Saying "I love you"

[Hidden in Christ]

OK, I know there will probably be many different views on this one, but I would like to hear them.

When does a couple truly love each other, and when should they verbalize that by saying “I love you”? Obviously there are different levels of affection and love—the couple that has dated for a year is closer than the couple that has been together three months, the engaged couple is even closer, and the married couple is the closest of all. So at what point does “true love” happen?

Personally, I believe that this is not until the couple has reached the point that they are willing to commit to spending the rest of their lives together, i.e. engagement. Is that to say that the dating couple does not have affection for one another? By no means. I believe love has its beginnings in the dating relationship, but has not had its perfect work until, without rushing anything, the couple has naturally grown so close that they realize they never want to be apart and that they must and shall not ever be apart.

I am friends with a couple who has been dating for nearly two years, but are not engaged. They say “I love you,” but my personal opinion is that they have confused “true love” with “very strong and deep affection.” I believe a couple can have so much affection for one another that it could be easy to make that confusion, and this increases as the couple gets to know each other better. I think it is more justifiable for a couple that has been together for a while to say “I love you” than the couple that has only been together a few months, but I still think engagement is the ideal time for this. Also, by doing this, the words “I love you” are reserved for someone very, very special to you. If a person dates two or three people before they meet their spouse, and says “I love you” to all of them, it’s not very special. It is rare for people to be engaged more than once before they meet their spouse.

So what does everyone think?

 

[katelyn]

I think it's best to wait to express love by saying "I love you."

The main reason for this is because when you are young and first starting in dating relationships, you are still trying to figure out what it's all about and how you "know" you love someone. It's very natural to wonder if the feelings you have are because you love the person. But when you are still figuring things out, it's very easy to mistake infatuation and emotions for true love.

So, even though it's natural to ponder whether or not you are in love, holding back on saying it until you know each other very well and are sure you would want to commit to spending a life with that person is a good idea. Saying "I love you" too soon opens too many doors of getting serious too fast, playing house, etc.

 

[LifeInYou]

Seriously, there should be a class that everyone should take....Love 101. The words "I love you" are used so nonchalantly......many people are misled as to what it means. (I'm still learning myself and because of this i am EXTREMELY cautious about whom I say them to)

Truly there are many different degrees of love.....I agree with Hidden IN Christ, an appropriate time to say them between a couple is when each person realizes they don't WANT to live without the other person. (They should be ABLE to live without the other person and if they cannot, I'm not convinced this is love)

The biggest issue I have with love is FINDING IT! no...jp........my issue is that I think you should be able to perceive that someone loves you (if they say they do) solely by their actions. In fact, it might be kind of neat if a couple never even said the actual words (just throwing an idea out there). Like maybe when they want to convey it to one another, one partner could simply grab the other partner's hand and kiss it. (This wouldn't be the ONLY action obviously that means "I love you"......I guess I just consider the words themselves to be so fragile.......they can inspire one to be the greatest, and when misused send another into an abyss of despair)....Anyways, another thing that comes to mind is the movie "The Princess Bride"....."As you wish"....I believe were the words.

 

[Brokenleaf]

There are two kinds of love

1) Conditional
2) Unconditional

Conditional love depends on how a person looks, what a person does, what they smell like etc. This love is not true love, because it is temporary and breakable.

Unconditional love is true love. It means that no matter what a person does, no matter how they act, you will still love them. It means that you genuinely care about their life more than your own.

If you unconditionally love someone, you would be willing to die for them.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

There is no set time when a person can say I love you. I'm in a relationship with my best friend. We would say "I love you" before we fell in love. It's hard to say when the "I love you"s changed from best friends to something more.

I agree that "I love you" doesn't have what it use to have. I've noticed myself that I say it a lot. So I'm trying to cut back on using it.

 

[desi]

Love is unconditional. It is a commitment you will not go back on no matter what happens. The best example I can think of is Robin Williams staying in his wife's Hell in that movie where he goes to heaven but leaves it to find his wife and she refuses to leave with him to Heaven so he stays with her in Hell. Then the ending got happy, but in that moment where he chooses Hell with her over Heaven without her love is illustrated in crystal clarity.

