Roadblocks versus persistence

[jcj3803]

My son is infatuated with a girl in his high school. He's been flirting with her quite a bit and it sounds like she's been flirting back although she seems to be running hot and cold - sometimes very flirty, other times not responding much.

Anyway, it seems that when they have an opportunity to spend some time together something gets in the way. For example, they were going to meet up at a dance but a couple guys cornered her and then when she was free my son had been dragged out onto the dance floor by his female friends. Then the young lady had to leave early.

So a couple of questions -

I don't know what to tell him. The hot and cold thing puzzles me greatly unless she's playing mind games. Is she maybe just moody?

And maybe more important is when should you just give up? Is this not getting together the Hand of God or just bad timing?

I'd tell him the usual, "You're young, plenty of girls, etc" but he's really quite smitten with this girl. And this is sort of a breakthrough b/c he VERY rarely talks about emotions, so I don't want to shut him down.

Thanks.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

She might be scared or not ready. I personally have little patience and want what I want now, but if he could be friendly and open to others instead of focusing all his attention on her, that would probably be ideal but probably impossible if he's infatuated with her.

I've had the same problem at 41, so what can I say? This month it's been a year since I met one of my eharmony matches. I thought that guy was going to be the one. I was really interested just from him his first email and reading his profile. That first meeting was electric, but there were so many roadblocks. Mostly him, but he kept trying to keep me around. We enjoy each other's company. Maybe we're supposed to be friends and I can enjoy that now without being impatient for more. Of course it helps when I have someone else in my life.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

My son is infatuated with a girl in his high school. He's been flirting with her quite a bit and it sounds like she's been flirting back although she seems to be running hot and cold - sometimes very flirty, other times not responding much.

Anyway, it seems that when they have an opportunity to spend some time together something gets in the way. For example, they were going to meet up at a dance but a couple guys cornered her and then when she was free my son had been dragged out onto the dance floor by his female friends. Then the young lady had to leave early.

So a couple of questions -

I don't know what to tell him. The hot and cold thing puzzles me greatly unless she's playing mind games. Is she maybe just moody?

And maybe more important is when should you just give up? Is this not getting together the Hand of God or just bad timing?

I'd tell him the usual, "You're young, plenty of girls, etc" but he's really quite smitten with this girl. And this is sort of a breakthrough b/c he VERY rarely talks about emotions, so I don't want to shut him down.

Thanks.

The situation you described sounds very, very similar to a situation that my nephew went through a couple of years ago in his sophomore/junior year in high school.

The girl he was smitten with would be flirty with him and act like she was interested when it was convenient for her or when she was feeling lonely but then as soon as another guy paid attention to her - a guy she was seriously interested in - she would drop my nephew like a hot potato...then when that guy dropped her she'd come back to my nephew and start flirting with him again.

Fortunately, she did it one to many times and my nephew wised up and cut it off.

I don't know that this is exactly what is happening to your son but it sounds very similar.

I really believe in the idea that if someone is in to you then they will do whatever it takes to show you that they are interested and they will be consistent in their behavior.

I would tell your son to put this girl on the back burner....he doesn't have to completely cut off his friendship with her but I do think he needs to set up some boundaries around his heart...if she can show him later on that she is sincere in her feelings for him then he can decide then if he wants to give her another chance...but I truly think he needs to start looking for a girl who will appreciate him and appreciate his attention and affection.

 

[Jenster]

I agree with what others have said. Some people don't know what they want. They may appreciate the attention, but not really want a relationship. Or they may be scared.

Is there any way you and your son could host a small party or outing or something like that, so the two of them could get to know each other better? Perhaps the girl will feel more comfortable with him afterwards, if that's her issue.

This could be a life lesson for your son. Has he been submitting this to the Lord in prayer? It's true that road blocks could be sent by the Lord because this is not a relationship that was meant to be. IF you've prayed and this has been the result, then I would advise him to back off a little and get to know other girls. (Easier said than done, given teenage hormones, I know!) But if the roadblocks did not appear following prayer, maybe they were just some of those odd happenings in life that serve to make us think hard about what we want.

Would he be comfortable simply asking her out? (Would you be OK with that, Dad? )

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

She might be scared or not ready.

I know when I was in high school.....I was very much like that. I used to flirt with guys I had a crush on, then as soon as they liked me.....I moved on to the next crush, but I would still be kinda' flirty with the last guy. I was just scared AND not ready to date or be in a relationship. I was 21 when I had my 1st bf.....and even then, we were friends for 6 months until he kissed me, one day. Then, I MADE myself 'go with it' to see what happened.

 

[soccerdad66]

This could be a life lesson for your son...

I know when I was in high school.....I was very much like that. I used to flirt with guys I had a crush on, then as soon as they liked me.....I moved on to the next crush, but I would still be kinda' flirty with the last guy...

Exactly, it's a lesson he'll have to learn, and you'll just need to be there for him. And many girls at this age were like HFL4U. Nothing wrong with that exactly.

Sometimes when you like someone, then find out more about them, you decide you don't like them as much, it happens. My son will have to go through the same thing in a few years.