Relationship problem

[f1991]

Hello brothers and sisters in Christ. I have a problem with my relationship. I have been dating this guy for about 3 years now. We are both Christians but we were not going the right way in the relationship and had sex too. At point, I realised that my spiritual life was going down because of this. I couldn't pray nor read my Bible. Due to this, I told him that we had to stop and do things the right way but he said he can't stop and I have been feeling too uncomfortable with this. An argument came up lately and decided to call of the relationship and I told him I do not love him any more and I really do not love him again because we disagree on the way the relationship should go. Even though I called it off, he says he still loves me. Should I continue with this? How do I know if he is the one God has destined for me? I am confused and I will appreciate your Candide response.
Thanks.
Faith

 

[Tigger45]

Hi sister. Welcome to CF. Of course you made the right decision. I know it had to be tough to do but you followed through with your convictions. Your BF although disappointed should of been more understanding not only to your will but God's will also. God bless.

 

[f1991]

Thank you.I appreciate your respond

 

[hopeinGod]

Many of us have made the identical mistake. We became sexually intimate with someone of the opposite sex when we weren't married, while all along we knew the will of God. It is certainly not the way of the world to flee fornicaton, but it surely is God's way. You did the right thing, sister.

I would think you'd want a man in your life who is able to hear God's instructions and responds in obedience, not one who insists on being rebellious. There is a whole lot more to having a relationship with a man than sharing a bed, and for any man to insist he loves you while he's unwilling to place God's will first and foremost, that should cause you to serioiusly rethink the entire situation.

 

[f1991]

Thank you so much brother.May God richly bless you.

 

[dayhiker]

Hi faith
Welcome to CF.
Sounds to me like you both didn't hand the situation quite right. When you were telling him you were feeling from the sex, it would be good for him to back you up with what God is speaking to you about. But also I have a hard time to believe you didn't love him after 3 yrs of loving him. So you were messing with his head in quite a strong way by saying you didn't love him, I'm guessing.

So it would be good to go back and revisit the conversation and each of you get things said correctly. Even if he didn't think the sex was wrong he should be not want to cause you to sin. This could be a great time to mature some and have better communication.

 

[f1991]

I loved him initially so much but when I realized what the relationship was doing to my spirit life, the love started dying down worst of all when he didn't want us to stop having sex. I understand that we both handled things the wrong way that is why I want us to go the right way now. Thanks for your respond.

 

[Yahu]

Hello brothers and sisters in Christ. I have a problem with my relationship. I have been dating this guy for about 3 years now. We are both Christians but we were not going the right way in the relationship and had sex too. At point, I realised that my spiritual life was going down because of this. I couldn't pray nor read my Bible. Due to this, I told him that we had to stop and do things the right way but he said he can't stop and I have been feeling too uncomfortable with this. An argument came up lately and decided to call of the relationship and I told him I do not love him any more and I really do not love him again because we disagree on the way the relationship should go. Even though I called it off, he says he still loves me. Should I continue with this? How do I know if he is the one God has destined for me? I am confused and I will appreciate your Candide response.
Thanks.
Faith

IMO you should push for a restoration of the relationship and making it into a covenant relationship. You are already joined with this man. It will be harmful to you to go into a relationship with any other man. This is especially true if he took your virginity.

So what exactly is the problem for making it into a covenant relationship? Is he opposed to marriage or commitment?

IMO it is nonsense to listen to people that want you to separate the relationship. Fix it then learn how to submit to a husband. It will teach you how to submit to Yeshua. A covenant relationship with our spouse is the earthly mirror of your relationship with Yeshua. If you want to get one relationship right get the other as well.

Personally I could care less if you are in a legal marriage as long as it is in covenant. I know some don't marry legally for other reasons. For example, a girl I led to the Lord was in college and supported by conditions of her parents divorce while in college. If she married, she lost her father's college support. She was engaged but they didn't want to get legally married until after graduation. Now this girl was also called as a prophetess. She came under attack by one of the elders for 'living in sin' because they were not legally married. The pastor allowed the couple to exchange vows with him as witness and told the elder to butt out. If she was given a prophetic word by the Holy Spirit she was allowed to give it. The couple then got legally married after they graduated college. The one in error was the elder that attacked them over the situation. He was rebuked for his Phariseeism.

