Saying no yet again...

[GQ Chris]

So I meet this Woman Last Friday night, I spoke with her earlier during the week to tell her that I would call her this weekend to see about having dinner.. but I'm thinking that I probably won't call her back.

There is nothing wrong with her, she's an attractive woman, but I met her at a bar when I was with one of my guy friends and I asked her to dance, we spoke for a little bit and then I got her phone number, I hate to not call her back but I am pretty sure she is not a Believer so I figure I can't date her, that would be disobedience... I hate saying no to situations like this especially when I know that I should only date believers, but thats a difficult task because I love the church I go to but I don't want to make it a dating pool, because if it doesn't work out with someone, I have to see them every Sunday, and Wednesday night worship not to mention other days if there's an event.

This sucks that I have to take this route, I just got paid, that girl is probably expecting a call and I want to go out with her but I know that would be contrary to what I believe about God's word. I'm sort of a little angry about it to, that of course I should obey God's word and it seems like I can't pursue a woman at church because of what I mentioned. I'm a Man with these desires and I can't do anything about it, this is crap.

 

[JolieHeart]

Hello Chris *waves*

You, a Christian man, were in a bar. *Slaps her forehead dramatically* Egad, say it isn't so!!
And while you were there, you *gasp* talked to a woman. Chances are, the topic did not revolve around Christ. You feel that she is a non-Believer and I trust your judgement. But... You, a Christian, were there and there is a chance that she too might be a Christian. Would it be possible to call her, find out about her beliefs for certain? If she is not, then you could politely explain that you prefer to not date a nonBeliever. This could be a chance to witness.

Best wishes whatever you do

 

[GQ Chris]

Yes I was at a bar, I have friends who are Unbelievers, and I don't walk around in a bubble. I do not go to bars to pick up on women, but I have yet to even meet a Christian woman who is a dating prospect.

And I also Drink ***gasps***.. albeit moderately and I never have more than 2 drinks in one sitting.

 

[trulyliving]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm not meeting anyone either that's Christian. In fact I don't have many Christian friends, and knowing that it probably would be a headache to date someone who's not Christian, I just therefore don't meet any one.

Yes, there are the friends you see in church, but we all also have different personalities, and sometimes its just hard to meet a Christian with whom your personalities connect, and you have similar interests, and you get along, and you have similar mindset about whether you're gonna be legalistic about things, etc..... whether for friendship or potentially something more, it would be a miracle for me......

so yeah, i get what you're saying. i'm getting really sad about it. my not-so-christian friends are there for me more than my Christian friends... it's tough to figure out.

but if you date this woman, would she just be a temptation? i don't think there's anything wrong with drinking in moderation. i no longer go to bars myself, but i'm not saying its wrong -- it just has its consequences, you know? and just be prepared to deal with any complications that might arise and search within yourself if the consequences are really what you as a person want, that's all. i suggest walking through these type of situations with other Christian men.

be blessed!

 

[GQ Chris]

I'm not sweatin it...

 

[vic74]

Yes I was at a bar, I have friends who are Unbelievers, and I don't walk around in a bubble. I do not go to bars to pick up on women, but I have yet to even meet a Christian woman who is a dating prospect.

And I also Drink ***gasps***.. albeit moderately and I never have more than 2 drinks in one sitting.

so what if you did. It is not a sin to drink and be merry in moderation. It is not a sin to be in a bar. Most family resturants have bars in them anyways. You could have easily been sitting in a Fridays having a drink while waiting on you table.

 

[Cassie76]

Why not give her a call. If she isnt a believer, this might be what she needs, someone like you who has a strong faith. This might be in God's plan, for you to call her, tell her about your faith and what it means, who knows maybe she will turn to God. Give her a call.

 

[JPPT1974]

Well, even if people that we
Date aren't Christians, let us
Continue to pray for them regardless
As they need the Lord in their lives
Sure it may take time and patience but
Also stranger things but miracles have happened.

