Remarried??

[RichardsonMommy5]

I was married for 7 years. We have 5 children together. We've been divorced for 10 years, and I just found out he got remarried last month. (I should mention that our relationship has not been the "typical" divorced couple's relationship.) He is a sociopath; and I shouldn't be bothered that he got remarried, but I am....I'm having a real hard time with it. It makes me feel awful, even though I know he's an awful person. I don't want to be with him, so why I am so upset by this news?? If I can't stand him, why is my heart broken? It doesn't make a lot of sense. Any thoughts?

 

[Grafted In]

In any divorce there is a tearing of flesh because , as the word of God says "the two shall become one flesh". There cannot be a tearing of the flesh without pain and heart ache.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Richardsonmommy5, welcome to CF.

Ya, sounds like something in your heart was still judging that you were connected to him.
If it was a few months, I'd say stay single and work on healing yourself.
But since its been 10 yrs. I think its time to look for other relationships ... maybe you have ...

Maybe your sad that another woman will be going thru what you want thru!

 

[RichardsonMommy5]

Thank you both for your replies.

BTW- I do NOT believe in divorce. I did everything possible to prevent it. However, he was openly committing adultery and refused to leave the other woman. He was also abusive to our children, and wouldn't get help. After he had been with the other woman for 6 months and was refusing to provide financially for his children, I filed for a divorce (for the 2nd time!)

I suppose I should explain what the past 10 years have entailed, so you have a better picture....In a nutshell, he had supervised visitation (I was the superviser) and we continued to act as a family in many ways. He would spend holidays with us, birthdays, and so on. We also spent the night together a few nights a month. We had a 5th child together 2 years after our divorce was final.

So maybe that helps you to understand things better. It wasn't a clean break 10 years ago, and we never saw each other again. He stayed in our lives. He stayed in my life [intimately] even through the lies, cheating, deceitfulness, and so on.

Like I said, I don't want to be him because of his behavior. I finally put my foot down about a year ago and refused any more spending the night or intimate encounters. He was really mad at me, and he started being pretty mean to me. I also put an end to him bringing over another child of his that he conceived with a lesbian. Saying no to him on these things created a wall between us, and he's hated me ever since.

At some point he starting dating this person that I just found out he married last month. I mean....our wedding picture still hangs on a wall in my house! .....It just hurts. He was so awful to me during our marriage, and this woman thinks he's the best man in the world!! He must treat her good. And she has a daughter(s). I can't help but think he's better to her children than he ever was to his own children. And she got a diamond wedding ring. I was married to him for 7 years, had 5 of his children, put up with hell for years, and he never even TRIED to buy me a ring!!

No, I don't feel sorry for her. She should have investigated him thoroughly, got to know him better, and dated him longer than she did. I don't know what will become of them. Maybe he'll turn to his old ways, and she'll see the "real person" that he is. Maybe they'll live happily ever after. I don't know.

Thanks for listening.

 

[RichardsonMommy5]

In any divorce there is a tearing of flesh because , as the word of God says "the two shall become one flesh". There cannot be a tearing of the flesh without pain and heart ache.

Very true! ....Unless you're a sociopath, and you don't feel pain or empathy, have a conscience, or the capacity to truly love someone else....other than yourself, that is.

 

[RichardsonMommy5]

Hi Richardsonmommy5, welcome to CF.

Ya, sounds like something in your heart was still judging that you were connected to him.
If it was a few months, I'd say stay single and work on healing yourself.
But since its been 10 yrs. I think its time to look for other relationships ... maybe you have ...

Maybe your sad that another woman will be going thru what you want thru!

Thanks for the "welcome!"

I stay pretty busy with my 5 children, and really have no desire to be in a relationship. After living through my parents' divorce, and then experiencing my own, I've had enough!

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks for the added info. That does help understand your situation better.
So glad you stood up for yourself and your kids.
As for a new relationship, I thought you were out of the one with your EX much longer than you are.