Remarrying after divorce..

[angelbomb101]

I want to hear some thoughts, ideas, concerns, and different points of view on the topic of Christians remarrying after divorce.Specifically towards the example im about to give.

A woman becomes a Christian and is now in a marriage where her partner is unequally yoked. Her husband wants nothing to do with the concept of God and is very angry, resentful, rebellious, demeaning, and just plain emotionally abusive towards his wife because she has become a christian. The marriage/ family is divided and everything turns sour.

The wife trys everything she can to restore her marriage. Nothing changes and in fact the husbands behaviour and attitudes towards herself and God become worse. The woman decides that she can no longer live in such a hurtful situation so she decides to leave him believing and hoping that one day there would be restoration between them. She packs up her things and moves.

While they are seperated, she explains to the husband that she still loves him and only left him because of his behaviour towards her. She also explained that she wanted restoration but the husband told her that he didn't want her back. The husband chooses to not speak to and to avoid his wife as much as possible. A year goes by. The wife approaches her husband again and explains to him that she loves him and wants restoration etc. And the husband again tells her that he doesn't want her back. The woman keeps on praying and hoping and praying and hoping that the barriers will break down and there will be restoration.

After 3 years of this, the man files for a divorce. Do you believe that it would be wrong for the woman to remarry?

 

[angelbomb101]

I can see so many sides to this that it boggles my mind! I just don't know what the right thing to do would be. So many perspectives! BLARG!

Firstly, the woman did nothing wrong. She tried to keep things going and stayed in the relationship as long as she could. She wasn't the person who filed for a divorce, and she did not want to get a divorce but that was the choice of her husband and that was out of her control. In this perspective I see nothing wrong with the woman remarrying. It was the choice of her husband and why should she have to live the rest of her life alone because of his actions?

Secondly, God doesn't like divorce and he does like restoration. Our Lord is the LORD of Restoration! He likes to fix things and heal things and redeem things for his Glroy. BUT can God change peoples minds? I believe God can work on peoples hearts but Can he really violate a mans freedom of choice? If the husband is stubborn and just DOES NOT want to get back with his wife? Then can God really restore the marriage? Or can God only restore that of the willing?
If the man is not willing and is not even close to being willing to change and restore his marriage, than would the wife be crazy to keep praying and keep hoping that there will be a transformation in her husband and that even if there is a transformation in him that he will even want her back? Is there a point where the wife should just move on?

 

[dayhiker]

I'd say the woman can get married, no porblem no sin. 1 Cor.7 say if you marry you haven't sinned.

There is a book by Sherman Nobles called God is a devorce too that is really good about what was going on in Jesus' day and what the verses mean that make it sound like getting married again is wrong.

dayhiker

 

[porterross]

Scripture is clear on this. It's better to let the unbeliever go than to incite anger or prolong misery.

1 Corinthians 7:12-16


But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.
And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

I detest the self-loathing that some would spend their lives in because they have divorced. It is not THE unforgivable sin some would have you believe. If that were true, Jesus died for nothing.

A sin is a sin is a sin and we are all sinners, guilty and worthy of the God's judgement. This is why He sent His Son, folks.

James 2:10

For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Legally you can do it.

If you choose to live your faith would you do it?

 

[HuntingMan]

I want to hear some thoughts, ideas, concerns, and different points of view on the topic of Christians remarrying after divorce.Specifically towards the example im about to give.

A woman becomes a Christian and is now in a marriage where her partner is unequally yoked. Her husband wants nothing to do with the concept of God and is very angry, resentful, rebellious, demeaning, and just plain emotionally abusive towards his wife because she has become a christian. The marriage/ family is divided and everything turns sour.

The wife trys everything she can to restore her marriage. Nothing changes and in fact the husbands behaviour and attitudes towards herself and God become worse. The woman decides that she can no longer live in such a hurtful situation so she decides to leave him believing and hoping that one day there would be restoration between them. She packs up her things and moves.