 

[GQ Chris]

Why not give her a call. If she isnt a believer, this might be what she needs, someone like you who has a strong faith. This might be in God's plan, for you to call her, tell her about your faith and what it means, who knows maybe she will turn to God. Give her a call.

I think I will, only just to simply tell her that I was busy, I don't want her to feel bad about herself, especially because she is an attractive woman.

 

[JPPT1974]

Yeah but sometimes, you have to refuse
Before you might regret!

 

[clycleader]

How do you know she's not a believer? When my husband met me, I was not attending church and did a lot of thigns I don't consider being involved in following Christ. Partially because of my husbands heart adn his words, I considered his point of view and he aided me in becoming "born again" and really being a Christ follower.
Judge not. I say, give her a call. At least be a man of your word. Who knows what could happen?

 

[JPPT1974]

How do you know she's not a believer? When my husband met me, I was not attending church and did a lot of thigns I don't consider being involved in following Christ. Partially because of my husbands heart adn his words, I considered his point of view and he aided me in becoming "born again" and really being a Christ follower.
Judge not. I say, give her a call. At least be a man of your word. Who knows what could happen?

Glad that you both found Christ my friend
As well as good way of putting not to judge others.

 

[MandM]

OP I think you should take a look at this:

http://www.fourspirituallaws.org/laws/english/flash/

 

[GQ Chris]

OP I think you should take a look at this:

http://www.fourspirituallaws.org/laws/english/flash/

I looked through all that, what was your point? I am not a new believer.

 

[micbmac]

just call her maybe you can turn her life around. and if you cant go out w/someone from church,where else? I think you are making things way more complicated than need be. call who you want, if it doesn't work out then that was God's will so what if you have to be a little "uncomfortable" sometimes. That's life. Live it.

 

[GQ Chris]

I don't think missionary dating works, and the last thing I need is to be alone with her, which I know is almost certain to happen if I go out with her, haven't spoken her in a while.

As for going out with someone at church, I haven't really chatted up any of the ladies, I am an usher at one of the services and it looks like they're quite a few single gals there but I am sort of keeping my distance right now.., I am in a happy place currently I don't yet know if I want the added stress of pursuing someone and all that goes with that.

 

[GQ Chris]

I been seein a gal in the service that I go to and she's with this guy all the time, but I don't know if it's her boyfriend or brother, I have never seen them kiss or anything.

 

[JPPT1974]

Maybe they just want to keep that private you know.

 

[sampa]

GQ Chris, I'm late jumping in this thread, but I'm hoping you had called her. I don't think it's bad to just call her and see where she stands about things. You never know.

I was so surprised when I went to a pub in Chicago, was with my sister (22yrs old) and the friends I met with left. We were sitting there by ourselves sisterly chatting. Three guys ,that were sitting in front of us, asked if they could join us. One from New Zeland, another Los Angelos and a grad student from Iowa. All staying a hostel for a Cubs game. The grad student and I hit it off well, I had never laughed so hard in my life. Somehow I found out towards the end that he's a Christian.

We completed each others sentence on something about others considering us religious, is was too errie. I questioned if he was truely Christian, but then thought, here I am too on a rare occassion and maybe him too. He walked me and my sister to the train station and lent me his jacket while the other men went looking for open bars, I'll never forget how much a gentleman he was. I never got an email from him. Didn't see a future, but it was a real eye opener that a Christian can even be in a pub.

Hope this helps some, even if you don't call this girl, I hope you'll keep some of your options open. Cuz it's just a date, not a date for marriage. I think you can learn some things from non-believers also in the dating experience. It's also your chance to let them know where you stand in your beliefs up front.

You just never know. An invitation to bible study for a girl I had taken a car trip with turned into her being one of the most active on campus in Campus Crusade. And 5 years later marrying a Godly man I knew from that group. You just never know........

 

[IcingontheCake]

Maybe she needs someone to talk to her about God. How do you know she doesn't?