Sad

[Resnica]

I am extremely sad today it is taking everything in me not to cry while writing. My husband and I have been having alot of problems for the past couple of years but I love him so much and he cannot see that. on the 19th it was his birthday and I sent him a dedication on the radio and planned on having a nice relaxing evening at home cooked him his favourite meal and planned on spoiling him for the rest of the evening because he is extremely stressed at work. But instead he wanted to go and drink with the guys. After asking him to stay at home so we can celebrate his birthday as a family he became so depressed that he went to bed without eating. since then (2 days later) we haven't spoken to each other. Just sent me a email yesterday saying that my motives are self centered. For the past 4 years my children and I have not been allowed to celebrate his birthday with him because he wants to share it with his friends. And he calls me self centered. In his email he told me that his birthday was the most depressing birthday he ever had. I've signed us up for marriage counseling (although he always said he will never go) But I've come the point where I'm using everything available to salvage this marriage but he feels drinking eases everything. Sometimes I wonder is it worth it. My children are still very young and they already feel that their father prefers beer over them.

 

[Johnnz]

He may well be an alcoholic. Such behaviour is common for someone with that issue in their lives.

John
NZ

 

[mkgal1]

What John said is so true. Alchoholics have an uncanny way of making everything other peoples fault and constantly blame. I am so sorry you are going through this. I am afraid that anything I say right now will sound trite........
You sound so kind-hearted to try your hardest to make his birthday special.

 

[Resnica]

thank You guys for all your support I just hope that you will keep praying for us. I believe that he is a alcoholic but you know that they will never admit that they have a problem. I know God is calling him back but he is fighting so hard against it. Thank you once more for all the supportive words

 

[PREPCoach]

There are typically four different ways to handle conflict. It sounds like he is a withdrawer, that is common for men. He needs to learn how to communicate through the conflict and not to withdraw. This requires tools that do not come naturally. The speaker listener technique allows for couples to share the floor and both be understood. Do not give up on the marriage. If you acquire the tools for communication and conflict resolution, things will get better.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Its his birthday, maybe he should be allowed to choose how he spends it.

 

[etmama]

Try visiting family.org and troubledwith.com. There are lots of sources at these sites for families dealing with addiction and marriage issues. What he did was very insensitive.

 

[Kelly]

How often does he go out with his friends? Stop and think about how much time you had with your friends before career, marriage and children.

If he's seeing them every week, I think you are justified in your feelings. If he gets a 'guys night out' less than once a month, then I think you should plan your special evening (which is a really nice, sweet thing to plan, btw) for the weekend or day after his outing with his buds.

The way my life has gone, I've lost contact with all my guy friends (I don't blame all of this on my marriage, some of my friends were pretty immature, some were very atheist and hated me for becoming Christian, some moved away, others are busy with their families, etc) but lately I've felt REALLY bummed that I don't have a close male friend anymore. I was hoping to find a couple our age with kids our age to become friends with but that's just not happening.

I hope this made sense.