will be waiting for you on the other side.

 

[Jessd77]

Hey have you gotten Better and did the numbness go away??

I am scared because I want to be more compassionate. Before this extreme OCD I could feel all of my emotions. In fact, I felt them so much I was having INTENSE panic attacks for a whole month and lost weight, etc. Then I had depersonalization. Now I feel like most of my emotions are covered up. I don't like this at all. It even feels like my voice is strange sometimes. I want to feel love and compassion like I used to. The OCD is still getting to me, and I was up most of the night with it. Please pray for me. I want to be filled with love and compassion. I want to serve Jesus. I want it to be his will and not my own. I am a very internal thinking person, and it is such a battle. I would love to hear from anyone who has made it through this. I don't like feeling like my emotions are covered up. Please pray that I have a soft, compassionate heart. Please pray for strength. Please pray I have wisdom. Please pray that I can serve Jesus.