Rough Draft "Why I believe" Please help

[PennylessZ28]

I'm writting this for my personal website.

I'd liek some feedback and input as far as format, things I could change.

Editors welcome.

Why I believe





For the longest time I considered myself to be a Christian and I told others I was. Instead, I was just pretending to be a member of a club I wasn't really a member of. It was a way to get people to think better about me, convince girls I must be a nice guy, etc. I would acknowledge God by my lips and deny him by my life style. I wasn't living my life for Christ. I did not even know who He was personally.



Recently in my life things just did not feel like they were adding up when others would tell me I had it good. My love life seemed to be a list of disasters, one after the other. My personal life was not the best either. I was stressed and always angry with everyone. I was not happy with who I was as a person either.



But to others it seemed like everything was going so well for me. I would even rub these facts into others to boost my image and self esteem. I have an excellent career and a great job with wonderful benefits and pay. I have my own house, I had a brand new convertible, and, at the time, a very attractive girlfriend. I have plenty of money to spend and the friends to spend it with. And even though I had everything that society says I need to be happy, I was not truly happy. I kept trying to fill this void in my life with sinful behavior.



But deep inside, I was feeling worse and worse about who I was. I did not realize that the only thing that could fill the void in my life and make me truly happy was the love of the Father, our Lord and of the son, Jesus Christ. I was truly living in darkness.



During one of these days in darkness I got caught racing at 110 mph in a 55 mph speed zone. At the time I did not think much of it. “Not my fault, its 1am, no one is around, and who cares” I thought. When I went to my first court appearance I learned that I could not just weasel my way out of this one. I become very frustrated and angry with the system. I still did not think I did anything really wrong. I appealed the courts decision and continued back with my usual ways.



Between the time of my first court case and my appeal, I still had a lot of doubts about myself and the way I lived. At times it did not bother me. And then there were times when it seemed like everything I had done was catching up with me. I smashed my brand new convertible; I tried to buy a new Car only to find I can not afford car insurance cheaper than 10,000 dollars every 6 months on even a PINTO.

During this time a good friend of mine introduced me to a girl he worked with. She was raised a Christian and went through her own struggle with life only to find Christ herself. Completely different from all the girls I had previously dated, this one was even still a virgin. God purposely put this girl here in this point of my life. She had the answers I was seeking and the way to fill this void that I had in my life.



The answer I was looking for was Jesus Christ. And His love is what I needed to fill that void.



At first, I shook my head but went along with her ideas. I wanted to impress her, and a part of me really did want to know Christ. But I still was not letting go of my self centered life.



When my appeal date came along it did not go the way I had expected. I got a lesser sentence then my first court appearance, but I gave up some personal freedom and spent some time jail.



This was a serious turning point in my life. I realized finally that my own behavior had brought me here and that, unless I changed, I was not just doomed to a life behind bars in this world, but an eternity of separation and imprisonment from God.



I spent four days in jail. The only thing I had to do with my time while I was there was to read a bible I found. I read through all of Luke first and continued from there.



The very first thing which stood out to me was Luke 8:13-15

"Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. 14The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop."



I felt like I was the plant on the rock. I always believed in a God, and I received Him, but it never really took root in my life until now.



I received Christ as my personal savior that weekend I spent in jail. And since then I have not just seen God's influence, but I have felt it.



And you know there are still times when I find it difficult not to go back to my old ways. Sometimes I still slip up, but I just remind myself that through Christ I can achieve.



I like to think about this verse, 2 Peter 1:3



“As we know Jesus better, his divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life.”



Sometimes it can seem so difficult to overcome sin. I know, because I tried so many times and often failed. But the more we learn about Christ, and the more we dedicate ourselves to Him, His power will guide us and help us overcome this sin.



I pray everyday for God to be close to my heart and soul. I certainly do not want to be a wonderer in the dark again.



The way I feel about life and the person I am now is why I believe more than ever.



Simply put, Life. With God, it’s better.

 

[discipleofWORD]

That is an AWESOME TESTIMONY!!!

When did this happen...I'm very curious.

Well, you should read it aloud when you edit it. I suggest you to print it out(double spaced) and read it and make any correct.

But hey, in general, this is basically a typical testimony of every Christian! Thanks for sharing!

Daniel L. Kim

 

[Blessed-one]

i don't see anything out of line there. Great testimony!

