restraining order

[Tenebrae]

I dont know your situation, I do know that restraining orders are generally only put into place because of severe concerns re safety


What in your life do you need to deal with so that one day you may be able to apply to have the restraining order lifted? EG

- Drinking
- Drugs
- Anger/violence

I understand that it must be horribe to been seperated form your kids, I would say do what you have to do to get to be able to see them again.

My dad died, still drinking, and drug taking, and never got the chance to reconnect with his kids and grandkids. Dont make the same mistake he did.

yes darkhorse I am painfully aware of that and it kills me because the only thing that matters to me in this life is my kids and being kept from them is torture. the only thing ive ever been proud of in my life is being a dad, and now I know I have been a horrible example and I feel shameful. xtx I am not allowed to contact them in anyway. I was sending them letters but that was cut off too. I hate it.

 

[bhsmte]

yes darkhorse I am painfully aware of that and it kills me because the only thing that matters to me in this life is my kids and being kept from them is torture. the only thing ive ever been proud of in my life is being a dad, and now I know I have been a horrible example and I feel shameful. xtx I am not allowed to contact them in anyway. I was sending them letters but that was cut off too. I hate it.

It appears as though you admit to some issues, so I am going to assume the restraining order was called for, but correct me if I am wrong.

Are you currently divorced or are you separated? If you are divorced, you must have had a visitation schedule in place where you could see your kids. When the court approved of the restraining order, did they give you any guidance of what you would have to do to have the restraining order lifted (such as seek counseling, etc.)?

 

[Dan the Man]

thank you tenebrae and bhsmete. yes my thing is the anger and violence unfortunately. something I have had a very hard time controlling. I am sorry that happened with your dad. that has to be a hard thing to stomach. I am divorced and for a short time there was a visitation schedule but I was in a nursing home full time recovering from some injuries so I never got to see them much anyway. then something happened between me and their mother and she got the restraining order. there are conditions I must meet to someday hopefully have it lifted but I am far from being able to adhere to them unfortunately. I have to get right with myseof and until I do that I cant begin to do what I need to do in order to see my boys again. I just miss them so bad though.

 

[PrudenceAnn]

Dan the man,

My prayers are with you, brother. I can't even begin to relate to your situation, I am so blessed as to have never experienced war first hand. You certainly have love and prayers from this side of the Atlantic. Bless you for trusting us enough to share your experiences with us here. I pray that the suffering you currently experience might be lifted from your soul. Don't forget that God is Grace, and Patience and infinite Love. He is Power and Light and Glory... And is with us even when we feel forsaken, or unworthy of Him.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

yes I did put something before them. work. and it is the stupidest decision ive ever made in my life. all of the horrible things in my life have been caused by that stupid job and things can never be the same again. I thought I was being a responsible husband and father but really I was just tearing my family to shreds and killing people. I have resigned to the fact that I will never see my kids again. I am done being delusional and feeling sorry for myself. it just is what it is.

Since when does working to much cause a restraining order?

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I dont know your situation, I do know that restraining orders are generally only put into place because of severe concerns re safety


What in your life do you need to deal with so that one day you may be able to apply to have the restraining order lifted? EG

- Drinking
- Drugs
- Anger/violence

Something like this would make more sense.

 

[Dan the Man]

working too much didn't cause a restrinig order. but work was at the root of everything that caused it.
thank you prudenceann. please if you can just pray for my boys.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

working too much didn't cause a restrinig order. but work was at the root of everything that caused it.
thank you prudenceann. please if you can just pray for my boys.

you know, I suffers from depression.

I think any kind of mental health issues could cause distorted thinking.

if you want to get your life back together, you really have to get this under control

I know you don't feel like taking meds is going help, but then again, when I don't feel well, I start to not think clearly in midst of it, it is usually I become well again, I look back and go ah

anyway, you want to see your life get back on track, and me and many others here want to see the same

if it OK with you, do you mind if I put in a prayer request on the prayer forum for you for both your health, your family and everything else?

it couldn't hurt, right?

 

[Dan the Man]

yesi would appreciate your prayers for my boys traveler. thank you.

 

[Dan the Man]

please keep praying for me to get to see my boys. thank you.

 

[Karinda]

Dan - I'm gonna give you a little bit of tough love here, so bear with me. OK? You said "the only thing that matters to me in this life is my kids", but in the same breath, you admit to being "a horrible example" to them. I don't know your whole story, but if you admit to being a horrible example, and there's a restraining order in place, you've possibly done some pretty rotten things. That means that, at least to some degree, in the past, something DID matter to you more than your kids. Because for whatever reason, in those horrible moments, you chose behaviors that would eventually lead to this separation from your children. The first step in getting back on the right path to the being the father you need to be, is admitting the truth. And you need to admit that you did let something else come before your kids, and you need to look that truth in the face and not hide from it.

The second thing I wanted to say is that you should NOT be idle as a father during this time. Even if the court has ordered you to not contact your children, you CAN be doing things as a father right now. You can be praying for them, morning, noon, and night. You can be writing letters to them (keep them until you're legally allowed to share them). You can be keeing a journal of everything you want to say them throughout the day - again, to be shared with them once you're able to see them again.

As someone else said, the most important thing you can do right now is get closer to God. Self pity and despair will do you no good right now, and certainly won't benefit your children. When the day comes that you're allowed to contact them again, do you want them to find their father depressed, bitter, and miserable? Or do you want them to find their father confident, strong, and trustworthy? Now is the time to become the father you want them to have. Don't wait for tomorrow.

I second this. Well said, Inkachu. That being said, I hope you can overcome whatever it is that is keeping you from your children and that you will see them again someday soon.

 

[bobross]

Karinda,

Unfortunately the OP is no longer with us

 

[Karinda]

Karinda,

Unfortunately the OP is no longer with us

Oh. Did he quit the site? I will continue my prayers.

 

[Inkachu]

.

 

[Inkachu]

Oh. Did he quit the site? I will continue my prayers.

He committed suicide.


Beyond heartbreaking. I can't fathom the horrible burden this will be on his children.

 

[bobross]

Oh. Did he quit the site? I will continue my prayers.

Please tell me he didn't die...

Yes he committed suicide on February 25, confirmed by staff.

 

[bobross]

There are a couple/few threads in the Mature Singles section for him. Pretty sad.

 

[bobross]

It sounds like you did all you could to give him good advice here. God bless.

 

[Karinda]

He committed suicide.


Beyond heartbreaking. I can't fathom the horrible burden this will be on his children.

There are a couple/few threads in the Mature Singles section for him. Pretty sad.

Oh my goodness that is so horrible. Why would he leave his sweet babies behind?? I'm so sad

 

[ProudMomxmany]

The OP, from what I understand, took his own life a little bit ago. Can the mods please close this thread?