Rude statements

Tea · Sep 7, 2007

At 43 I have just had, after a 12 year break our eighth child. Just recent a gentleman that I have know through business for quite some time said to me, had I worked out yet what was causing it yet!! Even though I have had similar comments for years, it really caught me off guard that this person said such.
I have come to the place that when people say hurtfull, nasty and spiteful comments, that I feel sorry for them that not only do they have just a mean disposition, but how sad that they also have no control over their tongue either. I often wonder if they put their brain into gear, before speaking.
Tracey

NoraLeigh · Sep 7, 2007

Sabertooth said:
Been there.

It's worse when your otherwise "good" church feels they need to correct you in this manner.

Oh, that's horrible. I've been blessed in that my church family has only good things to say so far.

sparassidae · Sep 9, 2007

Mickeyk72 said:
I realize that this doesn't really help with your neighbors but maybe you could send something at Christmas to all the neighbors about your family- with a cute picture of your daughters... let them get to know you from a distance. Maybe they'll see that you are a nice family and won't be so rude next time. You could always come back at them with a comment like - "Oh we're just getting our family started - we plan to have many, many more babies before we're done. That's why we started so young." Bet that would make the jaws drop.

Hmm, I think I might play devil's advocate here and issue a warning. These neighbours (at least the one who made that classic comment) sound like rabid childfree. (Not the nice folks we have here at CF) In my odd moments I like to lurk on childfree forums (a real eye opener, what they say about "us"). Here are some examples:

I have always felt pretty lucky when I read the rants about everyone else's breeder neighbors. Now it's happened to me...
But now, I have what looks like the typical breeders from hell renting next door. They have been there a month and already the yard and porch look like a kinder [Staff Edit] yard sale.

Sadly, it's getting to the point where there isn't a [Staff Edit] place that a peace and quiet-loving adult can go anymore without being subjected to hordes of squalling larvae [Staff Edit].

My weekend sleep ins are sacred. Were I to get awaken from the breeder's offspring's yelling in their backyard about 20m from my bedroom window, I'd have no second thought about going into a killing spree.

(I know they're breeders because of all the bright colored plastic [Staff Edit] strewn all over their place, and there are at least three kids of which one is a toddler of barely 3yo (oops, I meant sumfing between 24 to 36 months )).

I'd be put in jail of course, but at least there are no screaming kids there.

Profanity removed, sorry if anyone is offended by the language

So I think there might be a real sense of "I paid good money to buy into this exclusive community and I don't want to be bothered by children"

Writing a note with a "cute" picture of your daughters may very well be seen as [Staff Edit] (their words, not mine ) , like "hey everyone, you must adore my children" Again, this is not the way I see it, but how some childfree people would see it.

I hope I'm wrong, and they can get to know and like you.

I just thought I'd put this out there........

Sabertooth · Sep 9, 2007

These people are claiming to be Christian and using G.D. without any second thought...

Still trying to figure out what a s-sack is...

It's probably a good thing that those kind of people don't "breed."

jgonz · Sep 9, 2007

I've always been shocked at how many people have no filter on their mouths when it comes to pregnancy and the number of children someone else has.

I get asked ALL the time when I'm having another one. I mean really. It's no one's business but mine. I usually answer, "well, that's up to G-d" <smile> If you throw G-d in there, most people don't know what to say.

I've gotten the tv comment, from really nice people, who actually think it's funny. (*rolleyes*) I usually say, "of course we have a tv. But what does a tv have to do with sex?"

Another comment I get pretty often: Don't you know what causes that? Answer: "Yes! We do! and obviously we like it!" or "No, what?"

I used to have a site bookmarked with all sorts of comments and responses, but I can't find it now. That would have been good to read those.

Leanna · Sep 9, 2007

I think its sad too, that people have so many mean things to say..... I can't imagine how anyone living across the street would experience a lot of crying.... maybe both them and you have windows open? Otherwise I don't see how its possible, no one can hear it when my children are loud unless we are outside...

Adela · Sep 9, 2007

Has anyone else noticed how often so many childfree people talk about children? You would think they wouldn't let kids occupy so much of their thinking.

sparassidae · Sep 9, 2007

Sabertooth said:
These people are claiming to be Christian and using G.D. without any second thought...

Still trying to figure out what a s-sack is...

It's probably a good thing that those kind of people don't "breed."

No, these are definitely not Christians, and never claim to be. This was not from the childfree section of Foru.ms, but from elsewhere, where the childfree are much much more hateful to all children.

And s-sack could otherwise be called excrement-sack

I wanted to remove the worst of the language so as not to offend people too much.

Not all childfree are like this! From the comment the OP got at that homeowners meeting I suspect the woman she encountered was more of this variety.

Leanna · Sep 9, 2007

Adela said:
Has anyone else noticed how often so many childfree people talk about children? You would think they wouldn't let kids occupy so much of their thinking.

I agree 120%. I don't get that either.

IamProLife · Sep 10, 2007

I also agree with that comment.

CrystalBrooke · Oct 9, 2007

People are mean and stupid..that's about all there is to it hun. Sorry you've gotten such rude comments

KristiLee · Oct 10, 2007

NoraLeigh said:
Has anyone recently encountered rude, hurtful statements for being quiverfull?

Often people seem to speak before they think. Two times this week people have openly made assumptions about me. Just tonight at church there was a visiting family. They were probably in their late 30s and they had two kids. Evie was in my arms and Ida was holding my hand when I went up to introduce myself. The lady asked, "Hon, how old are you?" When I told her that I'm 20, she looked at the girls for a long time, and then said, "Well I'm proud of you for deciding to get married and make a family after a mistake."

