relationship help

[Lexie Grey]

In the fall, I cheated on my boyfriend of 2 and a half years, I was feeling neglected and lonely so I made some mistakes. We broke up, and I ended up dating the person I cheated on him with (call him Y). However, me and the boyfriend I cheated on, kept in contact almost everyday after the breakup. A couple months after, I realized that I'd made the biggest mistake of my life, and that I wanted to get him back. We'll call him B. B has basically moved on, he's with another girl now of which he's told me he's had strong feelings for.Yet we're still talking, and he reassures me almost daily that there's still hope for us to be together someday.

However, the feelings I have for Y are very deep. Losing this relationship would mean losing a friendship that practically saved my life. I love and value this person so much, however, we get into fights a lot that get kind of explosive and have caused me a lot of sadness. B listened to me tirelessly talk about these nights, and told me that if I didn't break up with the person I'm currently with, then I haven't changed at all as a person, further ruining his opinion of me. I talked to Y that night about breaking up, and while we did not break up, I told B that we talked about breaking up. I believe that B believes we broke up. I don't know how to tell him that we didn't, or if I should. Since that means potentially losing B again. But is it so bad if B is in a relationship, too?

My life is a disaster currently over this, I'm in love with two different people and have found myself lying to both of them. I have no idea what to do. I feel so lost and so ruined over everything I've done, I don't deserve any of the kindness both men have showed me. I'll take any advice possible.

 

[Southernscotty]

Welcome to CF Lexie, But do you see what a spiral sin gets you into? By acts of fornication first and then adultery and now confusion and hurt.

 

[Soul-searching]

In the fall, I cheated on my boyfriend of 2 and a half years, I was feeling neglected and lonely so I made some mistakes. We broke up, and I ended up dating the person I cheated on him with (call him Y). However, me and the boyfriend I cheated on, kept in contact almost everyday after the breakup. A couple months after, I realized that I'd made the biggest mistake of my life, and that I wanted to get him back. We'll call him B. B has basically moved on, he's with another girl now of which he's told me he's had strong feelings for.Yet we're still talking, and he reassures me almost daily that there's still hope for us to be together someday.

However, the feelings I have for Y are very deep. Losing this relationship would mean losing a friendship that practically saved my life. I love and value this person so much, however, we get into fights a lot that get kind of explosive and have caused me a lot of sadness. B listened to me tirelessly talk about these nights, and told me that if I didn't break up with the person I'm currently with, then I haven't changed at all as a person, further ruining his opinion of me. I talked to Y that night about breaking up, and while we did not break up, I told B that we talked about breaking up. I believe that B believes we broke up. I don't know how to tell him that we didn't, or if I should. Since that means potentially losing B again. But is it so bad if B is in a relationship, too?

My life is a disaster currently over this, I'm in love with two different people and have found myself lying to both of them. I have no idea what to do. I feel so lost and so ruined over everything I've done, I don't deserve any of the kindness both men have showed me. I'll take any advice possible.

I´m sorry if i hurt your feelings, but the best thing for you would be to leave them both alone and find someone new. Nothing good will ever come out of this situation. It is very confusing having feelings for two people and it makes a person unstable in many ways, and not being able to see clear. You have to be strong now, make the right choise, choose yourself, you are way more important than two guys who does not even make you know how you feel about either one of them! if you were meant to be with boyfriend B you would never have cheated on him and he would not have moved on with another girlfriend.

 

[Southernscotty]

Enjoyed our PM. Remember; Keep seeking God in all things, Resist the devil and he will flee James 4:7.
Jer 29:11 God has a plan for you Sis.

 

[Lexie Grey]

Thank you so much. Our talk helped me greatly. I can't wait to move forward and make my relationship with Christ as the center of my life

 

[Bumble Bee]

It's really hard to feel stuck in the middle, but from my observations it's better to end both relationships. There is the old saying that goes "if they cheat with you, they will cheat on you." When people are considering leaving one relationship to go to another, that is a red flag right away that the relationship needs to end. Someone who is fully committed will not look for someone new, no matter the history. It opens the door to infidelity. Also, I do not believe that anyone has the right to intrude in another person's relationship, no matter the history. B has moved on and is in a relationship with someone else. Why take that healing and happiness away? It is very painful to go through a situation where a partner cheats, and it takes a lot to build that kind of trust with anyone else after that.

I can tell from the tone of your post that you, too, are going through some deep emotions over the whole thing. My advice to you is to cut both relationships. Minimize conversation with both men and take some time for yourself to regroup. Find your identity in the Lord, and let him heal you. In His timing, when He has made you ready, He will bring the right man to you. When that time comes and you are committed in that relationship, there will be no question of whether there is someone else for you.