Relationship Advice..I don't know what to do

ToBeLoved · Jan 19, 2017

heathorheather said:
Correct many times in my small groups as well we've done that as well.

But would she want to pray with me, in person, together, when she already said this relationship is over and that her door is closed to another chance.

If she is convinced that the barrior between you is related to God, she just might. Otherwise she may seem like a hypocrite.

If she wanted you to be more Godly, then she should give you a chance to. I might ask her how can she not.

heathorheather · Jan 19, 2017

ToBeLoved said:
If she is convinced that the barrior between you is related to God, she just might. Otherwise she may seem like a hypocrite.

If she wanted you to be more Godly, then she should give you a chance to. I might ask her how can she not.

When is too soon actually too soon to do this? Should I wait a little about a week or so or should I do it within the next couple of days

ToBeLoved · Jan 19, 2017

heathorheather said:
When is too soon actually too soon to do this? Should I wait a little about a week or so or should I do it within the next couple of days

I would do it right away.

I would say that you want to change and maybe if the two of you pray together and for each other, it will help. God says "Where two or more are gathered in My Name, I am there also".

I would ask her to pray with you together so the Lord will be there with you.

Matthew 18:19-20
19 Again, I tell you truly that if two of you on the earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I with them.”

heathorheather · Jan 19, 2017

ToBeLoved said:
I would do it right away.

I would say that you want to change and maybe if the two of you pray together and for each other, it will help. God says "Where two or more are gathered in My Name, I am there also".

I would ask her to pray with you together so the Lord will be there with you.

Matthew 18:19-20
19 Again, I tell you truly that if two of you on the earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by My Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I with them.”

Thank for that scripture.
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” ~ Mark 10:27

Even So · Jan 19, 2017

I feel your pain. I just was divorced. I don't think this was all your fault, but you certainly can learn from this. Did you refuse counseling at first? Go at your pace? Maybe she was at that point she wanted kids and you didn't so she was in a hurry to get married? That's not always good. Seems like two years was enough for her. I hope she isn't talking to anyone that is influencing her decision. She will regret it later. So GOD can change a leopard's spots, regardless of what people may say. Can you? If you really want to try to change for her, can you do some spontaneous things if you aren't? If you know people that know each other, start doing some stuff that doesn't sound like you and then gets back to her? It's an idea anyways. This is hard for you to take solace in, but it really took about two years for my marriage to fall apart. I did my part, i feel, but she decided she didn't want GOD in her life for part of the issue, and i was certainly not going back there. If you two were not going to work as a team, at least you didn't marry. It would have made it much worse. Too early yet for that call though. As everyone will tell you and it still will hurt, GOD can put it back together if meant. Do your part to try so you don't blame yourself, but don't crowd. It will make it easier on you down the road. You can still be who you are and He will send the right one. And pray brother, pray. We will.

Even So · Jan 19, 2017

tienkhoanguyen said:
If you value your relationship you would listen

Very heartfelt.

heathorheather · Jan 19, 2017

Even So said:
I feel your pain. I just was divorced. I don't think this was all your fault, but you certainly can learn from this. Did you refuse counseling at first? Go at your pace? Maybe she was at that point she wanted kids and you didn't so she was in a hurry to get married? That's not always good. Seems like two years was enough for her. I hope she isn't talking to anyone that is influencing her decision. She will regret it later. So GOD can change a leopard's spots, regardless of what people may say. Can you? If you really want to try to change for her, can you do some spontaneous things if you aren't? If you know people that know each other, start doing some stuff that doesn't sound like you and then gets back to her? It's an idea anyways. This is hard for you to take solace in, but it really took about two years for my marriage to fall apart. I did my part, i feel, but she decided she didn't want GOD in her life for part of the issue, and i was certainly not going back there. If you two were not going to work as a team, at least you didn't marry. It would have made it much worse. Too early yet for that call though. As everyone will tell you and it still will hurt, GOD can put it back together if meant. Do your part to try so you don't blame yourself, but don't crowd. It will make it easier on you down the road. You can still be who you are and He will send the right one. And pray brother, pray. We will.

Thank you for reading and sorry to hear about your divorce. In the beginning yes, I didn't want to talk about our relationship with someone (mind you this was pretty early into the relationship). I believe I mentioned that our pastor recently came up to us and suggested we do counseling with him cause he's been noticing a lot of couples at church and through prayer and thinking we came up on the top of his list. This was 3 weeks ago. With the holidays during that time everyone was pretty busy so we never got a chance to meet. He provided us a book and asked us to go through the first chapter so that we can talk it and answer questions. It's not like I didn't want to do it or something like that because I knew it was on her mind and early on in the relationship I did see a need but you know 2 years into a relationship I thought it was a great idea and he's been praying about it.
Maybe it is the spontaneous thing that was missing as well. The last couple of months were just habitual, you know we would talk/text/eat/go hang out/see stuff etc..but the same, you know? A member posted something above about meeting/talking to her to pray together/each other. That's something very new cause it's whats she's been wanting and it's not like I can't do it but we just never did that.

