Resolving little issues...

[Luther073082]

Thanks for the response...i appreciate it. as for the counseling, we arent that far along to go into that, plus i think that it will be difficult to find someones who he would take advice from (hes anti emotion and all reason). i think that im done with this forum and this site though...my bf found out about the posts and is upset by them bc he doesnt want his online reputation to be ruined. i was writing to try to get advice bc i am not the most experienced person when it comes to relationships and didnt intend for it to look bad on him in any way... but anyways, he isnt too pleased about it....so to prevent this being traced back to him, he is no longer my cf friend and is now "single" when hes online...this site is just going to remind me of it and its already very hurtful... so im done... God bless and thanks again, you guys really are a blessing!

A wise professor once told me that the way to tell if something is wrong or not is if you would want that published in a newspaper.

When you've done something wrong I can understand not wanting everyone to know about it. But when you belive what you are doing is right and don't want anyone to know about it, then there is a problem.

I don't know who this guy is and quite frankly I'm don't particularly care. Not knowing lets me approach it more logically with no emotional ties to the situation. (It would change if I knew the guy)

There is a huge rat here, he's disowning you, trying to disown his own actions that he thinks are right and puposefully trying to hide things from you. I find his treatment of you to be disrespectful and suspicious AT THE LEAST.

And I am concerned about your self respect and self worth as long as you stay in a relationship like this.

I see no positive outcomes and many very negative outcomes. This can only get worse.

 

[Luther073082]

BTW this thread is mistitled because these are big issues.

Little issues are where you are going to eat on your date. Who's concert you are going to go see.

Not one person trying to disown and keep everything secret from their partner. Thats a big issue.

 

[Blank123]

For your relationship, how do you resolve little issues?

My bf and i have very different ideas on which person should give in to the others request...if we come to an issue where one person wants to do something (and by this i DO NOT mean anything that the person is morally objecting to)and the other doesnt, how do you resolve it?

does the person who doesnt want to do the thing do it bc they know that the other person will be happy as a result?

or does the person asking just drop the issue so that the other person doesnt have to do something that they dont want to do?

I have been raised to do the first...and this goes beyond just a relationship, but to interacting with family and other people as well. im having a hard time seeing the other one leading to a good relationship bc it seems like it will lead to more time spent apart and more distance emotionally...and also because of the fact that every healthy relationship that i have seen goes by the first for the majority of things. Any successful examples of the second type working?

when that happens i usually just go with the flow.. we spend so little time together there's no point in trying to force something to happen he doesn't want so we usually wind up doing what he wants when there's a question.


fortunately we're usually in agreement about what we wanna do though.

 

[Blank123]

wow... okay i just read the rest of the thread and I gotta be honest... something sounds *very* off about the way he's acting with you. If he cherishes you and your relationship there shouldn't be any reason for him to treat it like a dirty secret. And thats exactly what it sounds like he's doing with you.

And to be honest... it bothers me that he's more concerned about his "online reputation" than about you or your relationship. This thread should be a wake-up call to him and IMHO he has no right to be offended by your honesty here.

I think I pretty much agree with Luther in his posts here esp this one:

I think his secrecy is a lot bigger of a deal then you are letting it be. I really would suggest you look past yoru initial reactions and try to figure out whats going on here.

Listen you are emotionally tied to this, and we arn't. Because of that we can give you a much more logical look at things. And I'm smelling a rat of some type.

1. For some reason he seems to not want anyone to know he's with you. Refusing to change the facebook status. Not taking any pictures with you.

2. There is SOMETHING on his computer he doesn't want you to see.

Now I want to note that this does not necessarily have to be anything bad. It could be just that he has financial information on there that he doesn't want you to see. But it still begs a lot of questions.

I'm smelling a rat to be bluntly honest.