Resisting evil

jameshjr · May 18, 2022

Hello all, I hope that you are well,

I'm used to being disrespected, and have gotten pretty good at ignoring insults- or not retaliating to them.

However, yesterday, at work, a horrible young woman was doing her best to sabotage, slander and upset me.

This culminated in her asking me to do something (shouting to me from another room) which I said I would do.

Thirty seconds later she gets up, stomps past me and says, not to me, but loud enough for me to hear in a sarcastic, disrespectful tone , "you eat your sandwich, I'll do it" (I was eating at the time).

This was a step too far for me and I resolved to 'have her' on her behaviour.

When she was back, I told her that I thought that she had a bad attitude. To which she replied, " why" then immediately back peddled on what she had said, and tried to change the meaning of what she said, then, without me being able to say anything, she got upset and began talking about her ADHD and her autism. She then said she didn't want to have an argument with me and left.

With some perspective, I have been thinking about Matthew 5, specifically where it says to not resist evil.

I wanted to get some opinions as to when you put your foot down with unsaved people who treat you badly. And are you striving to be more and more tolerant of being persecuted and ill-treated?

Thanks,

God bless,

James

childeye 2 · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
Hello all, I hope that you are well,

I'm used to being disrespected, and have gotten pretty good at ignoring insults- or not retaliating to them.

However, yesterday, at work, a horrible young woman was doing her best to sabotage, slander and upset me.

This culminated in her asking me to do something (shouting to me from another room) which I said I would do.

Thirty seconds later she gets up, stomps past me and says, not to me, but loud enough for me to hear in a sarcastic, disrespectful tone , "you eat your sandwich, I'll do it" (I was eating at the time).

This was a step too far for me and I resolved to 'have her' on her behaviour.

When she was back, I told her that I thought that she had a bad attitude. To which she replied, " why" then immediately back peddled on what she had said, and tried to change the meaning of what she said, then, without me being able to say anything, she got upset and began talking about her ADHD and her autism. She then said she didn't want to have an argument with me and left.

With some perspective, I have been thinking about Matthew 5, specifically where it says to not resist evil.

I wanted to get some opinions as to when you put your foot down with unsaved people who treat you badly. And are you striving to be more and more tolerant of being persecuted and ill-treated?

Thanks,

God bless,

James

I can remember there were times in my past where the devil was in the air and I didn't handle it well. Afterwards I felt ashamed in my response because Christ bore so much sin on his cross and I had caved at the smallest insult.

Nowadays I wish someone would insult me so I can feel relevant. My advice is don't expect respect. One has to earn respect particularly when dealing with disrespectful people, because respect is something that is earned and lost, and we should respect that.

timf · May 18, 2022

Consider some possibilities in communication;

1. Information necessary to complete a task.
2. Curious inquiry
3. Encouragement
4. Correction
5. To express emotional frustration.
6. To ask for help.
7. To provoke, accuse, or attack.

In consider of the exchange you cite, it may have been better to have agreed as to when the request would be done at the initial time.

For future reference you can file away that this person feels free to express their frustration sarcastically and publicly so that it may be best to avoid future contact.

If you are unable to avoid future contact, you may have to negotiate. Since she denies a wrongful act when confronted with an accusation, it might be more productive with a request that she apologizes for such behavior in the future. This might have a better chance of not pushing her into a defensive posture.

jameshjr · May 18, 2022

childeye 2 said:
I can remember there were times in my past where the devil was in the air and I didn't handle it well. Afterwards I felt ashamed in my response because Christ bore so much sin on his cross and I had caved at the smallest insult.

Nowadays I wish someone would insult me so I can feel relevant. One has to earn respect when dealing with disrespectful people, because respect is something that is earned and lost, and we should respect that.

It is difficult because I can see what is happening in my work place and how 'they' are working against me.

I remember that the Lord teaches not to worry. Sometimes it is hard.

I would think that to earn their respect I would have to stand up for myself, but I am not sure that Jesus teachings in Matthew 5 allow this; therefore I should get comfortable with being disrespected?

jameshjr · May 18, 2022

timf said:
Consider some possibilities in communication;

1. Information necessary to complete a task.
2. Curious inquiry
3. Encouragement
4. Correction
5. To express emotional frustration.
6. To ask for help.
7. To provoke, accuse, or attack.

In consider of the exchange you cite, it may have been better to have agreed as to when the request would be done at the initial time.

For future reference you can file away that this person feels free to express their frustration sarcastically and publicly so that it may be best to avoid future contact.

