Mayzoo
Well-Known Member
That might be so. Do I take it then, that you never verbally "soften the blow" in the way you describe unpleasant events your child is afraid of enduring?
Oh, notch. For a split second there, I thought I read "add Scotch." That would be another way of approaching this, I suppose.
When it comes to the white lies that allow them to have many of the joyful experiences of youth, there's quite a big downside to depriving them of the fun of pretending and imagining. I'd even point out that it's scientifically proven that this kind of indulging in harmless fantasy, which is natural with the young, is intellectually stimulating to their mental development and therefore beneficial.
No, I do not soften the blow (lie) to my child about unpleasant events. As I stated, my child has special needs. She has already had more medical procedures than two dozen average adults will likely ever have in their entire lives. It is critical that she be able to trust me when I explain a procedure to her.
Despite popular belief, childhood is not all about endless fun. Childhood is about gaining skills to cope with adulthood. Learning to cope with unpleasantness is a critical part of childhood so they can become well adjusted adults. I see no reason to deny my child a well adjusted adulthood.
My child has an awesome imagination, and I join in pretend play all the time. Do I lie her about whether we are pretending or not? No. Why would I? At her behest, we pretend to fly, ride roller coasters, drive to places and engage in many fun activities with her stuffed friends. Do I ever tell her she can really fly, we are really driving a car while we are sitting on couch, or that we are really on a roller coaster while we are again sitting on the couch? No---again, why would I?
Pretend is pretend; lying is lying. One is initiated by the child, the other by the parent. As I said, I have told my child it is fun to pretend in Santa, and we watch movies involving Santa but I would have never told her he was real. When that lie is discovered, it naturally causes the child to doubt their parents integrity and future "truths" they are told, AND it shows the child that lying is perfectly acceptable behaviour--after all, mom and dad do it so it must be fine.
The most joyful experiences a child can have are based in trust and truth. They are more confident in their pretend, yet, they are very aware of the difference between pretend and reality. This creates an irreplaceable trust and confidence in both themselves and in their security with their parents as they mature.
I am not going to tell a parent not to raise their child with Santa. That is each parents choice. I am merely pointing out the many pitfalls of lying to their kids, and the pitfalls of denied sin. If a parent chooses to lie to their children that is their choice. They must understand they cannot lie to God through denial of their sin. Sin can be called many things....just good clean fun, white lies, etc......by all its popular names, it is still sin.
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