Relationship woes...

[xMinionX]

I've been in a relationship with the same girl for the past three years. Recently, I've felt unsettled in the relationship, due to her wanting a closer, more husband/wife thing, and I want a boy/girlfriend thing. I'm 22, she's 25.

I don't want to feel pressured to settle down until I feel ready. And she has told me several times that she can wait for me until I get out of school and have a steady job. Then we can get married, have babies, do the family thing, and so on.

But even though she says she can wait, I know she's not where she wants to be. And it hurts me. And thus, I feel pressure. I feel uncomfortable when I go out with friends, to parties, etc. I feel trapped, at times.

I decided that we should take a break for a week. That was thursday. I am still feeling that I made the right decision and that we should end it, for now. Maybe, a year or so from now, when I'm ready, we can pick up where we left off. I'm not asking her to wait around for me or anything. If she's availible, great. If not, that's fine, I can't hardly blame her.

This is hard. Really hard. I feel as though I'm missing a limb. I've been with her steadily for three years, and for it to vanish in the course of one day.... It's not easy.

Anyone have any advice? Anything is welcome.

 

[brightlights]

i don't think that a break is a bad idea, but perhaps you should still remain close during this break. if you're not ready and you rush into things you can end up doing a lot of damage. also it never hurt anyone to pray.

in christ,
billy

 

[TheMainException]

Yes, I have some advice for you...follow what you feel is right...if you aren't ready to settle down...by all means DO NOT DO THAT...the feelings you have to do one thing and not another, that's right...that's the way to go...if you feel like you can't live your life with her and still do things that you like just yet, maybe you aren't ready...God has someone in mind for you and a time set apart for your marraige...pray hard about it...I know that you'll make a good choice either way.

 

[Serapha]

I've been in a relationship with the same girl for the past three years. Recently, I've felt unsettled in the relationship, due to her wanting a closer, more husband/wife thing, and I want a boy/girlfriend thing. I'm 22, she's 25.

I don't want to feel pressured to settle down until I feel ready. And she has told me several times that she can wait for me until I get out of school and have a steady job. Then we can get married, have babies, do the family thing, and so on.

But even though she says she can wait, I know she's not where she wants to be. And it hurts me. And thus, I feel pressure. I feel uncomfortable when I go out with friends, to parties, etc. I feel trapped, at times.

I decided that we should take a break for a week. That was thursday. I am still feeling that I made the right decision and that we should end it, for now. Maybe, a year or so from now, when I'm ready, we can pick up where we left off. I'm not asking her to wait around for me or anything. If she's availible, great. If not, that's fine, I can't hardly blame her.

This is hard. Really hard. I feel as though I'm missing a limb. I've been with her steadily for three years, and for it to vanish in the course of one day.... It's not easy.

Anyone have any advice? Anything is welcome.

Hi there!



I have a question, when YOU decided that "we should take a break for a week"... what was the response?

You see, you made the decision... that means that in your mind, you are not a couple making a decision. After three years, you still do not view your relationship as "one"... you have a lot of growing to do. If you don't "grow together" then you will grow apart.

I don't want to feel pressured to settle down until I feel ready.

Then, from your posting, you are in the wrong relationship. Try taking a break without a time restraint.... but when you decide that she might be the right one, don't assume she will still be available. She knows what she wants.

You don't.

~serapha~

 

[xMinionX]

You see, you made the decision... that means that in your mind, you are not a couple making a decision.

I suppose I should have been more specific. I suggested it to her, asked her what she thought of it. She was worried about it, but, in her own words "You have to be able to think about this without my feelings and emotions influencing your decision."

In any case, we talked again the other night, and decided to give it another shot. Three years is a lot to throw away without at least giving it a second chance. Turns out she only said a lot of what I was feeling pressured by because she thought I felt ok about it.

Lesson of the day? Communication is key, even if you don't think your partner will like what you have to say.

Thanks for the advice, everyone!

 

[goodoldboy]

Minion, a good rule of thumb is to stay out of a serious relationship until you are at least 25. Before then, I say hit it then quit it. You made a mistake when you hooked up with her. It is time to get back on the right track.

I wouldn't recommend following your feelings like LAWise advises. I say follow your brains. You are being pressured into marriage by a chick. Very bad. Don't let that happen to you again. You have everything to lose from a marriage and she has everything to gain. Once you sign that contract, she has half your life in her purse.

I strongly recommend that you dump her and move on with your life. Build a career, move up in life, then when you have lots of money, attract better chicks.

If you are afraid of how might feel after you dump her, then I have further advice for you, but only if you need it.

 

[hippy_man]

yeah