If you are unable to avoid future contact, you may have to negotiate. Since she denies a wrongful act when confronted with an accusation, it might be more productive with a request that she apologizes for such behavior in the future. This might have a better chance of not pushing her into a defensive posture.

To be honest, from how she has treated and treats me, it has left me with the disposition of talking to her as little as I possibly can.

I need to forgive her, pray for her, and bless her.

I would not want an apology; this is something we are taught to expect. I need to learn to handle it better.

I wondered if there was a line which we should not let other people cross, and I am not sure if there is one ( other than physical maybe).

Maria Billingsley · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
Hello all, I hope that you are well,

I'm used to being disrespected, and have gotten pretty good at ignoring insults- or not retaliating to them.

However, yesterday, at work, a horrible young woman was doing her best to sabotage, slander and upset me.

This culminated in her asking me to do something (shouting to me from another room) which I said I would do.

Thirty seconds later she gets up, stomps past me and says, not to me, but loud enough for me to hear in a sarcastic, disrespectful tone , "you eat your sandwich, I'll do it" (I was eating at the time).

This was a step too far for me and I resolved to 'have her' on her behaviour.

When she was back, I told her that I thought that she had a bad attitude. To which she replied, " why" then immediately back peddled on what she had said, and tried to change the meaning of what she said, then, without me being able to say anything, she got upset and began talking about her ADHD and her autism. She then said she didn't want to have an argument with me and left.

With some perspective, I have been thinking about Matthew 5, specifically where it says to not resist evil.

I wanted to get some opinions as to when you put your foot down with unsaved people who treat you badly. And are you striving to be more and more tolerant of being persecuted and ill-treated?

Thanks,

God bless,

James

Sounds like she has given you the reason for her behavior. Maybe read a bit about her condition so that you can help her or at the very least be more understanding and not take it personally. Blessings.
6 Common Causes of Anger For Those with Autism | Pasadena Villa.

jameshjr · May 18, 2022

Maria Billingsley said:
Sounds like she has given you the reason for her behavior. Maybe read a bit about her condition so that you can help her or at the very least be more understanding and not take it personally. Blessings.
6 Common Causes of Anger For Those with Autism | Pasadena Villa.

I disagree. ADHD and autism are not in the bible and if they were not valid then, then i do not think they are valid today.

She uses them as excuses to behave badly and avoid any consequences for her behaviour

childeye 2 · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
It is difficult because I can see what is happening in my work place and how 'they' are working against me.

Do you think this thought comes from God or the devil? Same question, is it grace or cynicism?

I would think that to earn their respect I would have to stand up for myself, but I am not sure that Jesus teachings in Matthew 5 allow this; therefore I should get comfortable with being disrespected?

I can only speak about my experiences. Sometimes people may seem disrespectful but they are in some pain that I don't know about. I'm reluctant to just start throwing out advice not knowing the details of your situation. But to me, from what I hear you saying, you don't just need to get comfortable with being disrespected, you need to wish you were.

If that sounds silly, let me say it this way. You need to relish being given the chance to earn someones' respect everyday, and for that to happen you need to find someone who doesn't respect you. Otherwise Satan can play you like a fiddle. Scriptures like count it all joy are helpful. You need to count it all joy.

jameshjr · May 18, 2022

To your first question it is possible that the devil is exaggerating the threat of what is happening in my mind; but her work is from the devil: she is working to turn the other staff members against me by slandering me.

Of course, God allows all things to happen , so ultimately it is for good- even though it doesnt feel that way at the moment.

This young woman is definitely in the most pain out of all the staff I work with, and therefore it is the reason she is spearheading the attack on my character.

I agree with your comments that I am to count it all joy when I am disrespected.

However, I am a little confused as it sounds like you are suggesting that I am to aim to get their respect?

If so, how do you think someone should do that biblically?

JuliusSneezer · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
Hello all, I hope that you are well,

I'm used to being disrespected, and have gotten pretty good at ignoring insults- or not retaliating to them.

However, yesterday, at work, a horrible young woman was doing her best to sabotage, slander and upset me.

This culminated in her asking me to do something (shouting to me from another room) which I said I would do.

Thirty seconds later she gets up, stomps past me and says, not to me, but loud enough for me to hear in a sarcastic, disrespectful tone , "you eat your sandwich, I'll do it" (I was eating at the time).

This was a step too far for me and I resolved to 'have her' on her behaviour.

