Romance

Mirelys said:

Well, if I knew it was considered a date, I'd be expecting that.

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Ok, but it seems getting it to be considered a "date" is the tricky part.

I mean, if he comes right out and says it, he's a creep.
If he becomes a friend first, then he's always a friend and nothing more.

Chaan Stines said:

So if a guy asks you out, and you agree to go out on a date or two with him, and then he says, "I just want to be upfront with you. I'm not interested in being 'just friends', I'm looking for more than that," that makes him a creep?

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If any girl puts a guy in a creep category for that...Really needs help. True there are crazy weird psycho guys out there. But for the most part, I'd say most people can be trusted.

Chaan Stines said:

Ok, but it seems getting it to be considered a "date" is the tricky part.

I mean, if he comes right out and says it, he's a creep.
If he becomes a friend first, then he's always a friend and nothing more.

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I don't agree with that at all. I married my best friend.
True, he turned out to be an abusive creep, but that's beside the point...

Chaan Stines said:

Ok, but it seems getting it to be considered a "date" is the tricky part.

I mean, if he comes right out and says it, he's a creep.
If he becomes a friend first, then he's always a friend and nothing more.

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EXACTLY! It always happens.

superdave said:

If any girl puts a guy in a creep category for that...Really needs help. True there are crazy weird psycho guys out there. But for the most part, I'd say most people can be trusted.

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Clearly we've had vastly different experiences. Since you're so handy with the generalizations, can I say it's because you're a guy and socially oblivious?

Mirelys said:

Clearly we've had vastly different experiences. Since you're so handy with the generalizations, can I say it's because you're a guy and socially oblivious?

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You do not know me, and you have no idea who I am. I am not oblivious. I just have experienced a lot of let downs, because of my lack of confidence. I could have had some better times--if I just let things be...instead of getting worked up over stupid stuff! (does she like me? can i ever ask her out?). I can imagine, how scary it is to be female. I can understand that if a guy came up to a girl he didn't even know, laid it on really strong--it could freak them out. But what I am talking about, is the guys that just become passive wimps--and do not make ANY effort to persue what they desire. I can think of the time I would have had, if I would have just simply let my intentions known EARLY--I could have moved on...and go on--regardless, if the Girl liked me or not.

Tell me what sounds creepier to you?

A) A guy that secretly likes you, fantasizes about you (don't let your mind slip in the gutter here.), drools over you, Hangs around you CONSTANTLY--gives you this facade that he wants to be a good friend-but really just wants a relationship. Not interested in a friendship at all. And then lets it out, in a emotional way.

B) Or a guy that is upfront after the second date, tells you that you are beautiful and would like to persue a further relationship with you. And would like to get to know you more. Never holds anything back. Lets you know all of his intentions.

To me B, sounds a lot better. Because it shows, that he is not scared, he is active and pursuing what he desires. The other guy, is just a wimp. And you cant tell me, that a passive guy would ever win your heart.

I am not advocating, crazy weird ravid Male domination stuff. I just think that passivity and lack of confidence, always ALMOST gaurantees that you WILL not get a relationship.

What I am advocating, is guys to have confidence and just persue.

That's what God created us to be like, dear. And every woman desires it.

superdave said:

A) A guy that secretly likes you, fantasizes about you (don't let your mind slip in the gutter here.), drools over you, Hangs around you CONSTANTLY--gives you this facade that he wants to be a good friend-but really just wants a relationship. Not interested in a friendship at all. And then lets it out, in a emotional way.

B) Or a guy that is upfront after the second date, tells you that you are beautiful and would like to persue a further relationship with you. And would like to get to know you more. Never holds anything back. Lets you know all of his intentions.

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B is better because he is honest. It's not to do with being a "wimp" or not a "real man"---honesty is extremely important.

That's what God created us to be like, dear. And every woman desires it.

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I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to say what every woman desires, dear.

Okay, maybe I was stepping out a little by saying thats what every woman desires. But what I do know is this-- I have asked TONS of females. And I have gathered one thing...Girls like guys who are leaders and active and NOT PASSIVE.

I think that's all I am trying to say. I hope God blesses you.

superdave said:

Okay, maybe I was stepping out a little by saying thats what every woman desires. But what I do know is this-- I have asked TONS of females. And I have gathered one thing...Girls like guys who are leaders and active and NOT PASSIVE.

I think that's all I am trying to say. I hope God blesses you.