 

[LifeInYou]

Love is unconditional. It is a commitment you will not go back on no matter what happens. The best example I can think of is Robin Williams staying in his wife's Hell in that movie where he goes to heaven but leaves it to find his wife and she refuses to leave with him to Heaven so he stays with her in Hell. Then the ending got happy, but in that moment where he chooses Hell with her over Heaven without her love is illustrated in crystal clarity.

What Dreams May Come

 

[Warrior Poet]

"Ill build you a fire when the furnace breaks...I can be the man who grows old with you"
-Adam Sandler

I think that is one of the best sayings I have heard in a while. " I would rather spend my life in hell with you then be in heaven without you" WOW!!!.

I think first you have to take a long look at what love is. Those three words alone can make or break a person, its kinda sad that three words can mean so much to some, can mean so little to others. I think that "I love you" is a beautiful phrase, someting that seems to roll off the toungue, seem so natural when you are happy when things are going great, when God is smilling down on you and your partener. When things get rough, or when that three month bliss preiod is over it seems that this natural "love" has become work. That what you put in, or are not putting in, is what you are getting out of it. And now "Love" doesnt seem to be what we thought it was.

When you find a job(work) that you LOVE, its not really work anymore. I think the pharse "I love you" is treated like this. IF YOU HAVE RAN OUT OF WAYS TO SHOW THAT YOU LOVE SOMEONE(or think you do), THEN ITS TIME TO SAY IT. And say it again and again and again, it seems to become an apology, a way out, a crutch, a leg up, a guilt trip, and that is when love isnt what love is supposed to be. There is no RIGHT time to actually mouth the words, but there is something to be said when people look at you and yours and say..."they are so in love"....... yet those words have yet to leave their lips. When "I love you" seems to become the right thing to say, or you plan the perfect moment to say it, i would start to question the motivation or the reasoning behind it. I know that if i fall in love when I say it wont be planned, wont be rehearsed, but will be an accident, a slip of the tounge, in a moment that was meant to be filled with a laugh, or a smile, but cant be helpeed it just comes out, and it will not be said again due to routine, a goodbye off the phone, or as you walk out the door. It can be cheapened in that case. As is the case of many couples, it didnt or doesnt mean what it did when you were bestfriends,before you were labled as a couple.

Love, True Love is endurace. Its a choice. Its a bond. Its an action. Its a lifestyle. Its work.
I think this is the hard part though. Not saying it but meaning it. Actions speak louder then words. Love is not butterflies in your stomach, is not a tingly feeling you get, or a romantic notion of dying without that person. Its commitment, loyalty, work, choice, actions, conversations, laughs, cries, smiles, winks, footrubs, understanding, patience, endurance, keeping promises, hugs, squeezing of a hand, wiping of tears, listening with your heart not your ears, knowing without saying, giving up the last bite, dying to yourself, trust, and friendship. Its not words, its not kisses and its not sex.

Im scared of love for the reason that I dont think I am at the point in my life where I can fulfill all those things, but that fear allows me to know when I am ready to love someone fully, when that fear lifts and i cant stop it. When going to Target for toilet paper becomes something I look forward to doing cause i get to see my girl, when her smile lights up my life and her laugh springs a set of wings for another angel. Corney but true. Its an individual decision, each will approach and tackle it on their own time and when they are ready, just like God treats of us on an individual basis so should we treat the ones that we "love" or will "love".

Warrior Poet

 

[Christian4U]

i wish i knew when to say it too...my girlfirend and i have been together for awhile now but i don't even know what to say it..this is my second girlfriend in my 17 years of life...anyways...yea..i just wish i knew a lot of thigns though...

 

[GirlForChrist]

I think saying "I love You" is a sign of commitment.Weather in a friendship or courtship.......or marriage....

 

[oneiric]

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)

 

[GodBoy809]

heres how it is.

Philleo : Friendly/Brotherly Love. IE, that love that you have for your friends and family.