 

[PennylessZ28]

now I think I'm on final draft, I updated it.

 

[plum]

What a great story. Thank you very much for sharing it. I don't have any critiques. The only thing I might say is, "plot wise," you might not want to state the solution to your problem until the end, when you discover it in the story. You mention the solution early on, in paragraph 4. Coming at it from a short story perspective, you might want to hold that off a bit longer
But wow, praise God He met you where you were, in jail, alone, the man you were. Awesome.

 

[Dawn Marie]

I think it's wonderful the way it is.

 

[wgjones3]

Very good testamony. Since you said "editors welcome," here goes:

I'll start with your original in italics and an edited version below (with brief explaination) for each paragraph:

For the longest time I considered myself to be a Christian and I told others I was. Instead, I was just pretending to be a member of a club I wasn't really a member of. It was a way to get people to think better about me, convince girls I must be a nice guy, etc. I would acknowledge God by my lips and deny him by my life style. I wasn't living my life for Christ. I did not even know who He was personally.

For the longest time I considered myself a Christian and told others I was. Instead, I was just pretending to be a member of a club I wasn't really a member of. It was a way to impress people and convince girls I must be a nice guy. I would acknowledge God with my lips and deny him with my life style. I wasn't living my life for Christ. I did not even know who He was.

(No major changes here. Just trim the fat, so to speak. I changed by to with on two occasions, and cut some wordiness out)

Recently in my life things just did not feel like they were adding up when others would tell me I had it good. My love life seemed to be a list of disasters, one after the other. My personal life was not the best either. I was stressed and always angry with everyone. I was not happy with who I was as a person either.

Things in my life just did not feel like they were adding up. My love life was a series of disasters, one after the other. My personal life was not the best either. I was stressed and angry; I was not happy with who I was as a person.

(Basically, just cleaning up the wordiness and changing list to series.)

But to others it seemed like everything was going so well for me. I would even rub these facts into others to boost my image and self esteem. I have an excellent career and a great job with wonderful benefits and pay. I have my own house, I had a brand new convertible, and, at the time, a very attractive girlfriend. I have plenty of money to spend and the friends to spend it with. And even though I had everything that society says I need to be happy, I was not truly happy. I kept trying to fill this void in my life with sinful behavior.

To others, it seemed like everything was going well for me. I had an excellent job with wonderful benefits and pay. I had my own house, a brand new convertible, and a very attractive girlfriend. I had plenty of money to spend and friends to spend it with. Even though I had everything that society says I need to be happy, I was not truly happy. I kept trying to fill this void in my life with sin.

(The biggest problem I saw here was the switching of tenses from past tense to present tense. Also, cleaned up some wordiness.)

But deep inside, I was feeling worse and worse about who I was. I did not realize that the only thing that could fill the void in my life and make me truly happy was the love of the Father, our Lord and of the son, Jesus Christ. I was truly living in darkness.

Deep inside, I was feeling worse about myself. I did not realize that the only thing that could fill the void in my life and make me truly happy was the love of the Father, our Lord and of the son, Jesus Christ. I was living in darkness.

(Cut some wordiness)

During one of these days in darkness I got caught racing at 110 mph in a 55 mph speed zone. At the time I did not think much of it. “Not my fault, its 1am, no one is around, and who cares” I thought. When I went to my first court appearance I learned that I could not just weasel my way out of this one. I become very frustrated and angry with the system. I still did not think I did anything really wrong. I appealed the courts decision and continued back with my usual ways.

During this time, I got caught street racing. At the time, I did not think much of it. I thought it wasn't my fault, that I'd done nothing wrong. It was 1 am and nobody was around, so why would anybody care? When I went to my first court appearance I realized that I could not weasel my way out of this one. I become frustrated and angry with the system. I appealed the court's decision and continued my usual ways.

(Added a couple of apostrophies (sp?) and cut some wordiness. Also, changed your thoughts to flow with the narrative)

Between the time of my first court case and my appeal, I still had a lot of doubts about myself and the way I lived. At times it did not bother me. And then there were times when it seemed like everything I had done was catching up with me. I smashed my brand new convertible; I tried to buy a new Car only to find I can not afford car insurance cheaper than 10,000 dollars every 6 months on even a PINTO.

Between my first court case and my appeal, I still had a lot of doubts about the way I was living. At times it did not bother me, but there were times when it seemed like everything I had done was catching up with me. I totaled my car and when I tried to buy a new car, I found that any car I bought--even the cheapest economy car--would cost me at least $20,000 a year to insure.

