Relationships and forgiving ??

[Catchup]

I know the verses about forgiving. But I am not sure what they mean. I need help. I am having trouble finding guidance from the Bible. It appears that Jesus did not have any close personal relationships. I know he loved everyone but he seemed so strong emotionally. But there is this person in my life who is able to destroy me. This most recent time was the worst. I have been absent from this board for a few days trying to gain some sense of control over my feelings. I am not week but I am human. I do love this person. I know that she will come back and say she is sorry and want things to continue on as before. This has happened many times. That used to be something I prayed for ... but now it is what I fear. So my question is... Is it still considered an act of forgiving if you turn away afterwards? Is it OK to hurt someone I love so that she cannot hurt me again and again?

LOVE

 

[Didymus]

I too have a very hard time forgiving someone who kepps hurting me. i finally just cut that person out of my life as much as possible. They are obviously not sincere when they say they are sorry.
It is NEVER ok to hurt someone. that would also just lower youself to her leval.
I think Jesus did have strong emotional attachments to other people--Mary,Martha ,Lazuraus and John. The bible says He loved them. I also think He didn t love everyone--the Phariasees and scribes for instance.

 

[Catchup]

So it is still considered forgiving if you do not allow this person another chance?

 

[Martin]

This is a really hard one, particularly when the hurt has been repeated....

Forgiveness has to be the starting point, but if you have truly forgiven the person, then I would question whether that person, having hurt you over and over again, is truly a friend. I think not, and I don't think you would have any issue in walking away from that friendship, but forgiveness must come first.

Some thoughts about forgiveness:
1. When Peter asked Jesus if he should forgive someone seven times, he felt he was being very generous in how many times he should forgive. Jesus, however, told him to forgive seven times seventy not just seven. I think that's the answer - that we should always forgive.
2.The Lord's prayer asks us to "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" - so the measure of forgiveness we receive is according to the measure we use to forgive others (also read the parable of the unforgiving servant which says the same thing - Matthew 18:21-35)
3. Sometimes we think we have forgiven someone when deep down in our hearts we haven't. I think we need to ask the Holy Spirit to shine His light of love into our hearts to show if there is any unforgiveness there. I'm sure he will reveal it to you if it's appropriate. As a generality, if we have a fear of being hurt again, then it sounds like we haven't truly forgiven - but I stress that this is a generality.
4. Questions for you to ask yourself - Do I hold anything against this person? Do I have any negative (e.g. anger) thoughts toward this person? Am I free to talk to her again face-to-face?

I'll be praying that you and the Lord will work through this one together and that you will come out healed of the hurt and that your ability to trust others will not be damaged by this experience.

Martin

 

[heather]

dear catchup, I have been reading Rachael's Tears and one passage struck home very strongly for me. There is a big difference between frogiving and pardoning. It is imperative that we forgive someone, because forgiveness is within us. If we do not forgive, we might as well go around chained to that person. They will be constantly with us slowing us down, holding us back. To forgive is to free ourselves.
Pardon is another thing. Just because we forgive someone does not mean that they are not accountable for the hurts they have done to us. There still needs to be an atonement for their behavior, but we can still love and forgive them.

Does that make sense?

Heather, one who really is working on forgiveness herself, so is also speaking to herself as well.

 

[Blynn]

I agree with heather's post. I will be praying for you Catchup.




God bless you,
Roberta

 

[Snor Snor]

I'll be praying for you!

God bless ya!

 

[amie]

I am praying for you to Catchup...I know it is sometimes easier to forgive than to forget...my prayers are with you
Amie

 

[StogusMaximus]

Praying.

 

[Redeemed1]

Originally posted by heather
There is a big difference between frogiving and pardoning.

I was going to say something quite similar. There is a difference between forgiveness and trust. Forgiveness can't be earned, but must be freely given...however, I think trust has to be earned. I have a person in my life whom I have forgiven (many times!), but who I no longer trust. I am kind to this person, I pray for him, and do my best to be in obedience to Christ where this person is concerned. However, I no longer allow him close enough to inflict more pain, because I cannot trust that he will not hurt me again. There is no bitterness, anger, or resentment, because forgiveness has dealt with all of that. But there is the reality that trust has been broken, many times over, and that brings consequences.