Ruminating Past truamas

[Heartofsilver]

Hello everyone,

I keep ruminating about a crisis that involved my abusive family that happened months ago while I was having psychiatric issues. A part of what my mind has me thinking about is how after I shouted empty threats to my dad while on the phone with my boyfriend who has mild Asperger's/anxiety and how he reacted. He told his parents and they no longer approved of us dating anymore. He tricked me by telling me that he was at my parent's house which I looked for him and he wasn't there. He called me back sometime later mocking me, telling me that I was faking being sick (it later turned out that I wasn't sick, but I have been having psychiatric issue that can make me feel physically sick sometimes, so no one understood what was happening to me including myself, which now I have a better idea.), and broke up with me. Then I hung up on him after telling him that how he is acting is very messed up. He called back sometime later he called back to apologize for how he was acting, but that he was legitimately breaking up with me. My mental state got worse and I delved down deeper into a depression. After getting away from my family physically, I called him and we were back together. I do now remember having a talk with him about everything after talking to his parent's which I regained their approval after they had me lie about my abusive parents in order to regain their approval. I remember apologizing to everyone about what I said and did to my parents while having psychiatric issues which I'm still trying to overcome daily. After a brief break up while still having severe issues months ago my boyfriend and I are still together and now we are going strong; though I still have these ruminating issues. I brought up the break up recently to my boyfriend which I had a few times. He had made up excuses, and this last time he denied that it ever happened. When I remember what him and my family did to me though it really hurts when really I need to be letting all of this go, while being as wise as a serpent and gracious as a dove towards them all. Also, I want to llove my family at a distance. My boyfriend has been helping me, my family, as well, but many times my family has shown me that I cannot trust them.

 

[Mari17]

Hello everyone,

I keep ruminating about a crisis that involved my abusive family that happened months ago while I was having psychiatric issues. A part of what my mind has me thinking about is how after I shouted empty threats to my dad while on the phone with my boyfriend who has mild Asperger's/anxiety and how he reacted. He told his parents and they no longer approved of us dating anymore. He tricked me by telling me that he was at my parent's house which I looked for him and he wasn't there. He called me back sometime later mocking me, telling me that I was faking being sick (it later turned out that I wasn't sick, but I have been having psychiatric issue that can make me feel physically sick sometimes, so no one understood what was happening to me including myself, which now I have a better idea.), and broke up with me. Then I hung up on him after telling him that how he is acting is very messed up. He called back sometime later he called back to apologize for how he was acting, but that he was legitimately breaking up with me. My mental state got worse and I delved down deeper into a depression. After getting away from my family physically, I called him and we were back together. I do now remember having a talk with him about everything after talking to his parent's which I regained their approval after they had me lie about my abusive parents in order to regain their approval. I remember apologizing to everyone about what I said and did to my parents while having psychiatric issues which I'm still trying to overcome daily. After a brief break up while still having severe issues months ago my boyfriend and I are still together and now we are going strong; though I still have these ruminating issues. I brought up the break up recently to my boyfriend which I had a few times. He had made up excuses, and this last time he denied that it ever happened. When I remember what him and my family did to me though it really hurts when really I need to be letting all of this go, while being as wise as a serpent and gracious as a dove towards them all. Also, I want to llove my family at a distance. My boyfriend has been helping me, my family, as well, but many times my family has shown me that I cannot trust them.

Do you have a therapist or someone trustworthy whom you can ask for advice? Sometimes it can be hard to weed out what is healthy and what is unhealthy in relationships, but you definitely don't want to be stuck in a bad relationship. It sounds like you have a lot of things to deal with and try to process, and it would be good to learn healthy ways to process these things so that you can move on in a positive way. It's also good to have someone who can give you an outside perspective and help steer you away from relationships, whether family or romantic, that may not be good for you. We do need to forgive, but that doesn't mean that we continue to put up with toxic relationships in which people abuse us, take advantage of us, or are dishonest with us.