Relationship Advice:I sin often when I think about my boyfriend,is it best to end it?

[Lovingchristjesus]

Hello!
>> I am a Christian woman (Saved by God's Grace alone) seeking Christian Godly advice, please support your answer with Biblical scriptures.
Christian dating has been a true humbling experience for me. I don't take dating lightly, I see my relationship with my current boyfriend as a courtship or preparation for a marriage that will wholly serve and glory the LORD.

My Christian boyfriend and I both see purity as important as an unmarried couple. (We give quick kisses a couple times when are physically together and hold hands) . When I am with him, I feel my mind is pure and I am not distracted from giving honor to the Lord.

However when i am not with him, I go into this dark side, often alone I begin to experience SINFUL thoughts- by JUST THINKING about him. I begin to lust after him, and if not lust, jealous and prideful thoughts arises. ( I had less of these thoughts when I was single)

The Holy spirit convicts me, and I take full responsibility of my sinful thoughts. Now I seek for advice. What do I do? I don't believe my boyfriend is tempting to me to sin, and I feel I am weak these sins because my relationship with Christ maybe weak .

Would this be a case where I may not be ready to be involved in relationship? I know SIN will always be a part of life but I want to do what's best for my relationship with Christ Jesus.

Thank you! Your thoughts are much appreciated.

 

[iambren]

Do this exercise:

1 Make two columns on a piece of paper.

2 In the first column describe thoughts that you feel are healthy/nonsinful sexual thoughts that God would accept towards your beloved.

3 In the other column write out what thoughts would by God be sinful.

4 Find where the boundaries, characteristics are different between the two.


---You see, if you had NO struggle with sexual themes prior to marrying I would be fearful of that marriage lasting. God created you with normal sexual feelings; just manage them the best you can, one way is to NOT have long relationships or engagements.

 

[Luther073082]

Hello!
>> I am a Christian woman (Saved by God's Grace alone) seeking Christian Godly advice, please support your answer with Biblical scriptures.
Christian dating has been a true humbling experience for me. I don't take dating lightly, I see my relationship with my current boyfriend as a courtship or preparation for a marriage that will wholly serve and glory the LORD.

My Christian boyfriend and I both see purity as important as an unmarried couple. (We give quick kisses a couple times when are physically together and hold hands) . When I am with him, I feel my mind is pure and I am not distracted from giving honor to the Lord.

However when i am not with him, I go into this dark side, often alone I begin to experience SINFUL thoughts- by JUST THINKING about him. I begin to lust after him, and if not lust, jealous and prideful thoughts arises. ( I had less of these thoughts when I was single)

The Holy spirit convicts me, and I take full responsibility of my sinful thoughts. Now I seek for advice. What do I do? I don't believe my boyfriend is tempting to me to sin, and I feel I am weak these sins because my relationship with Christ maybe weak .

Would this be a case where I may not be ready to be involved in relationship? I know SIN will always be a part of life but I want to do what's best for my relationship with Christ Jesus.

Thank you! Your thoughts are much appreciated.

This is what normal couples go through. . . thats why we have marriage. Paul said we should get married if we burn in lust. And most people do burn in lust. . . you are not alone in this by any means.

My general thought is date long enough to make sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And when you are mature enough, old enough, and in the life situation to do it. . . get married.

 

[Christopher0121]

Sexual desires isn't sinful. Having sexual needs isn't sinful. Lust is the desire to actually HAVE what you cannot have. If you desire to have your beloved, yet you are willing to wait, you're not lusting. Consider the lovers in the Song of Solomon who can't stop fantasizing about one another.

 

[Ryan012182]

I completely agree with above. Sexual desires are not sinful. Thinking of your boyfriend in lust would be so hard not to do. You need lust for a relationship to work I feel.

We live in a world where every TV show, song, bill board, advertisement pushes sex. It is almost impossible not to have thoughts when we are surrounded by this everyday making us weaker and weaker. Even if you try to surround yourself with only Christian things it is almost impossible to do.

Ask God for strength resist it and ask if this is the man you should marry. He will answer your questions, have patients.