(Changed the wording on the final sentence to give it a more polished flow)

During this time a good friend of mine introduced me to a girl he worked with. She was raised a Christian and went through her own struggle with life only to find Christ herself. Completely different from all the girls I had previously dated, this one was even still a virgin. God purposely put this girl here in this point of my life. She had the answers I was seeking and the way to fill this void that I had in my life.

It was during this time that a good friend of mine introduced me to a girl he worked with. She was a Christian and had gone through her own struggles with life to find Christ for herself. She was completely different from all the girls I had dated; she was still a virgin, even. God put this girl in my life. She had the answers I was seeking and the way to fill this void that I had.

(Changed some of the stentence structure to give the paragraph more flow)

The answer I was looking for was Jesus Christ. And His love is what I needed to fill that void.

The answer was Jesus Christ. His love was what I needed to fill that void.

At first, I shook my head but went along with her ideas. I wanted to impress her, and a part of me really did want to know Christ. But I still was not letting go of my self centered life.

At first, I merely went along with her ideas. I wanted to impress her, and part of me really did want to know Christ, but I still was not ready to let go of my self-centered life.

(Changed to give better flow)

When my appeal date came along it did not go the way I had expected. I got a lesser sentence then my first court appearance, but I gave up some personal freedom and spent some time jail.

When my appeal came up, it did not go the way I had expected. I got a reduced sentence, but still lost some personal freedom and spent some time jail.

This was a serious turning point in my life. I realized finally that my own behavior had brought me here and that, unless I changed, I was not just doomed to a life behind bars in this world, but an eternity of separation and imprisonment from God.

This was a turning point in my life. I realized finally that unless I changed, I was not just doomed to a life behind bars in this world, but an eternity of separation and imprisonment from God.

I spent four days in jail. The only thing I had to do with my time while I was there was to read a bible I found. I read through all of Luke first and continued from there.

I spent four days in jail. The only thing I had to do with my time was to read a Bible I found. I read through all of Luke first and continued from there.

The very first thing which stood out to me was Luke 8:13-15

"Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. 14The seed that fell among thorns stands for those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by life's worries, riches and pleasures, and they do not mature. 15But the seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop."

(No changes needed)

I felt like I was the plant on the rock. I always believed in a God, and I received Him, but it never really took root in my life until now.

I received Christ as my personal savior that weekend I spent in jail. And since then I have not just seen God's influence, but I have felt it.

I felt like I was the plant on the rock. I always believed in God, but His word never really took root in my life until then. I received Christ as my personal savior that weekend I spent in jail. And since then I have not just seen God's influence, but I have felt it.

(Combined two paragraphs and reworked them for flow)

And you know there are still times when I find it difficult not to go back to my old ways. Sometimes I still slip up, but I just remind myself that through Christ I can achieve.

You know, there are still times when I want to go back to my old ways. Sometimes I still slip up, but I remind myself that through Christ I can achieve victory over my past.

(I took a liberty here, it just felt like the victory needed an explaination)

I like to think about this verse, 2 Peter 1:3

I like to think about 2 Peter, chapter 1, verse 3, which says,



“As we know Jesus better, his divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life.”



Sometimes it can seem so difficult to overcome sin. I know, because I tried so many times and often failed. But the more we learn about Christ, and the more we dedicate ourselves to Him, His power will guide us and help us overcome this sin.

Sometimes it can seem so difficult to overcome sin. I know, because I tried so many times and often failed. But the more we learn about Christ and the more we dedicate ourselves to Him, the more His power will guide us and help us overcome this sin.

(just added 2 words to maintain the logic of the statement)

I pray everyday for God to be close to my heart and soul. I certainly do not want to be a wonderer in the dark again.

The way I feel about life and the person I am now is why I believe more than ever.

Simply put, Life. With God, it’s better.

I pray every day for God to keep me close. I certianly do not want to wander in darkness again. The way I feel about life and the person I am now is why I believe in God now more than ever.

Simply put, Life. With God, it’s better.

Simply put, life with God is better.

Those are the edits I'd make. Again, touching story and a great testimony.

 

[PennylessZ28]

Thanks, I'll make note of these in the document when I get home from work.

I've made some other changes since then, but I'll use yours to help me along.