Relationship Problems

[Machin Shin]

First, some "history". I'll try to be as brief as possible. I first really "met" Sara on a missions trip last summer. we had both gone on the same one 3 years previously, but I had been young(er) and preocupied at the time and hadn't really noticed her. Things went on, I got to know her better, and one night, God broke down the walls I had built, and I surrendered to full time missions. God also revealed to me that Sara was The One for me. I asked her out the next day, she rejected me. Eventually, we came back home, and I went off to college in the Fall. we kept in touch, and oddly enough, we actually started dating a few weeks after I had left to attend Word of Life Bible Institute (NY) Our relationship grew with leaps and bounds, and we both knew we were ment to be with eachother, we even started talking about marriage and stuff like that. we kept God at the center of our relationship as much as we could, being seperated, and everything was peachy. I came home, spent about 4 whole days(8AM-10PMish) with her at her college, went to church together, etc. The problem was and still is, She works 2 jobs, and is a full time student on top of that. She is in her school orchestra, and the Chruch orchestra, another thing on thursday nights, and has a family that wants her time as well, not to mention me. she also gets periodical kidney stones every other month or so that puts her out of commission for about a week. About a week before Christmas, she gave me a letter, after all that, telling me that basically, she could not handle a relationship at the moment. She asked for her ring back, and we basically broke up. she wasn't even in school at that time. She said that God had lead her to do it because it wasn't fair that I was doing all the "work" in the relationship. I was devistated, of course (still am). I went back to Word of Life in January, and ever since then, it's been a struggle to talk to her at all. before I came home, we wrote eachother at least once a day, and we had a very strong relationship. Since I came back, she hasn't written me a single thing the only communication I've had with her was when I called her on my phone card once a week. Sometimes she was even too busy to talk to me. I've written her letters once a week. I've asked her repeatedly to write to me, tell me how she's doing, something, ANYTHING. It seems she's just too busy, and even if she intends to contact me, she forgets in the maze of responsibilities she has to do. She knows I love her, I've told her numerous times.

I just don't understand... after everything she's said...

“I was having a really bad day then I got your email and I could not stop smiling. I was so happy.” “I could see you as my husband. If God wills that. We have a love for missions and people. We both like music. We think alot a like.”


“We are going to make it work and make the most out of every oppertunity we had to spend together. We just have to exercise out faith and trust in each other.”

“How is your day going? I hope well. Mine has been so busy b/c we have an orchestra performance tonight. It is nice to sit down in peace and quite to jsut write you a letter.”

“I hope that our relationship leads to marriage. We have so much in common and yet we are different as well. You are the best guy ever. Some of the other guys that I have thought about dating have turned out to be real jerks and you seem so real…You have always been very sweet to me. One thing I remember most in Mexico was that I couldn't find my red bandanna and you took time out to find that for me. Just the little thinks make me happy. You don't have to do anything extravagent for me. Sometimes I have a hard time opening up to people. If you feel that I am doing that sometimes just let me know. It is something that I am working on. “Just to let you know I have never felt this way about any guy before. You are different. This is all new to me. I was talking to one of the ladies that I work with and she said that she says that I smile so big when I talk about you. She said that happened to her when she met her husband. So maybe it is a sign.”

“Every time I read your emails it makes me feel better” “I hope we can make it all the way. I would like to be your wife some day.”

and that's just a smidgen. after everything she's said, why can't she spare 15 miniuts to write me something? It's just driving me mad... please..... please pray for me - and her too.

 

[Jenster]

Dear Machin Shin,

I am praying that God will heal your broken heart. The situation you describe is one in which your ex-girlfriend has broken up with you, and you are trying to hang on. I know it is difficult, but you need to let go. By writing you the letter and explaining that she does not have time for a relationship, she has made her decision known to you.

Though she said many things to you (as you quoted) and seemed to be enjoying the relationship and hoping for the best, there clearly came a point at which she decided it was not the right timing. It is tough to believe, but she was being honest in breaking up with you instead of letting you hang on thinking there was hope.

I would encourage you to continue lifting up your thoughts and feelings to the Lord and accepting His comfort through this difficult time. If you need to ask Him "why??" then you should do so. God already knows how you feel and what you are struggling with.

I have been through a few relationship break ups myself. They are challenging, but I have also grown and matured through each one. I pray that you will have friends around you to support you right now. Try to let go of your ex-girlfriend, and trust the future of your friendship and relationship to the One Who Loves You.

Peace.

 

[fishstix]

Even if she might be the right girl for you, that doesn't mean that your relationship is going to happen right away. She sounds very busy, and probably isn't ready to have a serious relationship at the moment. Give it time, pray about it, and be there as a friend to her for now. If God truly means for the two of you to be together, He'll put you together in His own perfect timing. Rushing things tends to result in a lot of problems.

 

[heartnsoul]

This is where faith steps in. I knows it's easier said than done, but take comfort in knowing that God knows what is best for you. God's ways are not our ways sometimes, so take this opportunity to draw closer to God. Someday you may look back and realize this may have been an actual blessing in disguise. But then again, maybe she will come back to you later if it's meant to be.

Take your pain to God. I pray that God comforts you through this tough time and may you find peace knowing that God loves you.

 

[silentpoet]

There is no comfort in what I am about to say, not really anyway. God works things out for your good. That is in the long run, in the short run it hurts something awful. Just hold onto God as best you can.