When she was back, I told her that I thought that she had a bad attitude. To which she replied, " why" then immediately back peddled on what she had said, and tried to change the meaning of what she said, then, without me being able to say anything, she got upset and began talking about her ADHD and her autism. She then said she didn't want to have an argument with me and left.

With some perspective, I have been thinking about Matthew 5, specifically where it says to not resist evil.

I wanted to get some opinions as to when you put your foot down with unsaved people who treat you badly. And are you striving to be more and more tolerant of being persecuted and ill-treated?

Thanks,

God bless,

James

There's always at least one, isn't there? One person who can push all our buttons. Been there and it is no fun.

While it can be difficult to process things logically when tempers flare, remember that we wrestle not against flesh and blood. Your problem is not this woman, but rather the forces behind her. While I definitely agree that limiting your contact with this woman is the best policy, there are some times this is simply not possible.

If you're looking to place your focus somewhere, I would suggest keeping your emotions in check. Way easier said than done. But I've never not said something and regretted it, but I have let my emotions get the better of me when being disrespected and it has never worked out in my favor. Not once.

When you speak of "having her" on her behavior, ask yourself why you are doing so. Is it to confront an issue, or to push back on someone who has pushed your buttons?

One final thing that I will suggest is to approach this situation much in the same way a parent would an unruly child. The parent must keep their calm and wits about them because the impulsive child cannot. Do not belittle her or be sarcastic, but do not allow this woman, or the forces in this world, to decide how you will react. Remember, a man who has no control over his spirit is like a city with broken down walls. (Proverbs 25:28) A city with no defenses is ripe for attacks. If the issue isn't her, it will be something or someone else. You decide where your limits are. Even if it does not seem so, God has set this woman directly in your path for your own benefit.

Good luck. I hope you find your answers.

Hazelelponi · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
It is difficult because I can see what is happening in my work place and how 'they' are working against me.

I remember that the Lord teaches not to worry. Sometimes it is hard.

I would think that to earn their respect I would have to stand up for myself, but I am not sure that Jesus teachings in Matthew 5 allow this; therefore I should get comfortable with being disrespected?

You don't have to "stand up for yourself". Generally, actions speak louder than words ever could.

I once had a coworker who was jealous of the amount of respect, responsibility and trust the owner of the business has for me.

People like that will always try and stab you in the back so he would go to the boss and say I was stealing blah blah blah... But my honesty, my excellence at my job spoke for me. I never had to verbally defend myself.

Think I'm stealing? Check the sales and shipping records against the bank deposits etc etc. Think I'm not working hard shadow me for a few days...

It bothered me to some degree but I just did me and did my job the way I was hired to and eventually they ran out of steam and shut their mouth.

If she's talking down to you personally you can always file a complaint with your manager, but sometimes that sort of thing can backfire... It's 50/50 on that.

I'd say best bet just do you and do your job to the best of your ability and only speak to a manager if the situation is just too toxic for you to deal with. Otherwise, just ignore and do you.

But any kind of verbal altercation with a fellow coworker is off limits for the workplace. Regardless. People like that are see through anyway... It's not like it's not obvious to all.

childeye 2 · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
To your first question it is possible that the devil is exaggerating the threat of what is happening in my mind; but her work is from the devil: she is working to turn the other staff members against me by slandering me.

This sounds right. The devil uses semantics in our thoughts to form a wedge and work both ends against the middle.

Of course, God allows all things to happen , so ultimately it is for good- even though it doesnt feel that way at the moment.

This young woman is definitely in the most pain out of all the staff I work with, and therefore it is the reason she is spearheading the attack on my character.

Sounds like the devil is trying to break her if she is in the most pain. I would be wary of not becoming Satan's intrument here.

I agree with your comments that I am to count it all joy when I am disrespected.

However, I am a little confused as it sounds like you are suggesting that I am to aim to get their respect?

If so, how do you think someone should do that biblically?

It's all in love others as you would want to be loved. Return good for evil. It's what that good should look like that is sometimes difficult. Sometimes you need to stand frim and sometimes you need to be open to change. You first need to care about the welfare of this young woman despite how she treats you. And your other staff members need to see this displayed in your words and actions when dealing and speaking about her or to her. Doing this sincerely out of love will earn the respect of others.