 

[jpcedotal]

If u didn't have these sort of thoughts, I would advise getting a new boyfriend.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Those are pretty normal feelings and I think if you broke up with your bf over them, you would just be running from your problems. They would come right back when you find a new guy that you like...You WILL feel sexual things towards men you like because you are a human and you have a sex drive (and he will feel the same for you), there's no getting around it. You need to find a way to deal with thoughts you believe are out of line constructively if you expect to maintain a relationship with a man. Suppressing your sexuality completely or ignoring it will not lead to a good marriage because it's a natural way for two people to express their love for one another.

Take Bren's idea and sort the inappropriate thoughts from the appropriate ones. When you catch yourself thinking something you feel you shouldn't be thinking, replace it with an appropriate thought or distract yourself with something else completely for a while.

 

[The Nihilist]

What does Jesus say? If your hand is your trouble, lop it off. It's better to enter the kingdom of heaven maimed than to be thrown into the fires of Gehenna whole.

 

[OGM]

What does Jesus say? If your hand is your trouble, lop it off. It's better to enter the kingdom of heaven maimed than to be thrown into the fires of Gehenna whole.

What is your direct answer to her?

 

[The Nihilist]

What is your direct answer to her?

I'm no theologian. What do you think Jesus would have removed?

 

[OGM]

I'm no theologian. What do you think Jesus would have removed?

Nothing...

 

[CounselorForChrist]

Yeah theres no reason to end it. I sometimes will think things about my fiance, but then I quickly think of something else. We all do it. Now...if you end up having sex before marraige. Thats another question. Alot of people split after that.

So don't let it get to that point. Waiting until marriage is worth it! It will keep the passion going until you marry!

 

[Lovingchristjesus]

Thanks everyone! I really enjoyed your posts.I think God answered my prayer. I think it's silly to run away, he's only been a blessing to me.

 

[The Nihilist]

Nothing...

Oh? Are you so ready to disregard the instruction of your lord and saviour?

 

[OGM]

Oh? Are you so ready to disregard the instruction of your lord and saviour?

What instruction?

 

[eaglemustfly]

• "I know we should break up, but I do not want to break his heart."
Keeping an unbeliever in his sin is more damaging in the long term, than breaking up with him now.

This is one of the excuses that Christians make, to avoid obeying God.
You need to know that when God made that standard, it is for your own good.

 

[LinkH]

If you think good, holy, noble true thoughts when you are around your boyfriend, that sounds like a good thing.

If you were married, you could be around him more, and when he was gone, it wouldn't be sinful to think about doing certain things with him.

Are you both unattached to anyone else and of maritable age? Pray about it and wait for him to ask you.

 

[proverbswisdom]

Do this exercise:

1 Make two columns on a piece of paper.

2 In the first column describe thoughts that you feel are healthy/nonsinful sexual thoughts that God would accept towards your beloved.

3 In the other column write out what thoughts would by God be sinful.

4 Find where the boundaries, characteristics are different between the two.


---You see, if you had NO struggle with sexual themes prior to marrying I would be fearful of that marriage lasting. God created you with normal sexual feelings; just manage them the best you can, one way is to NOT have long relationships or engagements.

Love this response, very insightful. Wanting sex and having sexual urges is not wrong by any means. Some of that is to be expected if you find the man remotely attractive. I remember when I was a teenager I was superb at controlling my sexual thoughts & didn't lust over guys but my hormones would still react to a hot guy. Some of that is built in and is natural so if you don't feel like it is ok, then you may be having unnecessary guilt.

I personally have seen ppl get waaaayyy overly obsessed about purity. It's good to want purity, and it's good to work to have it, but there is a point where even purity should not consume you like a God. What happens when this occurs is the devil gets you thinking all kinds of crazy thoughts, plagues you with guilt, which results in continuing the cycle of obsession. Chill out! God is helping you resist. Focus on something else, relax. You aren't perfect, you will mess up in your thoughts occasionally but it's not the end of the world. Be more balanced, think about God and the other things He wants you to be concerned about and don't let yourself obsess over this.

Get a hobby, get a mission or a cause. Simply NOT thinking bad thoughts doesn't make you pure. God calls us to be pure in love, pure in resolve, and courageous. You can't develop that by abstenance alone. Reach out to someone using the talents God's given you, be a blessing and you will be filled with joy. You will also be amazed how quickly this obsession goes away.