TurtleAnne · Jan 19, 2017

If you've been talking the talk for 2 years without walking the walk, then there is really no point in trying to come up with a better talk now to 'reel her back in'. That seems to be the underlying problem, in general. What you say to her now doesn't matter, because your words have proven for 2+ years to have little value, they don't mean much. So go walk the walk. It's possible that if she comes to realize X months from now that you have actually been walking the walk, then she'll believe it. What is definitely possible is that if you start walking the walk as far as making Jesus the center of your life, your spiritual life will improve significantly, which will override any temporary woes in your worldly life. Nothing BAD can come of it, but good things WILL come of it. But nothing good can come from talking at her now, no matter what you say. So that is the practical side of why you should just leave her alone. Trying to find the 'right words' to 'get her back' is just manipulation, and she will recognize it, and possibly just become more convinced that you are not genuine, i.e. you will claim that you will do better only in order to smooth things over but not really mean it.

In the meantime, maybe take this lady down off the pedestal and contemplate what you learned about what YOU like and need in a relationship. Maybe you will find a better match for YOU in the future once you are right with the Lord.

heathorheather · Jan 19, 2017

TurtleAnne said:
If you've been talking the talk for 2 years without walking the walk, then there is really no point in trying to come up with a better talk now to 'reel her back in'. That seems to be the underlying problem, in general. What you say to her now doesn't matter, because your words have proven for 2+ years to have little value, they don't mean much. So go walk the walk. It's possible that if she comes to realize X months from now that you have actually been walking the walk, then she'll believe it. What is definitely possible is that if you start walking the walk as far as making Jesus the center of your life, your spiritual life will improve significantly, which will override any temporary woes in your worldly life. Nothing BAD can come of it, but good things WILL come of it. But nothing good can come from talking at her now, no matter what you say. So that is the practical side of why you should just leave her alone. Trying to find the 'right words' to 'get her back' is just manipulation, and she will recognize it, and possibly just become more convinced that you are not genuine, i.e. you will claim that you will do better only in order to smooth things over but not really mean it.

In the meantime, maybe take this lady down off the pedestal and contemplate what you learned about what YOU like and need in a relationship. Maybe you will find a better match for YOU in the future once you are right with the Lord.

Hi and thank you for reading. I can't disagree with you there. I talked the talk but never really walked the walk for 2+ years. I thought I was doing the walking but I was walking alone and tried the build on the wrong rather then fixing the wrong first. I understand her and why she's drained cause this was the single most important thing to her and 2 years of this is frustrating when thinking about her future. Talking to her now seems repetitive and just looks like other times when we talked about this even though I woke up and didn't press the snooze button this time. She said she feels sad and happy the fact that I realized this all now so clearly and finally woke up. I understand what's she's saying and I can't ask her for another chance to make this right because she's been doing that for so long, so I understand. It's just sad and heartbreaking that this is all coming to me so well so clearly so boldly when she has no more chances to give any more, when her heart is closed.

I agree that if I make Him the center of my life that everything will fall into place. This might sound cliche but if I was given that one more chance, my walk would speak louder than my words cause I know what's wrong now, I know that our foundation needs to be fixed. So I blame myself for this. Our future looked clear with us being together but it came to this, because the single most thing to her wasn't being shown and now it's too late to express/show that to her.

Again it's not that I wasn't listening to her or didn't her...communicating was key and fixing the foundation was key but I approached it all wrong

Blade · Jan 19, 2017

it is written ..if we lack wisdom..ask for it. JESUS IS REAL! Ask HIM what to do. As wise as it is at times to ask others.. but all you get is someone on the outside looking in. Ask HIM to soften the heart.. to make a way to talk.. to speak your HEART! And HE WILL! But remember.. we are FREE. He will not can not force anyone to do think say feel anything. So.. it could take a moment or days..weeks. But doing it HIS WAY..ooh.. yes.. HIS WAY..well fix it.... I really dont think I am wrong here..but I think this GOD can do anything yes? He is there.. got your backs

heathorheather · Jan 19, 2017

Blade said:
it is written ..if we lack wisdom..ask for it. JESUS IS REAL! Ask HIM what to do. As wise as it is at times to ask others.. but all you get is someone on the outside looking in. Ask HIM to soften the heart.. to make a way to talk.. to speak your HEART! And HE WILL! But remember.. we are FREE. He will not can not force anyone to do think say feel anything. So.. it could take a moment or days..weeks. But doing it HIS WAY..ooh.. yes.. HIS WAY..well fix it.... I really dont think I am wrong here..but I think this GOD can do anything yes? He is there.. got your backs

Thank you for reading my post. Yes all things are possible through our Father. Thank you for reminding/telling me that only he has control. Thank you

CurlyLocks · Jan 19, 2017

Get out of your head and talk. It's that simple... She's not asking you to do anything unrealistic.