How I was raised, I had been taught to respect others without question. Looking back on it, it was more about me looking like a respectful person rather than actually having any respect. So with that impression of what the term respect meant that I had learned, I'd find myself personally offended if someone didn't show me the proper respect right up front, which made me disrespect them. The fact is true respect is earned and lost and should not be expected, otherwise it's patronizing. So now I relish the chance to earn someone's respect, out of a sincere respect for them.

jameshjr · May 18, 2022

Sounds like the devil is trying to break her if she is in the most pain. I would be wary of not becoming Satan's intrument here.

I have been reading what Paul says in epehsians about the armour of God: specifically the sword of the spirit. I have been trying to figure out when we are to use it. Because there is a seeming contradiction between Jesus telling us to turn the other cheek and Paul's teaching in Ephesians 6. I am trying to reconcile the two and discern when each of the teachings is applicable. I.e. there is an offensive weapon in the armour of God that we are told to put on.

I can relate to your experience of being taught to respect or at least act respectfully to everyone.

I now know that we are all made in God's image and therefore everyone is deserving of respect.

However, people do behave in ways that I disagree with, but I try to keep that separate from who/what they really are.

I guess that I do struggle when I am disrespected and I need to make efforts on this.

However, as you say, it is to be done by loving her; even though the world views this as a weak response worthy of disrespect , it is in fact the act that is most worthy of respect.

Click to expand...

childeye 2 · May 18, 2022

childeye 2 · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
I have been reading what Paul says in epehsians about the armour of God: specifically the sword of the spirit. I have been trying to figure out when we are to use it. Because there is a seeming contradiction between Jesus telling us to turn the other cheek and Paul's teaching in Ephesians 6. I am trying to reconcile the two and discern when each of the teachings is applicable. I.e. there is an offensive weapon in the armour of God that we are told to put on.

I now know that we are all made in God's image and therefore everyone is deserving of respect.

However, people do behave in ways that I disagree with, but I try to keep that separate from who/what they really are.

No matter who I meet, I believe I'd be just like someone else if I were born in their shoes. And this is how I love others as I would want to be loved, by seeing others as myself born in different shoes. If I needed correction, I would want someone to love me enough to correct me. But I wouldn't want to be treated like I'm stupid or dumb.

I guess that I do struggle when I am disrespected and I need to make efforts on this.

It's not wrong to be bothered and sincerely care about what people think of you. In the purity of this spirit, you can always ask someone if you've done something to earn their disrespect, and in doing so you will earn respect.

However, as you say, it is to be done by loving her; even though the world views this as a weak response worthy of disrespect , it is in fact the act that is most worthy of respect.

The sword in the armor of God is the word of God. The exchange below is YOU wielding your sword against the god of this world.

The god of this world says: "This is a weak response worthy of disrespect".
And you countered with your sword saying: "It is in fact the act that is most worthy of respect".
In this battle over your convictions, you defeated the enemy.

1 John 4:4
Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.

jameshjr · May 18, 2022

I believe I'd be just like someone else if I were born in their shoes. And this is how I love others as I would want to be loved, by seeing others a myself. If I needed correction, I would want someone to love me enough to correct me. But I wouldn't want to be treated like I'm stupid or dumb.[/QUOTE]

I agree and I would also hope someone would correct me, when I am wrong.

So the question for me is: how and when is it okay to correct another person, specifically an unsaved person?

The young lady in question is in serious need of correction, but will be the one whom would get the most upset by it.

The point I am at with Ephesians 6 is that, true there is more defensive armour than offensive, and logically, we should defend against the attacks of the enemy (delivered via people) primarily, but we are also given the sword of the word, so logically we are supposed to use it every now and then when we think it is necessary.

[/QUOTE] The sword in the armor of God is The word of God. The exchange below is YOU wielding the sword against the god of this world.

The god of this world says: "This is a weak response worthy of disrespect".
And you countered with your sword saying: "It is in fact the act that is most worthy of respect". [/QUOTE]

I like this, but do you think that we are ever allowed to use the sword of the word to strike other people when they are persecuting us?

jameshjr · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
I believe I'd be just like someone else if I were born in their shoes. And this is how I love others as I would want to be loved, by seeing others a myself. If I needed correction, I would want someone to love me enough to correct me. But I wouldn't want to be treated like I'm stupid or dumb.

Firstly, thank you for you continued help with this problem.

I agree and I would also hope someone would correct me, when I am wrong.

So the question for me is: how and when is it okay to correct another person, specifically an unsaved person?

The young lady in question is in serious need of correction, but will be the one whom would get the most upset by it.