 

[f1991]

He is not opposed to marriage neither is he to a commitment just that I am scared of the consequence that may arise as a result of fornication.That is my greatest fear now.Thanks

 

[Yahu]

He is not opposed to marriage neither is he to a commitment just that I am scared of the consequence that may arise as a result of fornication.That is my greatest fear now.Thanks

Then IMO the problem is with your fear or fear of attack by others. Biblically fornication had to do with causal sex that was involved in the pagan worship. It is directly tied with idolatry many places in scripture. It had nothing to do with legal status of a relationship. In those days starting a sexual relationship was taking a concubine or wife.

It was the visiting of ritual prostitutes in the pagan worship or being involved as a prostitute that constituted fornication in the Old Testament. The modern equivalent is visiting a bar to pick up a one night stand just to satisfy lust or a women that takes on multiple partners to have fun before settling down in marriage. Scripture calls that playing the harlot.

To get out of that fear, just make the relationship a legal one. IMO you will have far more emotional problems leaving the relationship and starting another then in fixing this one.

I would NEVER encourage leaving a sexual relationship that is committed. I would encourage making it a recognized relationship before witnesses to strengthen it. Woe unto those that separate what Yah has joined together. You have been joined together by entering into a sexual relationship. Just get out from under the condemnation for not following the traditions of man. The way to fix that is to get legally married because you are already married in Yah's eyes. To leave him is to divorce him.

 

[f1991]

Thanks.

 

[hopeinGod]

It is not at all outside the possibility that there may be some reaping due to what it is we've sown in the flesh. I can't tell you what that might be, since the areas that you compromised may go much farther than simply having had sex.

Who might you have offended or shown acceptance of such behavior? Maybe boasted? Were there conversations with others, such as siblings or close friends who were led to believe they too have as much right to behave similarly or in another sinful manner? Did you tell your parents off after they expressed their displeasure?

What a marvelous testimony it is to confess the wrong we've done, especially if the behavior was well known among siblings and good friends.

It is more and more, today, the way of Christians to view fornication as commonplace among one another. Sadly, the sin of it is one of the most difficult to acknowledge, and within all ages, not surprisingly, for we are being told that any sexual expression is without consequence through every form of media. It's our right to indulge, we hear everyday.

You have asked for Christ's forgiveness and are willing to walk before the Lord with integrity. Surely, we can't hide from Him anyway, for He knew what was going on when you weren't acknowledging Him. Your confession has the potential of dissolving whatever wall might have been built between you and the Father, and opened you to an even deeper walk with Him.

 

[winjayoma]

Hello brothers and sisters in Christ. I have a problem with my relationship. I have been dating this guy for about 3 years now. We are both Christians but we were not going the right way in the relationship and had sex too. At point, I realised that my spiritual life was going down because of this. I couldn't pray nor read my Bible. Due to this, I told him that we had to stop and do things the right way but he said he can't stop and I have been feeling too uncomfortable with this. An argument came up lately and decided to call of the relationship and I told him I do not love him any more and I really do not love him again because we disagree on the way the relationship should go. Even though I called it off, he says he still loves me. Should I continue with this? How do I know if he is the one God has destined for me? I am confused and I will appreciate your Candide response.
Thanks.
Faith

It's really true that it is immoral to have sex with out marriage. The first thing that you need to do is discuss with your boyfriend to settle in marriage. If he does not agree, so it means that he really don't love you. What he wants only is your body and the time comes, he will leave you one day and the worse is you will be a single mother.

 

[f1991]

Ok thanks.

 

[Bob Carabbio]

IF you don't feel RIGHT about continuing, then DON'T.

 

[f1991]

ok thanks