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Just keep in mind that women are individuals as well. I respect a guy who stands by his convictions, just like I respect a woman who stands by hers. Honesty is also important in both genders, as well as patience and gentleness.
I don't know, perhaps you agree and we're just arguing over the way the ideas were presented

I couldn't agree more. I think honesty and gentleness is very important. And Honesty is what I am getting at. I scared girls with not being honest. And looked REALLY selfish.

superdave said:

You do not know me, and you have no idea who I am. I am not oblivious. I just have experienced a lot of let downs, because of my lack of confidence. I could have had some better times--if I just let things be...instead of getting worked up over stupid stuff! (does she like me? can i ever ask her out?). I can imagine, how scary it is to be female. I can understand that if a guy came up to a girl he didn't even know, laid it on really strong--it could freak them out. But what I am talking about, is the guys that just become passive wimps--and do not make ANY effort to persue what they desire. I can think of the time I would have had, if I would have just simply let my intentions known EARLY--I could have moved on...and go on--regardless, if the Girl liked me or not.

Tell me what sounds creepier to you?

A) A guy that secretly likes you, fantasizes about you (don't let your mind slip in the gutter here.), drools over you, Hangs around you CONSTANTLY--gives you this facade that he wants to be a good friend-but really just wants a relationship. Not interested in a friendship at all. And then lets it out, in a emotional way.

B) Or a guy that is upfront after the second date, tells you that you are beautiful and would like to persue a further relationship with you. And would like to get to know you more. Never holds anything back. Lets you know all of his intentions.

To me B, sounds a lot better. Because it shows, that he is not scared, he is active and pursuing what he desires. The other guy, is just a wimp. And you cant tell me, that a passive guy would ever win your heart.

I am not advocating, crazy weird ravid Male domination stuff. I just think that passivity and lack of confidence, always ALMOST gaurantees that you WILL not get a relationship.

What I am advocating, is guys to have confidence and just persue.

That's what God created us to be like. And every woman desires it.

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I would have repped you again but they wouldn't let me.

superdave said:

To me B, sounds a lot better. Because it shows, that he is not scared, he is active and pursuing what he desires. The other guy, is just a wimp. And you cant tell me, that a passive guy would ever win your heart.

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I think you need to come out and state your definition of "wimp" since you seem to be confusing personalities with traits and/or tact. From what I can tell, you are stating that any guy who is not up front and anyone that doesn't have a problem laying all his feelings out to be potentialy shredded, is a wimp.

i dont want my feeling gettin played around wit

First, I understand your talking about a different point superdave, and I am behind that point; I just want to clarify something.

You do not know me, and you have no idea who I am. I am not oblivious. I just have experienced a lot of let downs, because of my lack of confidence. I could have had some better times--if I just let things be...instead of getting worked up over stupid stuff! (does she like me? can i ever ask her out?). I can imagine, how scary it is to be female. I can understand that if a guy came up to a girl he didn't even know, laid it on really strong--it could freak them out. But what I am talking about, is the guys that just become passive wimps--and do not make ANY effort to persue what they desire. I can think of the time I would have had, if I would have just simply let my intentions known EARLY--I could have moved on...and go on--regardless, if the Girl liked me or not.

Tell me what sounds creepier to you?

A) A guy that secretly likes you, fantasizes about you (don't let your mind slip in the gutter here.), drools over you, Hangs around you CONSTANTLY--gives you this facade that he wants to be a good friend-but really just wants a relationship. Not interested in a friendship at all. And then lets it out, in a emotional way.

B) Or a guy that is upfront after the second date, tells you that you are beautiful and would like to persue a further relationship with you. And would like to get to know you more. Never holds anything back. Lets you know all of his intentions.

To me B, sounds a lot better. Because it shows, that he is not scared, he is active and pursuing what he desires. The other guy, is just a wimp. And you cant tell me, that a passive guy would ever win your heart.

I am not advocating, crazy weird ravid Male domination stuff. I just think that passivity and lack of confidence, always ALMOST gaurantees that you WILL not get a relationship.

What I am advocating, is guys to have confidence and just persue.

That's what God created us to be like, dear. And every woman desires it.

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c) An open and honest guy who has tempered (different than resisting) his desire and really doesn’t “like” any girl till he knows them better. He is open about being a sexual being and that he isn’t a Buddhist monk not looking for fine women to marry and love (i.e he is charming and flirtatious with any interesting women in his life). If liking her is a problem he will be strait up about it of course, but otherwise he just going to ‘go with the flow’ and see what happens (i.e let romance build if something is there, and friendship build if not)

That to me is the optimal, of course from the sounds of what you said it simply the difference between “alpha male type A”(traditional) behavior and “alpha male type B”(modern) behavior and that is just the beauty of G-d’s diversity . So to each their own I suppose.

