Remarriage

[Leah52805]

I need your help!! I am getting remarried on May 28, 2005, and I am currently going through pre-marital counseling. The only problem is that there aren't very many materials regarding remarriage and the problems that you really have to deal with upon entering another marriage covenant. My fiance and I were both cheated on, and had very controlling, dysfunctional spouses. I was wondering if any of you had any Christian books or videos that helped you out with your remarriage. Now we are taking a test about finances, child rearing, etc. Pretty much stuff that we have already worked out because we know that those are main issues in marriage and we already have a baby together (long story, look at my testimony if you want more info.). Anyway, please, I need help and soon! Thank you all and God Bless!

 

[seebs]

I haven't seen much in the way of resources directly on the topic. The biggest thing I can say is... You have a partial map of the minefield. Share stories. You know what hurts you, and you know how much you don't want to hurt your spouse. Share these things and you'll do fine. Go with God.

 

[Wakeup2god]

Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding. May the Lord bind you together with Him (a three cord strand).

As I'm seriously courting at the moment Im reading a book called 'The Marriage Book' by Nicky & Sila Lee. Dont know if you can get it in the US though.

Both my artner and I have ex's that sound like yours. We've found that we must communicate on every level. We share all of our insecurities, desires, worries. Creating that environment of feeling free and safe to share is very important. Pray together about everything, like seebs said share everything.

One more thing, please don't build your relationship on the expectations left by your last relationships. Learn from our history and don't repeat same mystakes, don't let the past shape your future. You both know where you personally fell short the last time so work on those areas.

 

[Yitzchak]

I am remarried and both my spouse and I were cheated on in previous relationships. One thing that I have found helpful is to live in grace. Bitterness carries a backlash that effects the current relationship. We make allownaces for eachother in our wounded areas and allow eachother the space to heal at our own pace.

 

[Leah52805]

I am remarried and both my spouse and I were cheated on in previous relationships. One thing that I have found helpful is to live in grace. Bitterness carries a backlash that effects the current relationship. We make allownaces for eachother in our wounded areas and allow eachother the space to heal at our own pace.

What kind of pre-marital counseling did you go through? Were there any materials used that were of any help?

 

[Yitzchak]

We did have a book that I got at a used book store that was really helpful. I will have to look up the title and post it tomorrow because i'm at a friend's house today.

One thing that we got out of the book that really helped was that the two become one. So that whatever failures and whatever successes we experience, we do it together as one.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Do you trust each other? (If no RUN)

How about the In-laws? (Have rules in advance)

RULES?

1) HE/SHE is NOT the last spouse..

2) HE/SHE is NOT your mommy or your daddy.

3) IT's NOT yours, or mine it's OURS..

That includes the money, Problems, Decisions, TIME and the kids...

There that's it. Congrads and be kind to one another..

 

[Leah52805]

Do you trust each other? (If no RUN)

Yes! I am glad that I can be myself around him and I don't feel like this was the person I was supposed to be with in the first place.

How about the In-laws? (Have rules in advance)

We live with them so we have already hashed out the problems.... don't worry, he's definately not a momma's boy.

RULES?

1) HE/SHE is NOT the last spouse..

2) HE/SHE is NOT your mommy or your daddy.

3) IT's NOT yours, or mine it's OURS..

That includes the money, Problems, Decisions, TIME and the kids...

There that's it. Congrads and be kind to one another..

Thank you for your advice! I will talk this over with my honey, and hopefully it will help bring us closer together. It is funny because we both married the same kind of person and we were too young, and that sort of brings us together. He is who God planned for me, and I appreciate him so much. We are both young so it's not like we've been single for a huge amount of time, so we really don't have issues with that is mine and this is yours... we can share! Thank you again for all of your helpful advice!

Leah

 

[Jennifer615]

I have suggested a "Remarriage Forum" and I think it is going to go ahead. It will be a place where all remarried Christians, or Christians considering remarriage, can come together and talk about the unique issues of remarried Christians, which 1st time married's don't have, like step-kids, ex'es, and the condemnation that we sometimes encounter from other Christians.

Make sure you visit the forum when it's here .