When I hear or read the phrase "running away",I think how difficult could your life be to feel this need or desire to pick up your bags and say I'm done. There are times in my life I feel like I'm strong enough because I've stuck around through thick and thin but right now I don't feel strong. I understand that God has a purpose for me. I understand that He has a plan. His plan not mine. I have accepted this and have taught myself that during many of life's plot twists are just His way of saying this is not the road He wants me on. I'm coming to a point now that I just don't know how much more I can take.
My job had been going great, my boss and I had a respectful work relationship. But now plot twist, I'm being transferred or rather split in half with another boss. So now I have a challenge of working a job that should have 3people. I'm in school again after taking years off to get married and then divorced (plot twist). But now what I'm studying I don't know if I want to do it anymore. My grades have dropped, I'm not excited anymore. I wonder if I should find another degree or quit altogether. My health is good minus a health scare or two. I'm not a size 12 by any means but I try to be healthy. My family is disfunctional to say the least,but I would do almost anything for them.
And right now...All I want to do is run. To run someplace that is open and clear. Where its God's country. To be free of being afraid of my ex and his family. To be free that I don't have to feel like it's just me taking care of my parents when I have an older sister and brother-in-law that should be helping. But all I seem to get is this negativity. This your parents are screw-ups with their finances this is how you should fix it/them so what are you going to do about it.
Is it wrong that I'm almost preparing to leave? Is it wrong that for once I want to be selfish and say I need help, even though there isn't someone physically around that I can actually rely on? And I think if I left, what would happen? If I left, is this what God had in His plan for me, am I making it more difficult on myself? I don't know what I should be doing, I just don't want to be in control as much anymore.
My job had been going great, my boss and I had a respectful work relationship. But now plot twist, I'm being transferred or rather split in half with another boss. So now I have a challenge of working a job that should have 3people. I'm in school again after taking years off to get married and then divorced (plot twist). But now what I'm studying I don't know if I want to do it anymore. My grades have dropped, I'm not excited anymore. I wonder if I should find another degree or quit altogether. My health is good minus a health scare or two. I'm not a size 12 by any means but I try to be healthy. My family is disfunctional to say the least,but I would do almost anything for them.
And right now...All I want to do is run. To run someplace that is open and clear. Where its God's country. To be free of being afraid of my ex and his family. To be free that I don't have to feel like it's just me taking care of my parents when I have an older sister and brother-in-law that should be helping. But all I seem to get is this negativity. This your parents are screw-ups with their finances this is how you should fix it/them so what are you going to do about it.
Is it wrong that I'm almost preparing to leave? Is it wrong that for once I want to be selfish and say I need help, even though there isn't someone physically around that I can actually rely on? And I think if I left, what would happen? If I left, is this what God had in His plan for me, am I making it more difficult on myself? I don't know what I should be doing, I just don't want to be in control as much anymore.
