Relationship advice

[Loveistheanswer5]

Sometimes my long term boyfriend does things that really annoy me.
For example: his house is always messy, with piles of laundry everywhere, and sometimes he binge eats like crazy. I tell him these things bother me and he says I'm being naggy. I don't want to be naggy or controlling. Where do you draw the line? How do you get your feelings across while still being respectful?

 

[NewFaithHopeLove]

Wish I could help, but I'm having the same problems. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

 

[Inkachu]

Sometimes my long term boyfriend does things that really annoy me.
For example: his house is always messy, with piles of laundry everywhere, and sometimes he binge eats like crazy. I tell him these things bother me and he says I'm being naggy. I don't want to be naggy or controlling. Where do you draw the line? How do you get your feelings across while still being respectful?

Because this is your boyfriend, and not your husband, you really don't have much ground to stand on in terms of "demanding" things from him. If you don't want a messy guy who eats like a pig... find another man. This is the time for you to find someone who complements you and matches you, not someone who drives you crazy with their annoying habits. If he sees your opinions as "naggy"... chances are, it's only going to get worse. A man who is right for you and sincerely loves you, will listen to your thoughts and wishes with a tender and caring heart. Not saying he'll be your doormat, but he won't brush off your feelings as being "naggy". He'll value them, even if he doesn't necessarily agree with them.

 

[iambren]

Have you told him the REASON you don't want him doing those things?

 

[K9_Trainer]

Sometimes my long term boyfriend does things that really annoy me.
For example: his house is always messy, with piles of laundry everywhere, and sometimes he binge eats like crazy. I tell him these things bother me and he says I'm being naggy. I don't want to be naggy or controlling. Where do you draw the line? How do you get your feelings across while still being respectful?

He's your boyfriend, not your child. You don't get to control how another adult chooses to live.

In this situation, you're going to have to take a long hard look at yourself. Put yourself in the mindset that you cannot change him (because you won't). You already brought it up and he's basically let you know that he's not willing to change his habits. What you see is what you get. If you marry him and move into that house with him, can you handle the messy house and piles of laundry? Would you be ok with being the one to keep the house clean and tidy with no help room him? Do these things matter that much in the grand scheme of things?

If not, then it really is best to end the relationship and find somebody with a level of organization and cleanliness that more matches your own.

 

[Sketcher]

Agreed, his choices and his life.

Have you told him the REASON you don't want him doing those things?

Yes. Personally, I don't change because people want me to change. If something in my life needs to change for my health or prosperity or my moral good, then that is something else. And I am the one human being who decides that. Now, if there is something I am doing which is a true detriment to somebody else, then people who bring it up need to demonstrate that detriment, not because it goes against their personal preferences. Not only that, but I do a lot of the things I do for a reason. There are a number of ways to do things, and I have considered multiple paths on various issues. When people think that they have a better way for me to live my life, the tendency is for them to fail to consider that I rejected the path they are proposing for one or more reasons that they did not think of, or care to think of.

Bottom line is, you cannot command a change, manipulate a change, or make someone your personal project. He needs to be convinced of the benefit and the workability of the change. Furthermore, what he is likely looking for in a girlfriend is love, acceptance and respect for the way he is. He clearly isn't receiving that, even if you are sending it.