Relationship advice

[Violet90]

You aren't fat. If you want fat try being over 380 pounds like me. I'M fat lol. Despite being fat my wife has stayed with me for over 6 years now and counting. Me being fat doesn't bother her. But my dad when my mom weighed like 140 pounds called my mom fat because he was used to her being 90 pounds. My wife has put on weight since I married her (about 25 pounds) I call her fat sometimes as a joke and she just says "if I'm fat you're the king of fat" lol. I think your boyfriend meant it as a joke and not to hurt your feelings. Should he be looking at other women? No. I would tell him to stop if I were you. I mean REALLY tell him to stop. Say that if he doesn't stop it hurts you so much that you might break up with him. Idk if it really hurts you to that point but if he really loves you the idea of losing you would get him to stop. I mean my wife and I used to argue a lot for example. We've "broken up" dozens of times only to get "back together" again. I don't even remember what we used to fight about just piddly stuff. But since we got married our arguments almost completely stopped. We still fight from time to time but for the most part our arguing is over. But when she threatened to break up with me in the past I shaped up REALLY quick because I loved her. That's all the advice I can give I guess.

Hi Neostar.

Thank you for your kind words, I don’t believe that I am but his comment has made me feel that I am. We haven’t argued so far, I’ve told him that it hurts me and makes me feel disrespected and inferior, since then I haven’t seen him looking. It’s just the comment he made that has made me doubt. Lovely to hear you and your wife are happily married

 

[Violet90]

If you do, the standard "when you do X, it makes me feel Y, and I would like you to Z" line may be helpful.

I spoke to him and he echoed the same as last time. He said he’s deeply sorry and hasn’t looked at women since I told him how it makes me feel. He said he loves me. He also said he was joking about me being heavy, and didn’t mean it to be taken seriously. Not sure how I feel about it, he seemed sincere.

 

[Ing Bee]

Hi.
I feel that he is the one the Lord has for me but I’m scared that if we do marry things will become worse. Godly and wise advice needed. Thank you.

Hello Violet-
Could you clarify why you believe "he is the one the Lord has" for you? When people ask/receive advice on issues of this kind, their insight is largely determined on whether there is "the one" out there or if we have free choice. One of the many problems with the belief there there is one perfect person to marry is that our decision making is eclipsed by worry about missing God's will, being lonely forever, or getting "trapped" in the "wrong marriage". Do any of those descriptions sound familiar to your situation?

 

[Violet90]

Hello Violet-
Could you clarify why you believe "he is the one the Lord has" for you? When people ask/receive advice on issues of this kind, their insight is largely determined on whether there is "the one" out there or if we have free choice. One of the many problems with the belief there there is one perfect person to marry is that our decision making is eclipsed by worry about missing God's will, being lonely forever, or getting "trapped" in the "wrong marriage". Do any of those descriptions sound familiar to your situation?

Hi Bee,

Sorry for not clarifying, I don’t believe there is only one perfect person for everyone. What I mean is that after being single for 8 years and him all his life, we believe that our prayers have been answered, apart from him doing the above he is a Godly man, attentive, kind, generous, he protects my purity etc. My pastor and his both believe this is the Lord’s will but to take it slow, which we plan too. For the time being I’m trying to fulfill my role as his sister in Christ first, girlfriend second. I spoke with him today and he echoed what he said the first time. I’ve not seen him looking at women since and he’s said he hasn’t and I do believe him. It’s just with him saying the above the feelings of inferiority came back. I’ve told him this as well and he said it was a joke and doesn’t think I’m fat, which I don’t either deep down. I guess that was his first attempt at that kind of humour which I’m not a fan of, also told him that. We went to his parents for dinner after church and I brought it up and his dad took him to one side afterwards. Both parents said that he can be a bit of a prankster at times. I guess I shall see what happens. Thank you for your message

 

[Tone]

Recently I’ve noticed that he stares at women, mostly blonde haired women (my hair is black). I spoke with him about it and he sincerely apologised followed by men are visual, which I know.

Are women not visual?