The point I am at with Ephesians 6 is that, true there is more defensive armour than offensive, and logically, we should defend against the attacks of the enemy (delivered via people) primarily, but we are also given the sword of the word, so logically we are supposed to use it every now and then when we think it is necessary.

[/QUOTE] The sword in the armor of God is The word of God. The exchange below is YOU wielding the sword against the god of this world.

The god of this world says: "This is a weak response worthy of disrespect".
And you countered with your sword saying: "It is in fact the act that is most worthy of respect". [/QUOTE]

I like this, but do you think that we are ever allowed to use the sword of the word to strike other people when they are persecuting us?

P.S. I certainly don't intend to make anyone feel stupid!

Joined2krist · May 18, 2022

Ignore the insult and pray for her.

Halbhh · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
Hello all, I hope that you are well,

I'm used to being disrespected, and have gotten pretty good at ignoring insults- or not retaliating to them.

However, yesterday, at work, a horrible young woman was doing her best to sabotage, slander and upset me.

This culminated in her asking me to do something (shouting to me from another room) which I said I would do.

Thirty seconds later she gets up, stomps past me and says, not to me, but loud enough for me to hear in a sarcastic, disrespectful tone , "you eat your sandwich, I'll do it" (I was eating at the time).

This was a step too far for me and I resolved to 'have her' on her behaviour.

When she was back, I told her that I thought that she had a bad attitude. To which she replied, " why" then immediately back peddled on what she had said, and tried to change the meaning of what she said, then, without me being able to say anything, she got upset and began talking about her ADHD and her autism. She then said she didn't want to have an argument with me and left.

With some perspective, I have been thinking about Matthew 5, specifically where it says to not resist evil.

I wanted to get some opinions as to when you put your foot down with unsaved people who treat you badly. And are you striving to be more and more tolerant of being persecuted and ill-treated?

Thanks,

God bless,

James

From a lot of experience, I know the best help of all (along with the good points like for example in post 6, where you get it's her own thing, and not about you...).

This -->

What Christ gave us (knowing we would need it) to pray each day -- a prayer for exactly the very aid we most need to help us against evil situations, and more:

Matthew 6:9 Context: Pray like this: 'Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy. (verses 9-13)

I can testify to you this prayer is very powerful for us in exactly these kinds of situations as you just described! I have even had more than just a few times when I had forgotten to pray this prayer or had not yet prayed it, and there was conflict with someone, and then I took a minute (in another room) to pray this prayer, and came back and the conflict was entirely gone.

Like it had never even happened.

It is so...amazing, that you know it's God's doing.

We must, as we read in Mark chapter 11 pray with belief it will be given to us, as Christ said is required. And since this prayer is from Christ Himself, you can have that total belief/faith as you pray it that God will help you.

childeye 2 · May 18, 2022

jameshjr said:
I agree and I would also hope someone would correct me, when I am wrong.

In that case, I think you should reconsider this: "I disagree. ADHD and autism are not in the bible and if they were not valid then, then i do not think they are valid today."

I'm no expert on ADHD or autism, but just because the bible doesn't mention them doesn't mean they don't exist. The bible doesn't mention cancer either. Who knows what todays chemicals and poisons in our water and food does to us all?

"She uses them as excuses to behave badly and avoid any consequences for her behaviour"
You don't know that. Humility requires that you consider that you could be wrong.

So the question for me is: how and when is it okay to correct another person, specifically an unsaved person?

The young lady in question is in serious need of correction, but will be the one whom would get the most upset by it.

It's always okay to correct someone when they're wrong about something. But if it's a bad attitude you can't just say you have a bad attitude and expect them to change. Something is making her feel that way. Sometimes it's something someone is believing that creates their attitude. Sometimes it's something bad happening in their lives. Sometimes it's physical pain. Sometimes it's chemical imbalance, hormonal imbalance. Sometimes they just need more sleep, less bills to pay, etc...

But seriously, I think you need to first look into the autism thing. Don't just dismiss it out of hand. You may not be able to help her.

The point I am at with Ephesians 6 is that, true there is more defensive armour than offensive, and logically, we should defend against the attacks of the enemy (delivered via people) primarily, but we are also given the sword of the word, so logically we are supposed to use it every now and then when we think it is necessary.

do you think that we are ever allowed to use the sword of the word to strike other people when they are persecuting us?

Jesus never reviled against his crucifiers. If we sincerely pray for those who persecute us it does move God.

P.S. I certainly don't intend to make anyone feel stupid!

I believe you.

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