Role of girlfriend?

[Eccp19]

So in a courting Godly relationship, what exactly is the role of the girlfriend? I know there is debate about the boy's role, but definitely leading the relationship, setting examples of Godly character, and loving her with all you can are a given.

So then, what is the girlfriend supposed to do? And what are examples?

 

[InTheFlame]

I don't want to start a debate, but I think the roles of gf and bf should be quite similar - to keep each other accountable, to keep each others' best interests in mind, to encourage each other in keeping up or developing relationships with a wise, older mentor.

Maybe in your lead/follow model, an important thing for a woman is to keep her standards high, both for herself and for her boyfriend, and avoid agreeing to go deeper into relationship (which might be talking about marriage, or whatever) when they aren't both actively growing spiritually. What do you think?

 

[Woohaar]

Yeah, I agree with InTheFlame.

But I also think that GFs have a responsibility to try help their BFs keep their thoughts pure. I'm not saying take full responsibility for it, but there are some things that we as can to try and reduce temptation.
ie: not showing too much skin, not wearing clothes that are too tight etc.

Anyone else?

 

[LiberatedChick]

I think that a BF and GF shouldn't have specific roles until marriage. Yes, I believe in the husband being the leader and the wife submitting to him but I also believe that those roles don't come into play until you actually become husband and wife.

So in a courting relationship I think both people should be aiming to form a strong relationship and to help each other grow spiritually.

 

[B®ent]

So in a courting Godly relationship, what exactly is the role of the girlfriend? I know there is debate about the boy's role, but definitely leading the relationship, setting examples of Godly character, and loving her with all you can are a given.

So then, what is the girlfriend supposed to do? And what are examples?

That's for marriage, not for courtship. During courtship a young woman remains subject to her parents, under the headship of her father. I believe the young man can learn a lot from his girlfriend's father, provided he is a strong believer. But to assume the role of leadership before marriage is improper.

 

[Eccp19]

That's for marriage, not for courtship. During courtship a young woman remains subject to her parents, under the headship of her father. I believe the young man can learn a lot from his girlfriend's father, provided he is a strong believer. But to assume the role of leadership before marriage is improper.

I disagree. I believe that in a strong courtship where marriage looks more and more like a possibility, the roles of husband and wife (while not practiced fully yet) should start to come into place. The man should already be a strong leader and ready to head a family and care for his wife. I don't think this quality will magically come when the couple is at the altar and says "I do." I also don't think it is realistic for both people to resist the husband/wife roles of a Godly marriage while courting. Plus the notion that the girl is under the headship of her father, especially in this day and age AND if the girl is an adult, is not realistic. There comes a point when the parents, or father, of the daughter let go and leave her with her convictions and ability to make her own decisions. The parent's are now just left with either approval or dissaproval in their daughter's decisions. And this is where hopefully, if she is dating a man with high character and Godliness, will look to for leadership, direction, and accountability.

 

[LiberatedChick]

I don't think this quality will magically come when the couple is at the altar and says "I do."

You're right. It doesn't magically happen. My husband did not become a strong leader until some months after we married. Thing is there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with not immediately adjusting to marriage, in fact I'd say that's perfectly normal and to be expected.

 

[Maeyken]

I think the change between "boyfriend and girlfriend" and "husband and wife" should begin at engagement (as long as it's not a really song eg- several years engagement). To me, that is the purpose of engagement (besides planning the wedding). Engagement is a time to start separating yourself from your own family in preparation to become a new family with your new spouse. This is not to say you abandon your family or anything. The way I see it is that you become less dependent on your family and more dependent on your spouse. Also, your priority becomes your spouse over your family.
I hope this doesn't sound too harsh or anything... it's not that I think you should not talk to your family and never ask them for anything. Rather, when you get married it's a formation of a new family, and that new family should be your highest priority (second to God).

Do you see why it might be dangerous to start making this change before you're engaged?