While they are seperated, she explains to the husband that she still loves him and only left him because of his behaviour towards her. She also explained that she wanted restoration but the husband told her that he didn't want her back. The husband chooses to not speak to and to avoid his wife as much as possible. A year goes by. The wife approaches her husband again and explains to him that she loves him and wants restoration etc. And the husband again tells her that he doesn't want her back. The woman keeps on praying and hoping and praying and hoping that the barriers will break down and there will be restoration.

After 3 years of this, the man files for a divorce. Do you believe that it would be wrong for the woman to remarry?

Since there was no adultery, I can understand why she kept trying to make it work.
In essence what we have here is letting the unbeliever depart (chorizo, same as "put asunder" by Christ) as Paul has instructed for this believer to do.

Given the situtation, she is not in bondage (not a slave, free of a master) and is free to remarry.

Since you are considering remarriage, you should take this to the remarriage subforum honestly, where it is 'safe' to discuss this without all the false doctrines being forced on you.

We have a ton of material on our site that may help you understand the conditional marriage covenant a bit better

 

[wpiman2]

Remarry. That said.

If your religion is becoming a problem in the next marriage, I would recommend backing off. Nothing is worth loosing your marriage over, and if bringing up religion strains the marriage-- don't. God will understand.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

Remarry. That said.

If your religion is becoming a problem in the next marriage, I would recommend backing off. Nothing is worth loosing your marriage over, and if bringing up religion strains the marriage-- don't. God will understand.

? huh?

 

[wpiman2]

? huh?

The marriage is more sacred that your partners soul.

Don't harp on your spouse about their lack of belief. Let it go for the sake of the marriage.

 

[HisdaughterJen]

The marriage is more sacred that your partners soul.

Don't harp on your spouse about their lack of belief. Let it go for the sake of the marriage.

I don't agree...wow, that seems harsh.

 

[wpiman2]

So you are of the opinion that she should hark he husband incessantly about his lack of faith?

 

[dbhost]

Okay, the way I see it. The woman was unequally yoked, and while she removed herself physically from an abusive situation, she remained in the game as it were, and tried to restore her marriage. This was the right thing to do. The unbeliever divorced her anyway. I.E. the unbeliever effectively left the game...

I would go to bat for that woman on the grounds that the unbeliever left and therefore the woman was no longer bound to him.

So yes, I believe that she should be free to remarry if she choses.

 

[HisdaughterJen]

So you are of the opinion that she should hark he husband incessantly about his lack of faith?

Where does it say that she did that 'cause I missed it...?

If that's the case, then no one likes to be preached at or brow-beat by friends or relatives whether they are a Christian or not.

I was questioning whether or not it is Biblical to say that a marriage is more sacred than a person's soul.

 

[wpiman2]

Where does it say that she did that 'cause I missed it...?

If that's the case, then no one likes to be preached at or brow-beat by friends or relatives whether they are a Christian or not.

I was questioning whether or not it is Biblical to say that a marriage is more sacred than a person's soul.

She didn't that is why I asked.

 

[ciaradawn]

I don't think it's wrong to remarry.

 

[Bridgit]

God looks at our heart and He knows our motives. However, if one does not feel comfortable about getting married again, it is best for that person not to do it. The enemy can use that doubt to make that person's life miserable.

 

[HuntingMan]

God looks at our heart and He knows our motives. However, if one does not feel comfortable about getting married again, it is best for that person not to do it. The enemy can use that doubt to make that person's life miserable.

Absolutely.
While remarriage is assumed except where expressly forbidden, we also should do nothing except from faith.

If a person doesnt KNOW that they are ok with remarrying, then they should abstain until they are sure.
Dragging another human being into a marriage that they may very well walk out of, such as one woman I know about, is just outright cruelty.

This man has put his heart into a life covenant with this woman only to be told 'sorry, God doesnt allow me to be married to you' at some later point because she doesnt understand the scriptures enough to know that she was lawfully permitted to remarry.

But...

