Remarried but want to 'go back' and make my family whole

[jwebhead]

Two options as far as I can see, Paul never stipulated if she had remarried. And the OT speaks that once a woman in "deflowered" by another man her husband does not have to take her back.

He does want me back. It is not a matter that 'he HAS to take me back', He wants to.

If the boys miss there dad so much why cant they live with him? You do the visiting?
Just a suggestion.

The reason why they do not live with him is that he does not have any family support and he and I both agree that putting the boys in daycare while he is at work would make things even worse. The day may come when they are older and want to go live with their Dad and yes I am open and understanding to that. (It would be painful, but if they are old enough, it could be possible)

I just do not see any reason for me to stay here and make things harder for everyone.

 

[fruitrach]

I think it's biblical to go back and would encourage you to do so.

* goes to look up verse *

OK it's in Malachi 2, all about not breaking faith and holding to the covenant. The first person you marry is your covenant spouse and it's right to reconcile with them wherever possible.

So I say go back. But do it REALLY carefully, making sure people get treated as well as possible with as little hurt as you can manage. Get counselling with your first husband to help you guys to build a new and better relationship which will last and take time to learn how to trust each other again.

I know of a situation in Africa where a guy was called to leadership but had read in Timothy that a leader should only have 1 wife so wasn't being a leader. Someone challenged him to follow his calling and do whatever he needed to make it right. So he returned to the wife of his youth but honoured all his other wives by making sure they all had good houses, land and cattle.

Return to the husband of your youth but honour your current husband as you do so.

 

[Yitzchak]

The bible has a passage dealing with the sabbath and the rules about what could be done and not done on the sabbath. Jesus answers his critics in one place by saying that the sabbath was made for man and not man for the sabbath.

I take this as a general principle concerning all rules. God gives us guidelines for our good and to help us to love him and our neighbors better. When the rule starts to make us hurt eachother for the sake of keeping a rule then it is time to make an exception. I call this "common sense theology".

God has always been after our hearts and not after our religious observance of rules just for the sake of keeping rules. So my question to you is What does your heart say?? Forget about the rules and all the interpretations of different bible passages. What does your heart say?? What are your motives?

God is always more concerned with people then he is with rules. I can't tell you what to do for sure because I don't know. But I think that some good advice has been given. To seek some counseling or whatever method works for you to see what is in your heart. What are your issues that need looked at?

I will say this. When in doubt, think of the children's needs first. Because they are more vunerable and have no options. If you really think that your children would be better off by going back to your ex husband, then at least if it doesn't work out so great for you, the children benefit.

Considering the way that your current marriage began and that it wasn't all that long ago, I don't feel any smypathy for your current husband. Anyway, I'm just thinking out loud. I hope it helps you to hear some different perspectives and clarify your own thoughts.

I think that the feelings of your current husband's child matter much more than your husband's feelings at this point. Just my opinion.

 

[Mayzoo]

Well, this is an old testament quote so take it as such.

Deuteronomy 24:1-3 paraphrased...man and wife divorce...wife remarries....

Deuteronomy 24:4 "then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the lord."

Sorry, for your situation. I would say you need to work very hard in your current marriage to make it the best it can be. Seek Christian counseling. Make sure the boys see their father as much as humanly and financially possible. Learn to be a good stepparent, even if that means taking parenting courses designed just for step parents.

I am praying for you.

 

[Agape4u]

I realize this is an old thread, but I've been going through a similar situation and was wondering....is the ex-husband free to remarry or is he bound to stay single the rest of his life? Just from what I've read here and from studying God's word, the latter is his only option, unless the wife dies, then he is free to marry. Am I right in saying this?

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Agape4u, since she left her husband for this new man I would think it's safe to say he is released from the covenant. If he chose to stay single, that's fine, but I believe he would be Biblically permitted to remarry if God placed someone else in his life.