Eros : Sensual/Sexual Love. the Love you have towards something else, IE "I love Pizza" or the love from infatuation (i think)

Agape : Unconditional Love. IE God's Love, the Love we're suppose to have towards everyone. Also true love.

I'm sure i got those mixed up, or messed up what they mean, but i think i got it right, i'm sure Cheese can correct me.

Its my honest opinion that two people can be in "true" love at any stage in their after so long. For the most part, i say that infatuation only lasts so long, and when that starts to go away, if you havent developed some kind of strong bond with the person, then you will probably end when the infatuation goes away. Now, i don't know if the Love i have for kristi is true love. But i know its not infatuation, because we've hit massive walls and overcome them, and infatuation usually leaves once you hit the first wall. But i know that I Love her.

i strongly agree with Warrior Poet.

Love, True Love is endurace. Its a choice. Its a bond. Its an action. Its a lifestyle. Its work.
I think this is the hard part though. Not saying it but meaning it. Actions speak louder then words. Love is not butterflies in your stomach, is not a tingly feeling you get, or a romantic notion of dying without that person. Its commitment, loyalty, work, choice, actions, conversations, laughs, cries, smiles, winks, footrubs, understanding, patience, endurance, keeping promises, hugs, squeezing of a hand, wiping of tears, listening with your heart not your ears, knowing without saying, giving up the last bite, dying to yourself, trust, and friendship. Its not words, its not kisses and its not sex.

I know i'm young, but this is how i am with Kristi. Now i'm not saying that i know everything, and i'm not going to say that the Love i have for her is True Love, but it is to me an unconditional love, because i still feel connected to her even when the "butterflies" arent in my stomach.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Saying "I love you" is something that I am saving for engagement. I feel like people too easily throw that around, saying they love people they are not married to, and are not even certain of marrying. To me, that is not doing a good job of guarding your heart. I feel like it is awakening love before its time. I have been with my girlfriend for a year, in about three weeks. We feel very strongly for each other, but do not share beyond that. That is just how I do it. My warning is not to say something that serious too quickly. I will only say that phrase again to the woman I will marry.

 

[Buskanaka]

it depends on whether you actually mean it, if it's really the way i felt about someone I would try and tell them and show them as much as possible.How can saying "I love you" be a bad thing, unless you say it and then show the opposite by your actions

 

[oneiric]

I dont believe in saying I love you for only when you are married...but I don't think it should be thrown around like it means nothing.

Love is so much more than people see it nowadays.

 

[GodBoy809]

thats what i say. I do agree that the words are used way to loosely. But i still think thats its possible for a couple to be in Love before marriage and it be ok to tell each other that you love them.

 

[ceres]

There are two kinds of love

1) Conditional
2) Unconditional

Conditional love depends on how a person looks, what a person does, what they smell like etc. This love is not true love, because it is temporary and breakable.

Unconditional love is true love. It means that no matter what a person does, no matter how they act, you will still love them. It means that you genuinely care about their life more than your own.

If you unconditionally love someone, you would be willing to die for them.

Just in case you missed reality, the only "true love" is from God himself then. No human being on this earth is capable of unconditional love.

 

[oneiric]

I don't believe in unconditional love for the most part. If my husbands repeatedly cheats on me, lies, slanders, and abuses....then I will stop loving him. Same goes with love in most all relationships.

I'm thinking out loud. Who knows. Maybe I'll change my mind tomorrow.

 

[LifeInYou]

Just in case you missed reality, the only "true love" is from God himself then. No human being on this earth is capable of unconditional love.

I didn't sense brokenleaf missing reality. Rather there are simply two definitions put forth with no assertions that humans can actualize either one.

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

I believe that you can have unconditional love, but the problem is that you focus it on certain people rather then just everyone.

I unconditionally love my grandfather. He makes me extreamly angry sometimes, to the point I want to move. He use to make fun of me to the point where I cried. Even now I think he sometimes takes advantage of me. But I still love him unconditionally.

My mother, on the other hand, I don't.

My 4 best friends I love unconditionally, even though they've each said or done something pretty nasty.

Some people can love unconditionally, no matter what situations they're in, while others can't.