Sad but true

[rbs70]

Hi all
I've been posting in the general struggles forums for a long time when really I should be posting here. Anyway here is my problem, this is very hard for me to admit but bear with me,

I dont know how it got started but I started masterbaiting at a very young age I dont know if it was caused by my parents lack of physical love for me or not, it could have even been friends. I remember third grade doing it so its been a long time. Mom would punish me when I was caught. Any way I feel deep down inside of me that it is a sin because anyway you look at it you are still lusting after women and that is wrong. I know its wrong. I am a good person but I feel that all of my problems in my life are comming from the beast as I call it. I feel like a totally diffrent person when the beast has me. I have sat for hours watching my naighbor's wife hoping for a glimps of her changing. I have even stolen in the beast's name from her. I feel terrable about it, but cant even now say that if I had the chance to do it again I wouldnt do it. Like I said I loose all self control. I can feel God here in my life and I belive that Jesus is who he said he is, but the beast is too strong. I protect the beast very well with lies and what ever is needed.

I have tried everything I can think of but it always ends in the beast winning. I always start out with distroying my porn and after 1-3 days of misery I fall to the first or second test. I have turned to a friend who I thought was a Christain but he just thought it was funny. I talked to a pastor but he couldnt help. Its like dont do it, is the only reply I get. I have so many issues that have come out of this. So much depression and sadness. Yes I am still a virgin but have the looks not to be, if I can loose the wieght(I think I'm very fat but am told it doesnt show, I'm 295@ 6' but look like 240 very big build).

I have only had one girlfriend in my life and I put her up on a pedistal and she hurt me very badly. with every wakeing thought I think about not having one now ant the only thing I think keeping God from giveing her to me is the beast. I think all my problems are ment to get this from my life but I just cant do it. Satan keeps the thought in my head that what if there is nothing after this life and I am missing the fun things. I dont really belive him but it is enough the start me thinking and thats all is needed.

I have given in atleast once a day sometimes a lot more. And what started out as curiosity is now totally out of control(but I never really had it under control in the first place did I) and distroying my life. I want so bad to be rid of this but I want to keep my parents from knowing.

What can I do, I know the beast will win he always does, I have had no sexual contact with women at all they just dont see me like that. I think God has hardend their heart, most women I'm around end up saying him yes hes a nice boy just annoying, and thenit turns into anger and ends in a fight. I dont know what else it could be but God stopping it and this is the main problem God and I have with each other.

Anything you can say to try and help. I really feel like two people.

 

[Cristiano]

Hi all
I've been posting in the general struggles forums for a long time when really I should be posting here. Anyway here is my problem, this is very hard for me to admit but bear with me,

I dont know how it got started but I started masterbaiting at a very young age I dont know if it was caused by my parents lack of physical love for me or not, it could have even been friends. I remember third grade doing it so its been a long time. Mom would punish me when I was caught. Any way I feel deep down inside of me that it is a sin because anyway you look at it you are still lusting after women and that is wrong. I know its wrong. I am a good person but I feel that all of my problems in my life are comming from the beast as I call it. I feel like a totally diffrent person when the beast has me. I have sat for hours watching my naighbor's wife hoping for a glimps of her changing. I have even stolen in the beast's name from her. I feel terrable about it, but cant even now say that if I had the chance to do it again I wouldnt do it. Like I said I loose all self control. I can feel God here in my life and I belive that Jesus is who he said he is, but the beast is too strong. I protect the beast very well with lies and what ever is needed.

I have tried everything I can think of but it always ends in the beast winning. I always start out with distroying my porn and after 1-3 days of misery I fall to the first or second test. I have turned to a friend who I thought was a Christain but he just thought it was funny. I talked to a pastor but he couldnt help. Its like dont do it, is the only reply I get. I have so many issues that have come out of this. So much depression and sadness. Yes I am still a virgin but have the looks not to be, if I can loose the wieght(I think I'm very fat but am told it doesnt show, I'm 295@ 6' but look like 240 very big build).

I have only had one girlfriend in my life and I put her up on a pedistal and she hurt me very badly. with every wakeing thought I think about not having one now ant the only thing I think keeping God from giveing her to me is the beast. I think all my problems are ment to get this from my life but I just cant do it. Satan keeps the thought in my head that what if there is nothing after this life and I am missing the fun things. I dont really belive him but it is enough the start me thinking and thats all is needed.

I have given in atleast once a day sometimes a lot more. And what started out as curiosity is now totally out of control(but I never really had it under control in the first place did I) and distroying my life. I want so bad to be rid of this but I want to keep my parents from knowing.

What can I do, I know the beast will win he always does, I have had no sexual contact with women at all they just dont see me like that. I think God has hardend their heart, most women I'm around end up saying him yes hes a nice boy just annoying, and thenit turns into anger and ends in a fight. I dont know what else it could be but God stopping it and this is the main problem God and I have with each other.

Anything you can say to try and help. I really feel like two people.

Hey man, sounds to me like you are setting yourself up for failure. Your first step is to stop the porn addiction. I know it is hard because I struggle with it as well. The porn has to go. There is no question. It is a perversion of what sex is all about and leads to lust and temptation. I don't really have any sound advice about stopping the porn addiction other than occupying your time with something else. When we are bored or have too much time on our hands, we tend to sit down and "enjoy ourselves". My suggestion--and this is only my suggestion, I don't know what is right for you--is to limit yourself to masturbating only in the shower as a release. Train your body to not want the release associated with porn. Once you have a handle on that, then you can begin cutting down on your masturbation sessions, eventually to have dominion over it where you still do it but it doesn't have control of you or complete deliverance. Another suggestion is exercise. No matter how you slice it, you are overweight, and I am saying this in love brother--coming from me who has struggled with weight my whole life. I am not obese, just carry the extra 15 lbs, although I run and eat pretty well in moderation. Get exercising and listening to Christian tunes while you do it. You will feel better about yourself and you will be healthier and have less downtime. Get a hobby. Get into the word, prayer, and/or read books on spiritual guidance. Get out and be social. Porn and masturbation addicitons only tend to hinder sociability. The thing that I hate about it is when we can spend 2-3 hours looking at porn but can't sit down and read the Bible for 20 minutes. It's crazy isn't it??? Hope this helps.