One of the main tactics of these who destroy marriages is to CAUSE that doubt, then turn around and tell this person that if they have doubts or concerns, then what they're doing is sin.
It's quite detestable to pull this tripe on someone, but there actually are whole website pages out there that do just that.

 

[HuntingMan]

Okay, the way I see it. The woman was unequally yoked, and while she removed herself physically from an abusive situation, she remained in the game as it were, and tried to restore her marriage. This was the right thing to do. The unbeliever divorced her anyway. I.E. the unbeliever effectively left the game...

I would go to bat for that woman on the grounds that the unbeliever left and therefore the woman was no longer bound to him.

So yes, I believe that she should be free to remarry if she choses.

what he said...

 

[triciaro2003]

I want to hear some thoughts, ideas, concerns, and different points of view on the topic of Christians remarrying after divorce.Specifically towards the example im about to give.

A woman becomes a Christian and is now in a marriage where her partner is unequally yoked. Her husband wants nothing to do with the concept of God and is very angry, resentful, rebellious, demeaning, and just plain emotionally abusive towards his wife because she has become a christian. The marriage/ family is divided and everything turns sour.

The wife trys everything she can to restore her marriage. Nothing changes and in fact the husbands behaviour and attitudes towards herself and God become worse. The woman decides that she can no longer live in such a hurtful situation so she decides to leave him believing and hoping that one day there would be restoration between them. She packs up her things and moves.

While they are seperated, she explains to the husband that she still loves him and only left him because of his behaviour towards her. She also explained that she wanted restoration but the husband told her that he didn't want her back. The husband chooses to not speak to and to avoid his wife as much as possible. A year goes by. The wife approaches her husband again and explains to him that she loves him and wants restoration etc. And the husband again tells her that he doesn't want her back. The woman keeps on praying and hoping and praying and hoping that the barriers will break down and there will be restoration.

After 3 years of this, the man files for a divorce. Do you believe that it would be wrong for the woman to remarry?

The response of the world would be yes and even I want to tell you yes but the words of God in
1 Corinthians Chapter 7
and also in the book of Mathew tells us if a man divorces his wife she must remain alone.
It repeats this throughout the Bible.

I believe there is wisdom in it although it may be hard to understand if you are lonely.

I am also divorced and after 9 years of separation I am considering taking my husband back after becoming closer to the Lord.

It may not be God's calling for you to be a married woman and he may have something else in mind or even your husband could have an awakening like mine after many years and beg for you to come back.

I hope things will be ok for you. Trust in the Lord and follow his scripture.
If your still unsure fasting and prayer is recomended throughout the Bible for guidence and relief from problems.

God Bless you

 

[eatenbylocusts]

The one thing that I want to comment on is the leaving part. Everything that I've heard from therapists is that separation rarely helps; it usually draws out the pain over a longer period. I found that was what happened to me. My ex refused to go to counseling until I was about to deliver our second child.

Safety is important though and I understand remaining separated just for the sake of remaining married, but unable to safely live with someone. I thought I might just make the separation legal because even though there was physical evidence of adultery, I still didn't have it from his lips, which I really wanted. When he asked my best friend out on a date I felt released.

And marriage is a serious issue and tears lives apart, sadly this includes innocent children. Even with that, I see re-marriage being called all kinds of sin. Sin is sin. Even divorced people get forgiveness. I used to be very judgmental about all kinds of issues. All churches should take an important role in preparing folks for marriage. Effective pre-marital classes should be a pre-requisite for marriage. The time to prevent divorce starts before the marriage. Marriage should be supported in the church with classes and accountability groups for men and women-childcare so couples can act like couples for a few hours every week. After the divorce is not the time for condemnation-unless reconciliation is an option.

People who have never been verbally abused by a spouse with personality/mental issues just don't understand how damaging it is to the spouse and kids. I know God did not want me or my kids to be treated the way they were being treated. And even though my ex most likely cheated on me, even without that I don't feel that God would've called me to remain single and have my kids grow up without a father figure. My sin was dating unbelievers and not listening to advice from other married people, not removing myself and my son from a poison environment.