CapitalLancer said:

I think you need to come out and state your definition of "wimp" since you seem to be confusing personalities with traits and/or tact. From what I can tell, you are stating that any guy who is not up front and anyone that doesn't have a problem laying all his feelings out to be potentialy shredded, is a wimp.

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Yes it is being wimpy when you cant share your feelings with a girl. I am sorry, it is. And I am preachng to myself. I admit I was a wimp, by being controlled by my insecurity. If you are feeling like you are going to be potentially shredded--then, you are ruled by insecurity and not security. And whats more, Fear does not come from God. God is a God of faith, and He would not like you to be afraid. Especially because of something so trivial.

Being a man, is being a person who steps up and just does it. Gets things done..Leads. A guy who sits around scared, all he is a--is a--Boy. An adolescent. I am sorry, I am past the whole, Junior High, "I wonder if she likes me..." phase. If a girl, peaks my interest, and I peak hers, I am going for it.

Soooo... being careful means being a wimp...


...riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... right. Have fun with that brakeless train of thought.


Here's the thing that you fail to understand:
Your sense of the word wimp and the word Macho do not lie at opposite ends of the scale from each other. You are confusing macho for being an individual who has no sense of internalizing of emotions. There is a difference.

CapitalLancer said:

Soooo... being careful means being a wimp...


...riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... right. Have fun with that brakeless train of thought.


Here's the thing that you fail to understand:
Your sense of the word wimp and the word Macho do not lie at opposite ends of the scale from each other. You are confusing macho for being an individual who has no sense of internalizing of emotions. There is a difference.

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I have a few things to say... take it or leave it...

Why would any guy be afraid to ask a girl out? I mean the worst thing that could happen is a girl to say no. You see, this is the problem that not only Christian guys have--but worldly guys have. They make a huge deal about dating...and take everything a girl says personal. They rely on girls for security, when they don't look to other things that bring them security. Such as Faith in God. Or Even Faith in yourself. And I am not suggesting that a man is a person who is heartless, and has no emotions. I am a romantic, artist type-- I am full of emotion. And more so, than most guys. I am saying it is NOT being a man by sitting back, and not going after something and stepping and leading. If you are sitting there, wondering and wondering, and worrying about being torn apart by a girl. How in the world do you think you can step up and lead?

You really are taking what I am saying out of context. I know man, because I have been passive and worried about being torn apart because I got torn apart in the past. But when I saw, that it is not a big deal- I am in my early twenties, I have a lot to offer. And if some girl rejects me, it doesn't hurt. Because I know WHO I AM. I am not looking to women to give me security. I am looking to who God says I am and my faith in myself. If a girl cant see how great I am, then she is at fault, NOT ME, and I move on. There are plenty of women out there, that find me attractive- no use beating myself up for one that didnt.

And not only that look at the poll above you-- I believe what I am saying proves my point. Hands down. The Women want guys to not play games and come out and say it.
I know I am bashing alot of ideas and a lot of things that are hot subjects right now. But the subject of dating is not even covered in scripture. So, everyone's opinion is just that, an opinion. Mine included. There is not one method that's right for one person. And you can believe what you want to.

I have a few things to say... take it or leave it...

Why would any guy be afraid to ask a girl out? I mean the worst thing that could happen is a girl to say no. You see, this is the problem that not only Christian guys have--but worldly guys have. They make a huge deal about dating...and take everything a girl says personal. They rely on girls for security, when they don't look to other things that bring them security. Such as Faith in God. Or Even Faith in yourself. And I am not suggesting that a man is a person who is heartless, and has no emotions. I am a romantic, artist type-- I am full of emotion. And more so, than most guys. I am saying it is NOT being a man by sitting back, and not going after something and stepping and leading. If you are sitting there, wondering and wondering, and worrying about being torn apart by a girl. How in the world do you think you can step up and lead?

You really are taking what I am saying out of context. I know man, because I have been passive and worried about being torn apart because I got torn apart in the past. But when I saw, that it is not a big deal- I am in my early twenties, I have a lot to offer. And if some girl rejects me, it doesn't hurt. Because I know WHO I AM. I am not looking to women to give me security. I am looking to who God says I am and my faith in myself. If a girl cant see how great I am, then she is at fault, NOT ME, and I move on. There are plenty of women out there, that find me attractive- no use beating myself up for one that didnt.

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Getting the girl you want is not down to "playing romance games." It's about being yourself. You might have heard that before, but I really mean "be" yourself. Not the "you" who your friends think you should be but the "you" who God is calling you to be. Once you become God's version of you, there's no need for "games" 'cos you can easily approach girls with God's confidence in you. If they reject you, at least God accepts you.

Stay Blessed