Excuse me? I was married at 18 and had Ida TEN months later. I was not pregnant (nor was I sexually active) before I married Zeke. Granted, I am young to have two kids... but I'm just so shocked that someone would make such an assumption- as if it was her business anyway.

On Monday we were at a homeowner's meeting. We live in an "upscale" type neighborhood (only by God's grace and the great generosity of others). Our neighbors have never been overly fond of us. The youngest couple besides us are in their late 50s and "can hear the babies crying across the street all the time" (guess what? babies cry.) Anyway, when asked when we would finish up our landscaping, my husband answered, "I'll get to it as fast as I can. Hopefully have it all finished by the end of the month." One of the other men chimed in, somewhat jokingly, "Why doesn't your wife do it? She's home all day." I am, in fact, a stay at home mom to a 2 year old and a new born. And I've also been doing some straightening of the yard in my spare time. So I answered, "Yes I'm home. But the girls keep me pretty busy." Our lovely neighbor from across the street (the same ones who hear babies crying...) said, "I don't have any pity. Ever heard of birth control?"

I just sat there. It disgusted me. They would rather me have prevented my beautiful little girls from being born than to be bothered with crying, and that our yard is taking a while to landscape? It was so hurtful. But I do know their opinion doesn't matter.

Sorry for the rant. These things have been on my mind lately.

I've never encountered such rude individuals as these - to actually SAY something like that! I am so sorry! I, too, was married at 18 and 6 months later out of choice we got off of birth control to leave it in God's hands and was pregnant right off. 14 months later the same thing happened - both of which we were ecstatic and full of delight; both of which our family said "Oh, Kristi?!" As though I had just told them I had cancer.

Last month I was at the park and ran into an old classmate from Freshmen year at highschool. She had her 2 year old daughter there and she asked if my 15 month old was mine. I was pushing her in the swing while my IL's were next to me with my 3 year old. I said "Yep!" Proudly. "Both are! This is Katlyn and this is Karyn!" She looked at me and looked at them with big eyes... "Both.. are?" I felt as though she thought I was a dirty person... like I was a w**re or something. :o I then worked it in that dh and I moved up to where we lived about 5½ months after we were married and almost right after we started trying, we found out we were pregnant. I added an "It was very exciting" to add effect (although it truly WAS exciting-I felt almost the need to prove to her that it was).

It is awful the limited joy people have for others with children... since when did children become less important than the superficial things of this life??

-~Truth_N_Trust~- · Oct 10, 2007

My recent experience at the hospital having my second was funny - the midwives kept forgetting that this was my second baby and i knew what I was doing!!! They were lovely though!

Kazamataz · Oct 10, 2007

What the heck is wrong with people?

some people can be so rude!

NoraLeigh · Oct 10, 2007

KristiLee said:
I've never encountered such rude individuals as these - to actually SAY something like that! I am so sorry! I, too, was married at 18 and 6 months later out of choice we got off of birth control to leave it in God's hands and was pregnant right off. 14 months later the same thing happened - both of which we were ecstatic and full of delight; both of which our family said "Oh, Kristi?!" As though I had just told them I had cancer.

Last month I was at the park and ran into an old classmate from Freshmen year at highschool. She had her 2 year old daughter there and she asked if my 15 month old was mine. I was pushing her in the swing while my IL's were next to me with my 3 year old. I said "Yep!" Proudly. "Both are! This is Katlyn and this is Karyn!" She looked at me and looked at them with big eyes... "Both.. are?" I felt as though she thought I was a dirty person... like I was a w**re or something. :o I then worked it in that dh and I moved up to where we lived about 5½ months after we were married and almost right after we started trying, we found out we were pregnant. I added an "It was very exciting" to add effect (although it truly WAS exciting-I felt almost the need to prove to her that it was).

It is awful the limited joy people have for others with children... since when did children become less important than the superficial things of this life??

Wow! Very similar situations here. Ida just turned 2 and Evie is 3 months. I get weird looks. I CAN understand. I mean, I look even younger than I am and most people my age haven't even started with one child. But that doesn't give people the right to act like I've done something wrong, or that I didn't think ahead.

ChristianMama84 · Oct 10, 2007

extraordinaryexplorers said:
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I have had people ask me if all the children with me are mine, and after I answer yes, they respond with "don't you know what causes that?" I simply can't believe the nerve of some people.

Ooh, I think I'd look at 'em and say something like, "Well, when ya don't have cable you've gotta do something. "

KristiLee · Oct 11, 2007

Ooh... I'll have to remember that one! LMBO!

Sunset2009 · Oct 15, 2007

I once heard a lady, who had like 13 kids, say that she was confronted with the question, "Ever heard of birth control?" And she replied, "Yes, I have, and our births are very controlled."

Sunset2009 · Oct 15, 2007

These kind of things make my stomach churn.

It reads, "And the villain still pursues her."

FaithfulWife · Oct 18, 2007

I'd like to respond, on the OTHER end of quiverfull (meaning I think we are about done versus moreso on the starting end). When our whole family goes out together there are 9 of us..and 10 with my DIL who's more like a daughter. We are a very close, very happy family--but I do know what you mean! People look at us with that STUNNED look in their eye and say, "Are they ALL YOURS"??

I guess for some reason you're only supposed to have 2.5 kids! heehee

Don't let it discourage you too badly. They will never know the joy of 25 people at the dining room table for Thanksgiving--all your family. They will never know the joy of an older sibling helping a younger sibling and being proud of themselves for it. They will NEVER have the sheer joy of hearing seven children roar with laughter when they give you a surprise birthday party that really surprises you! YOU WILL.

((hugz))

~~FaithfulWife

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