Hi everyone, sorry for the long post
I am a 22 year-old girl who recently graduated from college. One of my best friends is a guy I have known since I was eleven years old. We have been there for one another through every part of our lives from graduations and middle school dances and family problems, just about everything. He was also the person I would say who had the strongest impact on my faith and helping me grow in it and guiding me closer to God.
But, this boy was also my first crush and over time I'm not sure if my crush on him went away or was just buried by thinking I would never be with him, but for several years, I was content with us just being friends and liked the way our friendship was.
We went to middle and high school together but when it came time for college, although he tried to persuade me to go to the school he was going to, we ended up at schools about two hours apart. At first our friendship seemed to drift a part a bit just because we had been so used to seeing each other everyday that now not seeing each other at all was a bit hard to get used to. but, I would say about 6-8 months in we were texting every day and often speaking on the phone and planning our trips back home at the same time so we could see one another.
Sometime during then my crush started to grow again and fast forward to our second year of college (spring 2017), he came to visit at my university and he kissed me and said he was torn because he wanted to be with me but didn't think it would work because of the distance. Despite saying it wouldn't work he started visiting me more often and inviting me to visit him. He kissed me several times during these visits and would write me letters saying how I was the most important person in his life and how he couldn't imagine life without me.
But then spring break 2018 I went to visit him, probably the best day we spent together and had so much fun and he opened up to me even more when I thought our connection couldn't get any deeper. But then I left and when I got home he called me and said "I'm so sorry if I have been leading you on, but I will never love you as more than a friend." He stayed on the phone with me for an hour saying he couldn't hang up until he knew I was okay, and prayed for me and for our families and for us to both grow closer to one another every day.
As you can imagine, I was completely blindsided. I was heart-broken and absolutely devastated. I tried to text him, call him but heard nothing for him for two months, texting me a long message full of his regrets and apologies but no explanation for what he'd done. I didn't respond and we continues not to have any contact until fall of 2018 where we ran into each other at a party. As much as I hate to admit it, the moment I saw him all my feelings came right back and all the hurt he'd caused me turned to forgiveness. ever since then we've been texting (not super frequently he's always been bad at texting) and went out for coffees over winter break.
He still won't acknowledge the fact anything ever happened at treats me like we've just always been friends. But, since our reunion I have spoken with mutual friends of ours who all say he really does have feelings for me but is just scared because I am getting so settled into the place I am with work and looking for a house and so many other things while he is studying to become a doctor and has so much school left and doesn't know where the next several years will take him for medical school, etc.
I've prayed about him and our situation so much and I just don't know what to do. I keep asking God to lead my heart away from him if he's not meant to be my future husband, but no matter if I don't see him or talk to him or go on dates with anyone else my feelings for him are unwavering and have been for years. it's very painful to love someone who your not sure you'll ever even have a shot a relationship with, much less a life together, but I don't know how else to handle it anymore. I have gone on dates with other people, gone through seasons where I just focus on myself and my relationship with God and spend free time in prayer and in the Word and no matter what I've kept loving him continuously.
Any advice for what else to do or anyone going through anything similar?
I am a 22 year-old girl who recently graduated from college. One of my best friends is a guy I have known since I was eleven years old. We have been there for one another through every part of our lives from graduations and middle school dances and family problems, just about everything. He was also the person I would say who had the strongest impact on my faith and helping me grow in it and guiding me closer to God.
But, this boy was also my first crush and over time I'm not sure if my crush on him went away or was just buried by thinking I would never be with him, but for several years, I was content with us just being friends and liked the way our friendship was.
We went to middle and high school together but when it came time for college, although he tried to persuade me to go to the school he was going to, we ended up at schools about two hours apart. At first our friendship seemed to drift a part a bit just because we had been so used to seeing each other everyday that now not seeing each other at all was a bit hard to get used to. but, I would say about 6-8 months in we were texting every day and often speaking on the phone and planning our trips back home at the same time so we could see one another.
Sometime during then my crush started to grow again and fast forward to our second year of college (spring 2017), he came to visit at my university and he kissed me and said he was torn because he wanted to be with me but didn't think it would work because of the distance. Despite saying it wouldn't work he started visiting me more often and inviting me to visit him. He kissed me several times during these visits and would write me letters saying how I was the most important person in his life and how he couldn't imagine life without me.
But then spring break 2018 I went to visit him, probably the best day we spent together and had so much fun and he opened up to me even more when I thought our connection couldn't get any deeper. But then I left and when I got home he called me and said "I'm so sorry if I have been leading you on, but I will never love you as more than a friend." He stayed on the phone with me for an hour saying he couldn't hang up until he knew I was okay, and prayed for me and for our families and for us to both grow closer to one another every day.
As you can imagine, I was completely blindsided. I was heart-broken and absolutely devastated. I tried to text him, call him but heard nothing for him for two months, texting me a long message full of his regrets and apologies but no explanation for what he'd done. I didn't respond and we continues not to have any contact until fall of 2018 where we ran into each other at a party. As much as I hate to admit it, the moment I saw him all my feelings came right back and all the hurt he'd caused me turned to forgiveness. ever since then we've been texting (not super frequently he's always been bad at texting) and went out for coffees over winter break.
He still won't acknowledge the fact anything ever happened at treats me like we've just always been friends. But, since our reunion I have spoken with mutual friends of ours who all say he really does have feelings for me but is just scared because I am getting so settled into the place I am with work and looking for a house and so many other things while he is studying to become a doctor and has so much school left and doesn't know where the next several years will take him for medical school, etc.
I've prayed about him and our situation so much and I just don't know what to do. I keep asking God to lead my heart away from him if he's not meant to be my future husband, but no matter if I don't see him or talk to him or go on dates with anyone else my feelings for him are unwavering and have been for years. it's very painful to love someone who your not sure you'll ever even have a shot a relationship with, much less a life together, but I don't know how else to handle it anymore. I have gone on dates with other people, gone through seasons where I just focus on myself and my relationship with God and spend free time in prayer and in the Word and no matter what I've kept loving him continuously.
Any advice for what else to do or anyone going through anything similar?
