Returning to Church after an Extended Absence

[Bonnie707]

I graduated from college and moved halfway across the country for a job offer in 2010. I settled into the area quite well. Which is surprising for me since I've always had a difficult time making friends. A lot of the problem has to do with my anxiety and depression issues. I've spent time in college on anti-depressants and in therapy. I haven't been with either for two years now.


I found a Methodist church and attended regularly. But things started to go downhill with my job. It turned out to be a field of work I don't enjoy and it's very stressful. And I don't have a good record with stress. Things started getting really bad about a year ago. When I'm not feeling well I tend to withdraw from people even more than usual. So I stopped going to church less and less. Which in fact I should have been turning to church more often in time of need....


I need to have a stronger presence of Christ in my life. And I want to go back to church. But I feel awkward returning to this particular church. The people are great. I even made some friends in the Young Adults group. But I feel like I wronged them. I don't tell anyone (in person) about my bouts with depression. So no one from church knew that I have these issues. I could have explained I was going through a tough time and not to take my withdrawn behavior personally. Instead I just lost touch with everyone abruptly.


I went back to church in November. I saw a couple of my friends. They told me they didn't realize I was still in the area though I had moved away. I didn't have a good response for the reunion and I felt embarrassed. I haven't been back since.

Do you think I should attend this church again or find a different church? What should I say? I don't really have a good explanation for my absence. I told my mom how I made things worse and that it's now tough for me to return. My mom even told me that I should go back and even though it's been awhile they'll be glad to see me again.


Thanks for your suggestions or advice!

 

[Albion]

I graduated from college and moved halfway across the country for a job offer in 2010. I settled into the area quite well. Which is surprising for me since I've always had a difficult time making friends. A lot of the problem has to do with my anxiety and depression issues. I've spent time in college on anti-depressants and in therapy. I haven't been with either for two years now.


I found a Methodist church and attended regularly. But things started to go downhill with my job. It turned out to be a field of work I don't enjoy and it's very stressful. And I don't have a good record with stress. Things started getting really bad about a year ago. When I'm not feeling well I tend to withdraw from people even more than usual. So I stopped going to church less and less. Which in fact I should have been turning to church more often in time of need....


I need to have a stronger presence of Christ in my life. And I want to go back to church. But I feel awkward returning to this particular church. The people are great. I even made some friends in the Young Adults group. But I feel like I wronged them. I don't tell anyone (in person) about my bouts with depression. So no one from church knew that I have these issues. I could have explained I was going through a tough time and not to take my withdrawn behavior personally. Instead I just lost touch with everyone abruptly.


I went back to church in November. I saw a couple of my friends. They told me they didn't realize I was still in the area though I had moved away. I didn't have a good response for the reunion and I felt embarrassed. I haven't been back since.

Do you think I should attend this church again or find a different church? What should I say? I don't really have a good explanation for my absence. I told my mom how I made things worse and that it's now tough for me to return. My mom even told me that I should go back and even though it's been awhile they'll be glad to see me again.


Thanks for your suggestions or advice!

You can go either way. If you feel really awkward about your standing with this church and its people, don't hesitate to find a new one. But if you feel you'd be sacrificing something that you like about the Methodist congregation if you were to pull up stakes, do this--go back, don't apologize about anything. It sounds like they weren't thinking ill of you for not being around recently, so if you return and anyone asks, just say that you'd been through some tough times but now you are back and glad to be with them again; and that's all you need to do.

 

[americanvet]

Your church should be like your family. Granted we are closer to some than others. If you go back your absence we be brought up. This should be done lovingly. If you choose another church at some point your past will be talked about as you grow in Christ. Not because people are being mean or anything, but from my experience you will be the one to bring it up.

The bottom line is we all need to belong to a community of believers. If you have real friends at your old church and love the church I would suggest going to it and renewing your relationships there.

 

[Bonnie707]

You can go either way. If you feel really awkward about your standing with this church and its people, don't hesitate to find a new one. But if you feel you'd be sacrificing something that you like about the Methodist congregation if you were to pull up stakes, do this--go back, don't apologize about anything. It sounds like they weren't thinking ill of you for not being around recently, so if you return and anyone asks, just say that you'd been through some tough times but now you are back and glad to be with them again; and that's all you need to do.

Hi Albion and thank you for your reply. I do feel awkward about going back to this particular church. But I was also nervous about going my very first Sunday as well. I almost psyched myself out of going when I first got to town. It might be a similar feeling but I'm willing to try it again. Although I couldn't bring myself to go yesterday morning since I was still feeling insecure about returning. If and hopefully when I return I'll keep my explanation of my absence brief. Thanks again!

Your church should be like your family. Granted we are closer to some than others. If you go back your absence we be brought up. This should be done lovingly. If you choose another church at some point your past will be talked about as you grow in Christ. Not because people are being mean or anything, but from my experience you will be the one to bring it up.

The bottom line is we all need to belong to a community of believers. If you have real friends at your old church and love the church I would suggest going to it and renewing your relationships there.

Thanks americanvet for your reply. I want to get close to other congregation members. But I do have a difficulty of getting to know people so it is tough for me. From what I've seen these are good people. I've enjoyed spending time with the people in the Young Adults group but have recently let my problems keep me away from their social events. It will be tough to return but I'm willing to try it again. I just need to build up my confidence and decide I'm going to show up Sunday morning. Thanks again!

 

[Bonnie707]

Sorry double post

 

[Root of Jesse]

I agree with what's been said here about Church being part of your family, but consider this: Why not go to church on Sunday to worship God? That should be the primary purpose, don't you think? Go, worship God, always go for this purpose, and the rest will follow.
God knows you and doesn't mind that you're not perfect.

 

[Look Up]

... I feel like I wronged them. I don't tell anyone (in person) about my bouts with depression. So no one from church knew that I have these issues. I could have explained I was going through a tough time and not to take my withdrawn behavior personally. Instead I just lost touch with everyone abruptly.

Although noting first that I may be misreading you, yet the above seems to imply you feel as if you have wronged your past church friends because you "dropped out" of meetings without explanation--or something like that.

If that is the case, the same persons you feel you have wronged may be entirely unaware of any feelings on their parts that they were wronged by you, in which case, if my inference is accurate, any confession of yours to the effect that you have wronged them, while no doubt requiring extraordinary courage on your part, would probably seem strange or pointless on their part, especially if they little understand the history of your emotional and practical struggles.

What might be better would be to talk to a trusted and wise leader at the church, if you feel one is available there.

Otherwise I think Root of Jesse is correct that consideration of your duty to worship God (and be a friend to others) will impel church attendance and a better way for you.

This is not to say your emotions are invalid or that they will evaporate, but only that focus on your duty at church is the right thing to do, and may help moderate your emotions in some respects. In addition to that, again it might be best if you could find a wise--perhaps professional--counselor and prayer partner, whether at the church or elsewhere.

One of the things you may want to ask the counselor is how best to approach your past friends upon renewing your acquaintances. Your church friends may not all need to know every detail about you, and may not all be able or willing to handle your whole story, though with one or a few you might go deeper over time. Everybody has his or her own issues and burdens and perspectives. Try to receive encouragement from the sermon, Scriptures, and a few closer friends, while also reaching out to others and trying to help them with their problems and interests. Over time you may find those who share something in common with you, and you can share your story more with them. At least that is one way to pave a two way street.