Robertz I think you are very very strong

[annrobert]

Robertz,
I want you to know that you are very very strong and Jesus is holding you and protecting you through all of this.No matter how you feel or what ocd is telling you keep up the good fight of faith.You have faith which has been given to you by the Holy Spirit who gives each person the measure of faith.Never never give up,keep staying strong as you have been.Jesus will never cast out anyone who comes to Him no matter what and no matter how they are feeling and no matter what ocd is telling them.I just want to encourage you ,I have been through what you have and many others here have too.Jesus is holding on to you .You are safe.
Jesus Bless You
annrobert

 

[keryakos]

i second that robert ....

 

[Jesuslovesme29]

Hang in there RobertZ

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

God loves you Robertz...meditate on the Cross of Christ. Ask and you will receive, believe that. You are loved my friend, I pray the best for you, hang in there.

 

[RobertZ]

Thanks guys.

 

[annrobert]

Sometimes as I have questioned why this happened to me, this is an idea that I come up with.I went through a trauma that set off an extremely loud and terrifying alarm in my brain, maybe it was triggered by a vulnerable state ,overwork for years, unconsious thoughts and worries and then a trauma happened.The ocd immediately seized upon this terrifying alarm with an horrible yet logical explanation for why I had this terrifying alarm.Thus I associated that alarm that went off in my brain with the explanation and this caused despair and torment and grief and anguish along with more terror,the ever present ocd was always ready with explanations for the torment which of course caused more torment, and thus more reasons and explanations which are of course very logical sounding and this keeps the torment up, never giving me a reprieve but only intensifying the terror and hopelessness and realness of it all.

My brain found a reason for the torment,the ocd convinced me of the reason it gave me , making me weaker and weaker as this went on in a vicious cycle.My reasoning and strength was broken .This terror, anguish and grief was so overpowering and unrelenting that it would jar me awake at night.The only conclusion ocd would give me was that God was furious with me and would never ever have mercy and grace for me ever again , and I thought I had already died the second death and hence the darkness and anguish , after the alarm had done the damage , it left me shattered and ruined I thought forever.I thought I must be the most evil person for God to leave me,and was not fit to be a human being on the earth.Since God had left me I thought now I have none to help me.However Jesus had not left me.I know full well I have ocd and have had it all my life and in many awful ways that I do not talk about.

I held onto to the tiniest tiniest hope that I was wrong,despite the horror I was going through.What I often wonder though is why this terror and anguish could become that monumental in a moment?I have been in life threatening situations and never felt anything remotely close.This grief and horror seemed supernatural to me, the magnitude of it was beyond all reason.It was destroying me and ruining me completely.it was beyond all control.It was like there was hell flames in front of my face all the time,and everything appeared dark and unreal and I felt like an empty shell and lost all ability to respond to people or life.

I ask myself what could possibly cause such torment, surely my mind could not manufacture this by itself.I could barely force myself to eat a little soup occasionally and rapidly lost thirty some pounds.Despair and hopelessness engulfed me, I think many people thought I must be right , God had left me.Even my health was being destroyed and I am waiting for test results and more tests to be done.Some of the test results that I have got back so far are not good.Yet God had not left me and is in fact healing me.Even though the experience left me full of confusion and fear and many questions and bizarre ideas.

Jesus is restoring my soul.Jesus has healed many people of this affliction and He is healing me.Since so many people are healed of this dreadful religious ocd and overcome and receive peace with God, it is proof that the conclusions we come to about it are false.Jesus is truth and Jesus says he that cometh to Me I will in no wise cast out.Jesus saves to the uttermost.No matter how real the hopelessness seems , Jesus welcomes us with a promise to not cast us out.We hold onto our hope, despite appearances and OCD lies.I have been doing much research on these type of illnesses and find it helpful and interesting.It sounds like Jeremiah the prophet went through something much like this in lamentations.I am not lost, Jesus is healing me and nids me come.Jesus bids you to come to Robert and He will not cast you out.I hope this helps you some Robert.
blessings
annrobert

 

[annrobert]

Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your King is coming to you; He is just and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey...Zech 9:9.

33Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
34Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.

John 5:24 Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.