 

[Eccp19]

You're right. It doesn't magically happen. My husband did not become a strong leader until some months after we married. Thing is there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with not immediately adjusting to marriage, in fact I'd say that's perfectly normal and to be expected.

So you were comfortable marrying someone that you did not know for sure if he would be a strong spiritual leader?

I would rather know before marrying someone if they possess certain essential qualities in a spouse.

 

[LiberatedChick]

So you were comfortable marrying someone that you did not know for sure if he would be a strong spiritual leader?

Well my story is a little more complicated than that. We were both non-Christians when we married, with me being saved shortly afterwards. Thus I knew nothing about leadership and submission when I married. What I was saying with that post is the fact we did not assume certain roles before marriage was not detrimental to our relationship in any way.

You said yourself that a bf/gf can not fully take on the roles of husband and wife until they're married. Adjustment to marriage is to be expected especially, if you've never lived outside of your parents home before...that in itself can take some getting used to.

 

[Hope_0004]

Wow.

Well, I think that you need to decide what your roles are going to be. I know that for myself, the term "submission" means a very different thing than some of the men (and women) around here might take it to mean. So I'd say even in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, I would make that clear if I thought there was a conflict.

As far as what God says the roles should be, the only way to truly decide how you feel about that scripturally is to read them for yourself. You can ask for opinions from others, sure, but ultimately it is your opinion that matters. That, and the opinion of your girlfriend.

I personally don't feel like I need a man to "lead" me spiritually at this point in my life, whether it be my father, my husband, or my boyfriend. Of course, when you are a child, you need leadership, but that came just as much from my mother as from my father. I hope my marriage, if I ever decide to have one, will be more of a partnership. I think both parties can have certain responsibilities in the same "role".

But that's just me. And you can see how different my opinion is from others who have already posted. My advice would be to talk to your girlfriend and then to God about this one.

 

[B®ent]

I disagree. I believe that in a strong courtship where marriage looks more and more like a possibility, the roles of husband and wife (while not practiced fully yet) should start to come into place. The man should already be a strong leader and ready to head a family and care for his wife. I don't think this quality will magically come when the couple is at the altar and says "I do." I also don't think it is realistic for both people to resist the husband/wife roles of a Godly marriage while courting. Plus the notion that the girl is under the headship of her father, especially in this day and age AND if the girl is an adult, is not realistic. There comes a point when the parents, or father, of the daughter let go and leave her with her convictions and ability to make her own decisions. The parent's are now just left with either approval or dissaproval in their daughter's decisions. And this is where hopefully, if she is dating a man with high character and Godliness, will look to for leadership, direction, and accountability.

Interesting argument -- one that I will consider, but probably won't ever agree with. I believe it would be too much like usurping her father's authority.

Respectfully,
Johannes

 

[Hope_0004]

What if she doesn't have a father? Not uncommon in this day and age... should your boyfriend or husband step in and be your daddy?

 

[Inperfected]

Um. NO.

Mothers will often take on the place of this, or a pastor or close adult friend. Or you could be responsible for you own.

And in this day and age, i am still relient on my dadda... Even in ten years i would be if i wasn't going to be married then... Just coz the day and age has changed, doesn't mean everything has.

Oh and by the way i agree with maeyken

 

[bliz]

Where is all this husband-as-spiritual-leader stuff coming from? Does anyone have scripture on that?

Last time I checked, I was permitted directly into the throneroom of God and He could speak directly to me. Exactly where does my husband fit into that scenario? Does he hear God better than I do? Am I unable to understand what God says to me up until the moment of marriage? Sure, we admonish, remind, support and encourage and teach one another in spiritual matters, but it's a mutual support system, not a one way street.

God is the head of our household, not my husband. I respect and love the man, but why would I settle for human leadership when I can have God's?

Marriage relationships are for married people. Not dating couples, courting folks or engaged people, if only becasue so many engaged couples never actually get married.

 

[Inperfected]

Bliz i can't rep you again... but thanks for that post