Meowzltov · Jan 19, 2017

I'm sorry things are so painful for you, but sometimes we just have to hurt for a while. Jesus will sustain you through the hurt.

You see, the relationship was good for you but not for her. I suspect that if you try to pressure her into trying to fix things she will view you as the psycho ex who is being controlling and possessive. If you love her, let her go.

Then ask God to help you learn from it so that you will be that much better a man for when your real mate comes along.

heathorheather · Jan 19, 2017

CurlyLocks said:
Get out of your head and talk. It's that simple... She's not asking you to do anything unrealistic.

Thanks for reading. Yes I know. I want to do that not just for her benefit but mine as well. God told us to share his love and shout his name to others. You're right it's nothing unrealistic it can be accomplished but is it too late. Is too late really too late?

heathorheather · Jan 20, 2017

Open Heart said:
I'm sorry things are so painful for you, but sometimes we just have to hurt for a while. Jesus will sustain you through the hurt.

You see, the relationship was good for you but not for her. I suspect that if you try to pressure her into trying to fix things she will view you as the psycho ex who is being controlling and possessive. If you love her, let her go.

Then ask God to help you learn from it so that you will be that much better a man for when your real mate comes along.

Hi and thank you for reading. Yes, Jesus is the one and only way. Yes I've never asked her if indeed she was happy in this relationship cause things were going so well in terms of the worldly sense while spiritual she was struggling with me. I believe I said this in my post, it's not that I'm not or can't do the things she was wanting and it's because it's not in me either, I just went about it the wrong way. As followers of Christ, we know that all things are possible through Him not just in this situations but in all aspects of life.

Meowzltov · Jan 20, 2017

heathorheather said:
Hi and thank you for reading. Yes, Jesus is the one and only way. Yes I've never asked her if indeed she was happy in this relationship cause things were going so well in terms of the worldly sense while spiritual she was struggling with me. I believe I said this in my post, it's not that I'm not or can't do the things she was wanting and it's because it's not in me either, I just went about it the wrong way. As followers of Christ, we know that all things are possible through Him not just in this situations but in all aspects of life.

You are fighting the breakup. It's not your decision. She wants to breakup. You can't force her to stay, and if you try, that's really creepy.

PureBliss · Jan 20, 2017

This is time to re-evaluate your actions in the relationship, forgive yourself/her ask God for forgiveness. Cast all your cares unto Lord Jesus, for He cares for you. God has it all figured out, don't attempt to help Him figure it out. His thoughts and ways are not yours.
Be strong and courageous.

mina · Jan 20, 2017

Open Heart said:
You are fighting the breakup. It's not your decision. She wants to breakup. You can't force her to stay, and if you try, that's really creepy.

This; you can ask her to listen or pray with you one more time, I suppose, but she doesn't have to and you need to respect her decision if she doesn't want to talk with you again about it. That does not make her a bad person or a bad Christian. If she is done with the dating relationship and trying to make it work; then she is allowed to end it, walk away , and move on. She was not married to you. "Too late" can really mean it's too late.

ToBeLoved · Jan 20, 2017

My opinion is that he must respectfully and gently try, otherwise he will always wonder "what if?". And wondering is not good. So I think he needs to think about EXACTLY what he wants to say to her and invite her for coffee at Starbucks or take her out for an expensive dinner. lol. But he needs to do something.

paul becke · Jan 20, 2017

ToBeLoved said:
If she is convinced that the barrior between you is related to God, she just might. Otherwise she may seem like a hypocrite.

If she wanted you to be more Godly, then she should give you a chance to. I might ask her how can she not.

But hasn't she already given David lots of chances ? It is very common for wives to compalin that their husband doesn't really talk with them when when they want him to, or as much as they want him to. If David somehow manages to change his personality 'on a sixpence', so to speak, frankly, I wouldn't bet on him continuing to do so, if they were to marry.

That doesn't speak to his lesser Christian devotion, but otherwise, it's possible that she has unrealistic expectations of him, and is looking for a spouse who will think and talk on the same basis as a female friend would. It's possible that she would find a more devout potential spouse, however.

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